Pink Coyote

the l.o.w. down

perfectly squeezeable, 2005.

the campbells are relocating again. yep. the gypsy life had a timeline and now it is time to caravan our asses into a real living space once again. no, the house on the property is not built. no, i will not expand on that. suffice to say that our new home is in a little mountain cranny called, Lake of the Woods. is that the cutest sounding town or what??? it is not far from pine mountain, so our same woods are near. but the treacherous and oft icy road to the big mountain will not have to be traversed with above babe in tow.

we are beginning a new phase in the same adventure-project: are you my home? we essentially just hooked a u-turn and now we will see what this location will inspire us to.

i am going to throw a request out to the universe today: i intend to leave this safe and cozy blog behind and create a real website again by spring. except, i don't know how the heck to do it. if anyone has a suggestion for me about creating a sweet and simple site where i can have my journal and show my artwork, feel free to give a shout out.

"I release others to experience whatever is meaningful to them, and I am free to create that which is meaningful to me." --Louise Hay

be well.

storytelling

two superheroes, solvang 2005.

once there was a girl with a big interesting story. one day, while the girl was out picking flowers in the woods, a big scary wolf approached her. instead of eating the girl, the wolf asked to hear her story.

she began to tell it and it got very, very long, and very, very complicated. the wolf grew bored and began sniffing around for something to eat.

the girl felt nervous, but she continued with the very long story. then she grew bored. with each word, her eyelids grew heavy and her foot began to tap. even the wolf's hunger could not distract her from how very bored she was with the very long story.

she stopped telling the very long story, because she was not even sure she believed it anymore and besides, telling it was no fun either. the girl and the wolf went out for latte and scones. they lived happily ever after.

the end.

direction

sitting in the unknown makes me feel a wee bit uncomfortable wondering where my ground is beneath my feet checking to make certain it really is there noticing my blind spots and how i often get caught off guard believing i have something to do with where i'm at.

when your lover goes to londontown

miles and daddy. december, 2005. san francisco, ca. Do: 1. Have dinner with two or more girlfriends who know your heart. 2. Talk on the phone with Swirly. 3. Make thick and rough oatmeal with extra brown sugar for brekkies. 4. Wander the antique mall with baby riding in front facing body pack. 5. Buy old discarded english wood-cut number blocks. 6. Shower when possible. 7. Raise the window shades. 8. Eat massive amounts of mexican food and Uncle Eddies cookies. Do Not: 1. Listen to John Coltrane's Blue Train. 2. Wage war with anyone. 3. Attempt to operate a motorized vehicle with a fussy man-cub on board. 4. Visit sad, unnecessary places in the mind. 5. Limit your reading to, "Go, Dog, Go." 6. Forget to take a shower or brush teeth. 7. Let your well meaning brother talk you into watching ten episodes of Battlestar Galactica.

in it

i wish i had a river i could skate away on....

my girls

julie, miles and me. san franciso, ca. december 2005.

my girls, my girls. heaven knows i've got a slew of 'em. this week has proven to be one of intense gratitude for my chosen family: those that understand me, express unconditional love and compassion for my processes, say WOW! excitedly when i complete a painting, call relentlessly even when i cannot return calls, care enough about the details of my life to ask intimate questions, listen with eye contact, hug me long and deep, plan luxurious dates to spend time with me, send me glittery goodies in the mail, stand in the driveway to tell me that i look really beautiful on a day i think i look like ass, offer to feed my baby so that i can eat with both hands, string beads for me to clutch during labor, design elaborate rite of passage ceremonies for me as i move through the cycles of my life, brush my hair, hold my hand and give me the opportunity to love them madly back.

the relationships i have with you are what gives life meaning! you know how to exchange emotion and ideas with trust, and how i cherish you for that.

you are the ones i use as a model for my tender son: you ladies who love with all of your hearts, you who have been hurt, suffered loss, abandoned, you who keep on loving deeply, madly, keep on risking, keep approaching each day with integrity and color and kindness, no matter what.

i salute you. us. what a beautiful thing we have done!

tribute

my loves.

my baby is sleeping and i'm going to do it: tell you magic eight how you've impacted me. thank you.

andrea: i am a better inner cheerleader now. i'm more in tune with my own bullshit story. this carves years off of my own suffering. i feel like i've received free coaching, perhaps exploited you. GO, FIGHT, WIN!

nutmeg: i just can't stop calling you this. your smile, your cleverness, your openness to R, you know what you want. i am glowing from standing next to you. the world is so glad for your love.

feisty: brave is right. your salsa recipe told me there was something hot underneath that cool surface! you are unfurling your wings in the most beautiful way. and i am so grateful to be reminded of just how powerful saying, "fuck it!" can be.

kate: i love your honesty, your buddha nature, your love for A. you are a shiny irridescent seashell with a pearl for a heart. you get it.

keri: playful friend, you are my lioness. you have so much wisdom and vulnerability and femininity to share. i am blown away by your power and how it radiates from your creative-fire hair.

penelope: like a quiet hurricane, your presence is felt so profoundly. your journey is speaking its truth. i see you, sister.

jen: you dancing, smiling, foolish sage. your gifts cannot all be named here-you are so big, so vibrant, so beautiful in all of your feelings and frosted with courage unknown to me. your energy is cocooned within me to be called on when i need to strap on my balls and make a change.

swirly: thoughtful, caring, open, vulnerable, playful, energetic caterpillar. how i adore you. you inspire me to my highest heights whenever i am with you. wow.

today i am still enjoying us, revisiting our special moments and seeing us all in our power so clearly. it will carry me through the next many days.

changing housing has become my number one priority. i am on the task of finding us a home, a place to get comfortable in. gimme shelter.

shine on, magical beings.

ruby slippers and murky water

"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."---Pablo Picasso on retreat this weekend i had a dream about an alligator on the shore of a muddy lake: she was trying to chomp at everyone who came near, and my reason for fear was that willow (my dog) was endangering herself by jumping out towards her and inviting the alligator to spar. i saved willow from a yellow-toothed death by yanking her collar and hauling her offshore. the alligator went back underwater and swam away, with a few people standing around wondering what had just happened. my first thoughts about the significance of alligator was that water represents femininity and motherhood. so many amphibians have come into my consciousness since miles was conceived. i wondered about some of the messages coming up for me in the company of the eight women. the strongest emotion took me a wee bit by surprise-i found myself working hard to understand how i am going to be a mother and also an artist. after i shared two paintings with part of the group, one of the women stated, "so...it can be done?". it was both a question and a declaration. i honestly didn't know, though i was clearly demonstrating that it could be. i absorbed what it was like to feel both roles functioning simultaneously. it was like trying on a comfy pair of old jeans with a pair of ruby encrusted slippers-it could work, but not something i would have gone out of the house wearing before. okay, maybe. i realize i am paving a path amongst my peers with my choice to be mommy and keep doing what i love, creating. plenty of women have done it, sure, but i don't know many of them personally. as per usual, i am not full of grace in the beginning of my new adventures. but like riding a bike, it should begin to flow without me thinking on it so much. as an aside, i looked up the alligator in my bible of animal totems, and found the words: "primal energies of birth, motherhood, and initiation" and "an opportunity [will begin] to unfold". on shadowy shores she bares her teeth inviting only those who dare meet her to do the dance of the murky water woman. word to ya motha.

nine muses and a baby

oh yes we totally rock.

home sweet

hey! who's that in my garden? today i am doing nothing. or to coin penelope's word, i shall soak in my experiences from the long weekend, a weekend spent with 8 incredible women, in one incredible house, made possible by two incredible men. in short, there was a gathering. with no expectations and no concrete purpose, we created a bond with some moments and some food and music. i'll have to write about details later, i'm still absorbing and making words of it. right now, all i can come up with is "wow". kind of wimpy. back home, i'm sharing my day with a quiche, some brie and a little man. more later. xo.

baby guerrilla

a brand new day.

i've lost a friend that i sat in shaman circle with for two years. i've just been told that her spouse only "tolerated" her drumming and spirit work, so many of us will not be able to honor her in the way we knew her to be. count another blessing: i am so unoppressed while others experience it everywhere even here in my town daily.

love to all. sleep tight, mary.

buddha nature

"The essential quality of mind, our own and everyone elses, is fully awakened wisdom and compassion. This brilliant wisdom is temporarily obscured by a confused ordinary state of mind but not stained or damaged. Therefore understanding this "Buddha Nature" mind gives us tremendous confidence and freedom." Hotei is the happiness Buddha. He's the one with the arms over his head, laughing and carrying large fishes and santa-like sacks full of enlightenment. When Miles was born we called him the little Buddha because he, like every other baby allowed to express itself unendangered, has a golden quality you notice right away. Babies are so honest. They cry when they're sad or frustrated, they laugh when smiled at. They are afraid of big scary things that move too quickly near them and booming voices. I am not a Buddhist, but I am inspired by the text and some of the concepts. I think a lot on the "confused state of mind". I definitely feel that I am confused most of the time. And I think that mostly it is human nature to not be wise, but to be caught up in poor communication and fear which is why I so often find myself eroding my time resolving dillemmas and overanalyzing feelings and situations. When I feel my most enlightened is when I care the least about everything! For example, I put a lot of stock into the Chakra system, the idea that the trunk and head of one's body contains energy centers that tell us about ourselves and our health. I also think about the collective unconscious-especially that of typical American society. Just coming off of the heels of the holidays and flinging the door open on the New Year is when all of this information comes together in my head. I will get to my point eventually... This materialism we experience at the holidays sometimes leaves me feeling very unBuddhalike. I feel hungover when January begins- from spending, consuming and generally forgetting what is really important to me. So here is my point: If the root chakra is associated with things like safety, security, instinct, pleasure, fight or flight behaviors, then this is the one I feel stuck and unbalanced in when I am unhappy. It is earthly and materialistic in some of the worst ways when out of whack. The buzz that comes with overindulging resides right here at the bottom of my torso region. As I glance around at the headlines, I see root-motivated governments, corporate takeovers, etc. Why is it that as a collective, we can't get out of this place- a place of greed and uncompassion and most of all, a place of FEAR. I think I'm combining too many topics here! I store up so many thoughts and ideas I want to discuss on this site and then muddle them all together because I know my baby alarm is going to go off soon! :) I guess I would like to think about it some more and decide if this is true, and maybe ask myself the question of am I guilty of lingering in root issues rather than balancing the other energies, giving them equal time. And what can be done to move past the lower level state of being? I believe I could benefit from lingering in the heart center, the love chakra. It's like the body's Emerald City! Perhaps that is what the New Year and Hotei is all about. I am most happy when I am in love. What I love the most right now is that chubby little man at the top of this rant who has discovered how good his fleshy fingers satisfy his gums. He is my teacher, always. I feel the freedom and confidence seeping in already... Happy New Year.