Pink Coyote

hiatus

detail of watercolor & oil pastel, 2003.

i am taking a wee blogging breakie this week in order get a bit more organized around here. my environment and to-do lists are getting out of control! in the meantime i want to introduce you to my friend, jen who is a professional organizer and single-handedly helped me through our move away from the big mountain last year. we sold our house quickly and easily because of her expert organizing skills. thank you, sister!! we are gearing up to vacation in lovely hana, maui in a couple of weeks and i'm putting those crazy lists together as well. this will be miles first airplane ride and our first time away for such a long time. send me baby travel tips if you've got some good ones. i promise to be back and more attentive than ever- shortly.

go look in the mirror and say-"you rock!", cause ya do. serious mischief will befall you if you don't...

lovelovelove pixie

favorite things

mlc on our buddha deck wearing his new hat that nearly fits me. M is my most favorite squeezable thing of ALL. mlc & me in the park at the lilac festival, 2006. Do you love to read oprah's list of favorite things? I'm inspired to create my own here: gina g pottery -found gina at the lilac fest up here-her imperfect, earthy mugs & bowls are my favorite home art of the summer. B says the chunky vase on my table feels like it has "hip dimples" when you pick it up-so gloriously feminine. the kind of potter that makes me want to drop everything and buy a wheel and kiln.... tangerine soda -because i'm a sugar addict and these guys don't add any which makes me feel validated in rotting my teeth and body chemistry on occasion. bralessness -letcha freak flag fly and your boobs, too. white sage -or salvia ape, as it was nicknamed when i worked in the native seed biz. so sacred to fill the house with purifying smoke-did it late last night in order to infiltrate my dreams. fortune cookies -"be true and trust each other and all will be well"-the perfect answer to a burning question i had this week.... big calm -ooh this old album is so mellowy good with that sultry voice. mommy baby yoga -this is turning out to be a great dvd habit-M loves it and i get to stretch those pinching parts in my flying trapezius. coconut almond body souffle -a major splurge with a gift certificate from B at the day spa. this stuff is heroine for the senses. laura mercier does not mess around. ginger peach tea -and look at the crazy new line they have that appeals to all of my lusty packaging desires. anasazi pot beans and cornbread - boutique beans. heirlooms, yo. look like something off of the mythological pilgrim/indian dinner table. yummmmyyyy!!! with a piece of kombu seaweed thrown in while cooking.

I have been cooking like a crazy person-last week mushroom pot pies, this week yellow curried squash with cilantro and cashews.

What's in your pot? As lovely leonie loves to say.

questions

tee pee at sarah jane's, 2006. I am running across some of the best questions. It is no surprise that most of them come from women in the coaching profession. I'm all about coaching, I think it is one of the most useful tools of our time. I have a local personal coach that I still call on from time to time, who helped me traverse some major life transition icebergs a few years ago and I can't tell you how her listening skills and resources impacted my life. To me, coaching is one of those magic wands that when waved, knit your best ideas about what you want to do together with the essence of who you are to help get you on the path you want to be on, one that authentically honors YOU. Something about this time we live in has a vast number of us wanting to "be on our true path". Ever thought about why that is?

Laura Berman Fortgang was recently featured on a Loudenclear podcast, and though I am not necessarily looking for a New Life Direction, some things she said prompted me to read through a couple of chapters of Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction.

This led to curling up with my journal, putting a babe on the boob and writing down (with the clever use of a pillow and a dog's back) some answers to the following LBF questions:

What do people come to me for? (Hiding in these answers is sometimes the essence of who we are, unless we hire ourselves to people to do things we don't like, in which case we might need to examine our boundaries.)
What have people said I should be? (Again, because your aunt said you should be a botanist doesn't mean you should run out and be one, but LBF encourages the reader to look for the WHO inside this-like is it your sense of wonder about the natural world that led your aunt to say that? What does that say about who you are? Does it provide clues that can guide you to a more authentic expression of yourself in work or just life in general?
*She writes about goldmining not for the title or the "package" but for who you get to be when you are doing these things* I found this really helpful.
List the things you do or past jobs (the title) on one side, then list the essence of those things on the other.
Here are a couple of mine:
*massage therapist: encourages health, well being, balance and insight into the body in others.
*artist: create with color, create beauty for visual enjoyment, create a connection between people.
Who was I in the past that I liked? Disliked?
*I like who I am in excitable situations, I sometimes get really courageous and wise. In the birth of Miles, I did not think even for a moment that I should have gone to a hospital and received painkillers or interventions. I liked who I was when I grieved my miscarriage-I was vulnerable, yet strong and very willing to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
*I didn't like who I was when I worked in a thankless job as a manufacturing administrator. It felt like I was always seeking an authoritative male's approval and though it made me feel secure during that time, I don't like that I consciously participated in the business for as long as I did.
Doing these exercises gave me a tremendous sense of my own essence, as I think I tend to look at those things I choose to do as self serving. It also reminded me that what I do has meaning to me, and that is just simply affirming.

Just for fun, tell me who you were in the past that you liked. We often don't see our true selves clearly enough. I want to see you!

Peaceout.

sacred

"In the absence of the sacred-nothing is sacred-everything is for sale."-- Oren Lyons, Onondaga Chief I'm on a low tumble cycle...thinking...reading...processing...going outside...haven't been here much...but still here. What is sacred to you? What would you do to keep that thing in it's most honored integrity?

these ten years

This is a tribute to the man i call home.

Ten years ago this day, we travelled to the water for our first date. We drove up PCH toward El Matador beach with his surfboard bungeed down in the back of his blue truck. I had all of my things packed for a move sitting in a corner of a warehouse at work and had no beach towel, so we stopped at a roadside market where I bought a hot pink towel that has followed us to each house we've lived in until I retired it this last move.We twice passed the sign on Malibu Highway that reads "27 Miles of Scenic Beauty". Whenever we refer to this anniversary we call it some variation of the 27 Miles of Scenic Beauty Date. A date so important in our history.

B set off on foot for the waves a little while after we staked our claim in the sand. As he walked away from me, I felt giddy and giggly to myself about possibly kissing him at the end of the day. As he reached the shoreline, he promptly stepped into a hole and fell straight down-I think he cut himself on a rock. He was so embarrassed and I was laughing like crazy. I am that loathed person who can't hold in laughter at a topple.

After a long day, he drove me to my girlfriend's house where I was sleeping temporarily. I had to lean in and give him a peck on the cheek. I had no idea how this was going to work if he was going to be so fracken* shy.

It did work. It is working. Ten years later we are still laughing when the other falls-then we gently and carefully pick the other up and hold each other so close, so tight, with such safety and respect, and most of all, trust. We know that we are so lucky to have each other-to have outshined our own expectations-not of each other, but of ourselves.

And now we have this beautiful baby boy to show for our hard work: our labor of true love and our gift to each other.

We are home.

now

mother's day lunch, 2006.

"If you then become excessively focused on the goal, perhaps because you are seeking happiness, fulfillment, or a more complete sense of self in it, the NOW is no longer honoured. It becomes reduced to a mere stepping stone to the futrue, with no intrinsic value. Your life's journey is no longer an adventure, just an obsessive need to arrive, to attain, to 'make it'." --Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

as good as it gets

what if everything i have right now is all i will ever have? what if this is the best i will ever feel? what if the formal education i have now is the most i will ever get? what if my destiny is sitting right in front of me, so obvious i can't see it? what if no letters ever follow my name to indicate my qualifications, credibility? what if i am already who i am supposed to be? what if i am missing the point by mistaking yearning for ambition?

the weekend lives on

my goofy ass husband wearing miles hat. always the sunday morning comedian.

first time EVER touching a tree. how wonderful is that?

willie the weekend warrior.

steve & me.

These are photos taken this weekend: i am still feeling so full because of a brilliant and sunny hike with good friends.

I'm going to copycat my favorite mama, Wendy, and direct you to Christina's journal to read her scrumptious-i'm-so-glad-she-articulated-this paragraph about the memory. I am thinking all about being in the moment this week.

Grief has a way of making me forget things, too. Like Funday. Some people don't forget and for this I am so very grateful.

I'll do better this month.

Lovin:

*Tazo Mate Tropic
*Pot Beans-so earthy smelling all day
*Apple-raisin-cinnamon empanadas
*Mango Cilantro Salsa
*Mangoes and more Mangoes
*Mail Candy from the Sweetest Sweet
*Bach Flower Remedies in White Chestnut and Vine
*My goal to STOP sentence chopping people!
*Coconut ice cream

*My hysterical husband and his wacky band.

*YOU.

Go have some fun, eh?

phoenix magic

grammalo and miles at an outdoor cafe. the leg goes right into the foot, we say. a cankle of sorts. daddy and boy. my friend jen said this to me in an email- *thank you, jen*.

"I know there isn't much I can say.... I do recall at one point in my life that many deaths of people I knew brought me to this thought: Somehow life arises from a persons death. It seems like when we are struck by the death of a loved one, friend, or even an aquaintance, an unsudden appreciation of them arises out of nowhere and you think, thank you God for bringing this person into my life. All the gems of their life, which is now a part of yours whether you experience it with them or not, come to light. They, like you, are all a part of this big picture, a grand one. Then you realize your encounter, no matter how brief, is a blessing."

life does arise from a person's death. conversations about how short life is begin to take place again, extra effort is taken to get to those destinations we always wanted to get to, a fearlessness sets in. the glittery life dust gets stirred up, and i take notice. i squeeze my loved ones closer, knit my little family closer together, and count my many blessings. living in a constant state of this kind of awareness is rare.

i want to thank my dear, colorful friend maya, one more time here, for shining her bright light on our lives. for being a beacon of smiles and happiness always. we loved her so much.

squeeze your lovers tight today.

spt-introduce yourself

self portrait tuesday is one of those things i began for fun and now i'm addicted. maybe i'm addicted to my own image. or addicted to picking it apart. or something. they've revamped their site and it is tres user friendly now. even i can figure it out. but now its called "self portrait challenge".

so that is me in a dressing room. i'm also addicted to clothes. any new variation on the jean or t-shirt and i'm on it. a real glamour girl.

ok, a few things you may not know about me...

*i'm a mom and i'm crazy about my seven month old baby boy. i take attachment parenting to the edge: he sleeps in the bed with us, i breastfeed all day and all night, he can be found on my body 90% of the time. i love it. i don't relate with moms who have to take their kid to daycare and then put them in a crib to sleep at night. i'd be lying if i didn't say that i think my way is better. oh, and i'm a know-it-all. my mother called me this for years and it's really true.

*my first real job was in the clothing business, a manufacturer that only had an opening for a receptionist. i answered phones until they let me have the assistant design position. oversized tees with matching stirrup leggings were all the rage...i stayed in the biz for ten years, long enough to see those leggings burn, and work for a couple of really awesome companies.

*i love bluegrass music. my grandpap's influence. i pretty much only like the stuff he likes. but i like lots of other music as well. just ask the string of boys i dated before i married B. all musicians. i'm nuts that way.

*i'm allergic to the sun. break out in blisters all over my hands and arms. i should probably live somewhere that is not california, but it is home.

*i pour milk over my ice cream. just like my dad. gross out if you have to, but i think its yummy. little icy bits form and swim around in the milky goodness before i slurp em up.

*my verbal skills are no better than my writing skills. so if we ever speak on the phone, this is the best you can hope for.

*i love animals. i also don't eat them. (except i did have clam chowder in santa monica weeks ago. i did ask B if he thought clams had feelings or if they feel pain. he didn't know, so i went for it. shame it wasn't worth it.) animals, their presence and behaviors make up a significant part of my spiritual life.

that is SO plenty about me. its all i can take, really. i'll post pictures of miles next which is why you come here. i'm onto you.

perking up a bit around here. glad of it.

and still it got worse

you are a goddess to me

forever

trapesing up in a patent

leather corset

cocktail in hand

studded party girl

at the front of the stage

my tears are on parade

i miss you already

jolly nymph

star of vinyl dreams

and gothic chopstick hairdos

the maniacal things you said

make me laugh even

when i'm crying for you

big spirited virgo sister

not a heavy heart ever

forever

my friend

rest in pure joy, maya.

your life will always be a precious gift to us.