Last night I did a healing on myself at bedtime. I had an old, old issue I needed to experience some more release with and I have a trick I use to perform soul retrieval on myself with (which those of you who are in the SouLodge will get to work with), because sometimes when I need to do some deep inner healing, I don't have time to schedule an appointment with a local practitioner and wait for it. It may require more assistance and deeper work with a trusted healer later, but to begin, I just needed to get the work moving.
As often is the result, I felt a big shift and the thing that was triggering me had a lot less energy behind it. What I think is miraculous is that we get to a point where we are capable of doing much work ourselves. I love to go outside of myself for feedback and help, bodywork, acupuncture, therapy, power conversations within my phone tribe...I've loved the tools I've been able to gather through all of the work I've found myself smack in the middle of, sometimes when I least expected it. Last night's retrieval left me feeling pretty open and clear.
First thing today, I got caught up in a conversation online about labels, judgement, politics, and fear, (and Dennis Hopper, who I never knew spent some time as Republican, but as the story goes, was both radical and dynamic at the same time. I don't know why I was surprised, knowing wild him). On the heels of my last post, I figured it wasn't an accident that I'd landed here. The powers that be have a strange way of testing me faster than I can say, "One Love".
The messages coming through on many levels is that I'm not comfortable being in boxes, and neither were the women I was having the discussion with, though I got that we're probably polar opposites in the voting booth. Who knows? Maybe not. I didn't give a damn. I wasn't going to sit there under old previous umbrellas and see our differences. I consciously sought to see where we were the same. It wasn't hard to come from an honest place and feel comfortable without being accomodating. And they were doing it, too. It was enlightening and liberating on many levels. Not to go there-to differences. What purpose would it have served?
I've called myself all kinds of things in order to try to get to know myself better, to draw people toward me or distance them from me. This evolution that is taking place, for so many of us collectively, is that when we stand in our power as women, we don't need those ill-fitting garments anymore to protect us. We can trust that if we eat a piece of bacon we won't slide down a slippery slope and become dietarily irresponsible, or environmentally unconscious if we don't by a hybrid vehicle. The need to prove and appear put together- of value to onlookers - starts to wane as our hairs gray and fight for more precious real estate up there where all of the thinking goes on. Surrender to coming of middle age, hence accepting the staff of emotional maturity isn't as grim as it sounds. Think of Georgia O' Keefe, how even in her white-haired days, which is how most of us remember her, she was a wild, free Woman. And naked! She was beautifully unbound.
Many of us have our feet on varying stones of this meditative walk to getting clear, but one thing seems certain: It seems we are willing to become even more comfortable with who we are. There is no need to qualify our choices, offer disclaimers for the shape our homes are in, do it all right in the outer world, get the thumbs up for our casseroles.
There is bigger work to be done in the inner world, which in turn manifests more boldly in the outer. It's a long process, and each time the road rises up, I find I'm ready to meet it. When a piece of me feels like it's gone missing, I want to go back and rescue it and bring it back in, my way.
This old Earth moves and evolves so slowly, so patiently, rhythmically. My hope is that we can learn to be kind during our transitions, as she is. That we can create with intention and purpose, but without expectation to look like something that others might find agreeable. It's not about being ambivalent about what others think-rather it's putting what a woman thinks about *herself* first.
Ours is the heart we have to heal.
No ribbon, please.