Untitled Perfection

It seems that "God" is often the hot topic where I work.  In this small town, religion rules.  B and I were pillowtalking about gnosticism, atheism, brights and other -isms last night.  I told him how I was just tired of labels. 

I am.  Would you judge me a better person if I told you I was an "environmentalist", a "vegan", a "liberal"?  I do make assumptions about someone's character when I hear their label, and I have put my own labels out so that people will make assumptions about me.  When I started to eat fish, I was hesitant to lay down my vegetarian label because it felt comfy, plus I still wanted to be associated with the positive ethical assumptions one sometimes makes about vegetarians.  But I had to, because it didn't fit anymore...it was a too tight sweater that had to be tossed in the donation pile no matter how I'd loved it.  I fell short of its expectations and at times seeped through it's seams.  It felt uncomfortable because it wasn't true.

God is no different.  Most assumed definitions of God make me fidget and do little for me spiritually.  Divinity, too, but I like the word better than the G-word.

Einstein referred to what amazed him as "the awe of the universe".  I clutch that phrase a bit because I am so amazed by life and emotion and people and miracles-it seems to encompass so much.  Some things are too complex, beautiful, and emotional to describe in language.  The little things that sparkle in the spaces between what we can talk about are the places I feel divinity dwelling, like in the suppression of air beneath my baby's hand as he is placing it over mine or the gasp between my neck and earlobe of my lover's breath.

I reach for my pen or my camera and find that this disappearing and reappearing piece of lovedust has escaped through my fingers again.

My friend SJ gives the greatest hugs ever, no one can duplicate them. She makes a circle on your back with her hands, but it feels like a swirl of warm energy on your soul.  Divinity.

That splithair second between a dividing embryo's cells-divinity.

Wings and wind lifting together...a fleeting pink and purple sunset...the subtle and sometimes surprising drive in each of us to act out of immense love toward another being...a sincere almost-tear floating in the corner of my girlfriend's eye...colostrum's magical antibodies...

For me, none of this magic lives in judgement of others, in the concept of a wrathful God, punishment, sin, or whatever the opposite of sin is, or in labels.

I don't know what to call it and I don't suppose it needs to be called anything at all.