(Post Script: I am getting some passionate feedback about this quote. I think it is being received as rather politically incorrect, and understandably so. Dr. Faye's voice can be a bit harsh sounding, but I don't mind. I would rather be on red-alert about dangers to children than just hope they'll turn out okay. She doesn't pussyfoot around like some parent-protecting therapists and I love her for that. She's all about the kids, as it should be. Join in with your two cents! This is the most fun I've had in months.)
This is Miles with his hand in the dog food bowl. He heads over that way each morning before I have a chance to pick it up and move it into the canine garage-lounge. This morning he was so into it that I just let him play in the bowl until he tired of it. His sleeper was covered in kibble dust in the end.
I tried uploading the picture with his hand moving toward his mouth, but it won't load up. You can bet he did [that] a few times, at least....
He's been cranky all day, leaving me feeling like I want to throw myself off the Lake of the Woods bridge a few times. Won't eat, won't nap. Just cries and reaches for me all day long.
He is out for a walk with Daddy now and I miss him like crazy.
Went shopping at the local nursery today and found some yummy gifts to round out my holiday givins. Had to stuff my pockets full of cheerios to keep you-know-who decent inside the nursery building. On the drive home, we listened to one of his favorite cds and he bounced along happily. Short lived, but I was glad to have a few happy minutes in the car. It has a great version of Dylan's New Morning on it.
When I look at them full size, even if they are no good, I can hardly bear to delete them. I have this thing about moments-I hoard them. Deleting even a poor picture is something like a sin, because it showcases a moment and if I delete it, I am deleting the evidence that it happened forever...
Totally O.C., I know.
I try to keep only the best or most useful things in my life, but I struggle with letting go. I feel a sense of loss, then grief, when I lose details about something or someone I loved or cherished.
For me, being an artist has meant creating within a moment. A specific energy is circulating, and I am capturing and documenting it when I write, paint or sculpt. Evidence that I am able to harness and color moments makes me feel grateful. I have a strong ethic of gratitude, not always a bad thing, unless you're me.
Not writing, not taking pictures, or not documenting my life is decidedly ungrateful, unappreciative, not drinking in the moment, not recording the magic, living WRONG.
I have kept dozens of journals in my adult life. When I read them, I can see who I am clearly. I can see that I am a good person, the same person, on my path. Apparently, I forget a lot.
Creating and documenting reminds and shows me that I deserve to be living. That I have earned it. My lovely creations prove that, right? I am worthy? (Wounded underbelly exposed).
This entry is dedicated to Monica Mardou who believes that everyone but she has it all figured out.
We decorated our little tree last night and contemplated what the holiday means to us. Neither B nor I are religious, so the intended message of Christmas doesn't apply in our household. However, it's as a good time as any to create a ceremony of giving and receiving to say thank you and I love you to those people we adore.
I love the ritual of making gifts and wrapping packages, writing dear friends names and addresses on the envelopes. I love making the lists. I love the ambient lights, spicy eggnog, cinnamony and evergreen smells and dressing up.
I love thinking about Miles under the tree on Christmas morning. What breakfast will we have? I would like to do the same thing every year. Crepes? Pancakes? Facon? Muffins?
How will we tell him about Santa or the Spirit of Santa?
I'm looking forward to knitting my boys up closely around me, getting cozy under a blanket together, and holding the moments for as long as I can.
Soon, the excitement of the new year and its fresh possibilities will take over. Until then, I plan to soak up this scrumptious holiday energy!
I've not posted in too long! This week found me crafting up a storm to participate in a little local holiday street fair with some of my mountaingirl tribe, peddling our fused glass and felted wares. I had little time for anything else! Creating during the holidays is especially satisfying to me-making gifts for loved ones isn't something I make a point to do every year, so I'm really HAPPY to be doing it this year! Squishing the hot, soapy water into the smelly sheeps wool and listening to Christmas music-bliss, I tell you.
I want to point you to one of my favorite mamas on the web who interviewed me for her monthly "Mom to Mom" piece this month. Wendy has another post which demands attention from any readers who believe that the choice of co-sleeping should be left up to parents. There is a NY hospital detailed that makes its patients sign an agreement committing them not to co-sleep with their infants and toddlers. It is so disgustingly out of line for any establishment to refuse care to parents who choose to co-sleep. As if it is some kind of crime or secret guilty pleasure to sleep with one's baby! Egad. Please follow Wendy's link to voice your opinion on this matter. As much as I'd like to pretend my choices aren't often in danger, they are. Honestly, what is next?
If you love to laugh your ass off, listen to this. Oh my good heavens, I almost peed a million times. I had to listen twice. If you are a fan of The Office, go NOW.