You have no idea when you give life to someone, a stray dog or your own children, that you are also giving them to death. We don't want to carry this idea. We want to carry the forever feeling of our bond in life with silent fear of what that will look like when things unfold as they inevitably will. We want to live our daily lives mostly avoidant of the fact that night follows day and death follows life. What I seek, in all of this SouLodging and soul-working is meaning, a home within myself-something that has room for it all: the night that will always follow the day, and the death that will always follow a life. It isn't easy.
You'll have to read this post to appreciate where I'm coming from tonight. In a strange and sudden, unexpected twist of fate, we lost our Morgie early Saturday morning to a complication with tetanus.
Befriending all of life (and it's dark companion) and juicing it for all of the beauty I can stand to hold is all that I can do. Morgan fought to stay with us, at just three years old, seemingly knowing what a wake she would leave behind, and I fought to keep her alive. Letting go is never easy.
Morgan crossed over on the exact same day that Blue did three years ago. The week was full of uncanny symbols: Samhain, Halloween, my crawl from the womb of the Mama into new light, a shedding of shadows, a Black Widow that appeared and disappeared several times, unusual dreams of Blue, and of my grandfather who crossed that prompted my mother to gift me with a black Wolf pelt two years ago.
What I wanted Morgan to know, and what I wanted to feel, as I scraped up every shed hair off the front seat of my car, and placed them into the pouch I'd tossed into my purse on the way to the canine neurological center, is that I WILL CARRY HER. That her life was so meaningful to me.
I want every loved one in my life to know this.
Sweet Morgan, Morgie Lee, Morgan le Fay, of the mysterious and magical shadowy faery realm, you ruled our hearts here. Now you and Blue can run the heart show on the Other Side. Make them laugh as you did for us here. Dazzle them with your charm and your energy. Take everything that you need for yourself, like the great Oak, and give everything back to them in spades, as you did for me, Dark One.