On Saturday, I had the high privilege of circing in council and in a sweat ceremony with a group of SouLodge sisters at the Ojai Foundation. I decided to sweat this Fall to embrace the energies of the West and cleanse, which for me means to feel my feelings. I don't know if it's because as a mother, I hold the container for so many feelings at home, and also in Lodge, but I have a difficult time accessing the recess of emotions. My clue that the time has come to do such ceremony is when the feelings are leaking out this way and that and landing on my unsuspecting loved ones: pile up.
I love the lodge that Elissa holds so much because she is a woman who shows up out of ego, in all of her glorious human power and spirited connection, fully connected and committed to the women she's pouring water for. The integrity of the lodge is so high and the quality so impeccable, it's what has made me feel safe to go as deep as I require to access and connect.
I got what I went for, hearing messages of opening wider, expanding more vastly, breaking down resistance, and revealing the bare core of me, as the Earth swallowed me whole in heat and moisture- and in her love, because a lodge is a womb. When inside, it is as if being inside the Mother. I can't even describe how it feels except to say that it is a profound holding and healing.
Crawling out of the lodge onto the Earth after round four, the sensation of being born was overwhelming, as always. With sand caked to my legs, the night air cold on my soaking-wet dress, the scent of copal heavy in my hair, in the darkness in front of the altar and the fire, it is impossible not to feel unbelievably light and brand new. The offerings, songs and journeys given and taken are a blessing to the Earth, to humankind, to the magnificent All That Is.
Thank you to all of you who offered prayers and held space for those of us journeying inward. Thank you to Elissa and Paul, and the firetender, Adam, who serve generously and nurturingly. Thank you to the spirits who joined us and for all that was given back to the Mama so that we could emerge fresh and clean for the season. Thank you to the four women who joined me from SouLodge, all brave newcomers to the ceremony, all who hung in there and pressed up against their own resistance in order to break through.
The veil thins to paper this week with Samhain, and the energies of the ancestors come forward; I'll be setting intentions in front of this evening's Full Moon for all that's in my heart. Blessings to all of you walking the medicine road, and to all who are carving out their own meaningful path. I hope to see you in the Lodge someday or meet up at a crossroads when the time is just right.