Rest in the Nest

I don't think anything could have prepared me for feeling as tired as parenthood has made me feel.  I've never been one to be able to burn the candle at both ends for too long without feeling it, but lately I feel I could go to sleep for days.  My fantasy is that my dreams would work through all of my mental quandries and I would wake up feeling refreshed and recharged.

Working as a massage therapist means that I deliver much-needed rest and healing to others, which is a strong declaration for anyone once they claim that service for themselves, don't you think?

I think being an older mom means that I don't have the energy these twenty-something moms have (Nina).  This makes it really difficult for me to decide whether to have another baby, which is on my mind a lot lately, too.  I can't imagine feeling this tired three or four years from now!  Miles usually sleeps through the night in his room and has been doing this pretty consistently for nearly a year.  I feel like I need to pay back the deficit from all of the moving, travelling and sick nights back in the summer. 

I have got to take this season to slow down.  I think I need to strategize. Do you know of any tricks I might try? Here are some things I thought I could do to try to recharge myself:

*Do less.

*Make fewer plans at night and on weekends.

*Hire a housekeeper.

*Eat power foods.

*Cook for the upcoming week on weekends.

*Take my vitamins instead of letting them rot on the shelves.

*Exercise.  Hello!

*Try to sleep in one day on the weekend.

I'm sure there is an antiquated copy of Women's Day magazine lying around in a local thrift store that has all of the answers.  That would be too easy.  Send your amazing magical remedies my way and help a Pixie out.

Comments

[Laurel]

I think you answered your own question -- sleep for days! Get a massage yourself. Do yoga. Do nothing. I promise if you claim at least two days for yourself to recharge, it will pay off big time. Then you start doing the little things that keep you from becoming exhausted in the first place. My long weekend at the coast -- doing nothing but sleeping, writing and having someone rub my feet -- made me feel like a different person. Grace and I have been sick for over a month, but I'm still not as tired as I was before my retreat.

[Maggie]

I love retreats, and yoga and massages. I don't have personal experience yet of what it's like to try to make time for oneself when you're a mother...but I find it helpful to figure out what my time off is, and then commit to taking it. When I was in my Master's program, I committed myself to never scheduling anything on Sundays. I was absolutely strict about it for a while, and it felt so good to me because anytime I started to feel down during the week, I could look forward to the 24 hours I had carved out and fiercely protected for myself. That alone was healing, I'm sure. Sometimes I ended up in the house all day, other times I would go out and have a full day of activities. But nothing on the calendar.

Like Laurel said, you're answering your own question, and you'll find what works for you. It might be five minutes at a time, or three days. Or something in between. You'll know when you're finding a good balance for yourself.

Love you. XOXO

[holli]

if you're not weird about someone else jacking with your stuff then totally hire a housekeeper. if someone else cleaned for me that would be a huge time saver...if i wasn't such a freak about my stuff. but i feel your pain!

[pmc mom]

Hi Pixie, I found having someone clean my house was a HUGE help!!! I don't have one now that the beauties are older but when they were little it was miraculous when the cleaning help left and the entire house was clean for at least for 30 seconds. I highly recommend it. Also, if you are unusually tired you might make sure that all your hormones and chemicals are in balance with a blood test. A few years ago I felt extremely fatigued and thought I should take vitamins which I did, however, I later found out that my thyroid was not producing enough "stuff". Once I corrected that I was back to my old self. I am quite a bit older than you and more prone to this sort of thing and I doubt that you have a problem but better to know than not. Take good care of yourself, you are the only mommy SMiles has!!

[patricia]

lots of good ideas here -- i wish i'd read "add friendly ways to organize your life" (a lot sooner than this fall), because that's really helped me a lot -- planning doesn't come easily to me but it's made a huge difference -- when my kids were young i also used to do kidswaps with folks (my boy had a playdate over there for 2 or 3 hours -- usually included lunch ;), genders didn't matter...and then the next week it would be my turn to have the kids...the key is to have 2 kids who more or less get on ok together cuz then it's like a break every time for you whether you have the kids or not (and don't squeeze in every last bit of drudgery or phone call you MUST get done during that time cuz then it defeats the purpose -- relax and have a cup of tea and enjoy the few moments of peace -- took me a while to catch on to that part)...

[Goddess of Leonie]

hey poppety pumpkin,

totally off topics.. wish i was jetting EAST to see you... but i'm g'arn WEST instead. still... crazy wild miraculous adventures await!~

i have no idea... and am still learning ze art of self care myself...

just shooting questions out... some of which you prolly do already...

do you nap on mama earth? daily?
do you have established "quiet time" everyday for you and the M-man where *you* actually do the quiet time thing too?
do you have massage swaps with a massage friend?
what's your sugar levels at? do you have sugar in the afternoon to get you past the slump?
my mama had five of us, last one at 35. her words of mama wisdom that she has dispensed over the years that she felt better when she went for a walk everyday by herself if possible (or even with kids in tow), didn't have tea with sugar and biscuits in the afternoon, and that after 2 or 3 kids, it becomes crowd control and is much much easier to deal with! too funny :) so we would have friends and cousins over during holidays (because 5 wasn't enough) to plump up the crowd control numbers and mostly just do our thing. (leonie's thing was to sneak off and hang out with her best friends - the animals).
if you could do anything, what would that be?

big hugs and love to you precious woman
xoxoxo

[Swirly]

Hello Sunshine...I have learned the art of saying no, of taking my vitamins and getting my exercise. For a while I was doing really well at keeping my life in good balance, but lately I have felt things get totally out of whack again. Your post is a reminder I need to return to those patterns I worked so hard to develop at the beginning of the summer when my body was rebelling in all sorts of crazy ways. Take care you my dear.

[Lil]

hello pixie, found my way her on the advice of goddess leonie...and glad i did because man oh man can i relate to your struggle to make YOU time...

being 40 for me means that i know my body limits...i know when i need to nap, i know when i need to cocoon, i know when i need to escape...it's just the damn timing! my partner and i now have regular scheduled nights...he goes out one, i go out another...or sometimes i just ask him to take over while i squirrel away in my bedroom with a book, or listen to the water fountain or music, or just snuggle under the duvet and rest. it's never enough...but it's something. one day i fantisize about going away for a week...by myself, no child, no partner...no one other than me, to do what i need to do for myself with no one else's adjenda. oh and the day my daughter can go downstairs and get her own breakfast so that i can sleep in!

i hope you can give yourself permission to do what you need to do for yourself pixie...that was big for me...no one else was going to do it for me...it was hard, i felt selfish and guilty and a bit undeserving, but i don't now...now i come back just that bit more centered and grounded...and less resentful that my time is mostly focused on everone else.

wishing you rejuventating moments, in whatever form it (they) take!

peace in,
Lil

[Jennifer]

HI Darling. I had to come to your blog to see how you're doing! Of course you know I have an opinion on everything.
1. Check your iron levels. If you're low you may find Floradix is a good solution.
2. Scedule a day a month on your calendar for you. Get someone to take care of Miles off site for a day.
3. Hire a housekeeper (like everyone else says) the week prior to your scheduled day off so if you're at your house you won't have to worry about "things to do".
4. Schedule a massage for yourself that day.
5. Spend time that day doing a planned special craft or going to your favorite coffee shop.

Lot's of love you....

[nina]

oh pix, i may be a twenty-something, but i'm still freakin' TIRED. tired with a capital T. so tired that even though it's only 10:36am i'm ready for bed.

just wait until you see how early i go to bed! it's ridonkulous. xx

[Gemma]

My life saver that I have developed over many years of struggling with over-scheduling myself is to make Saturday morning absolutely sacred, and the whole day when I can. I sleep until I wake up by myself, whenever that is. Then I get up and write, drink tea, burn candles and incense, pray, and look ahead in my Life Organizer and answer some of the coming week's questions. I might read a chapter of The Artist's Way. I feel free to watch a movie later, or collage, or sit outside and stare up through the branches, or whatever. Sometimes I go over to the wonderful natural foods store in my little town and buy some sort of healthy treat. When I keep my Saturday morning for me, I stay mostly sane and productive. When I don't, I tend to get really frazzled and susceptible to illness during the subsequent week.

The key has been telling everybody else that I don't schedule things for Saturday mornings, period. People generally respect that. Best wishes for finding your sanity and healing time!

[pixie]

Thank you all so much for answering my call. I am feeling a bit better and I'm heartened to know that I'm not alone. You are all my inspiration to take much better care of myself! Thank you for sharing here and opening up. xxxoooo
pix

[Mouse]

I just stepped by following a thread from Keri Smith and, not being on to lurk in the shadows, here's my feel-better recipe;
A long walk barefoot along the edge of the sea...
Kicking up fallen leaves in a park where children play
Stroking a pony's mane
Sitting gazing at the flames in the fire
Writing a letter to my kids