Pink Coyote

Funday Report

This Funday was so worth making the effort for. I was about to bail out because, of course, it rained this morning, but I wanted to be clever enough to pull it off rain or shine. I will post the rest of the photos at Flickr by Monday just for kicks

These starshines are so on top of it-check out their fun reports at their homeblogs:

Wendy
Nina
Amy

It really goes without saying, but Funday is freaking fun. Do the Campbells look ready for bigtime fun, or what? Our first stop was at the Lone Juniper Alpaca Ranch, at what seemed like the top of the world. The incredible hostess, Penny educated us on the whathaveyous of llamas and alpacas, while we browsed the soft and furries in the shop. We went outside as the fog was lifting and she was able to call the alpacas near to us. Alpacas are so cute! FUN! If you have half a day and live in southern California...

Next stop was the Coffee Cantina for caffeine and snacks. Pictured here are dear, fun friends Gina, Stevie and Chloe.

This picture is taking up valuable real estate here, but I had to include it because the F word is so prominent. I am dedicated to finding the word in print every Funday. Chatterpillar was where we found the wacky squishy thing that became M's hat below.

Look at the wild eye on the guy who puts the M in Muse.

This day has been so much fun that I am falling asleep on the keys. More on fun by weekend's close, including a bit on a dear friend who is making a dream come true as we speak...

Thanks to you who participated - you are true sports with great senses of humor and playfulness! Over.

FUNDAY instructions

in february i declared the last day of the month Funday. mostly because i was bored to death and needed to get out of the wintery, cabin-fevered mini-house. the reason i want to keep it going is because though i (we) have a generally fun day to day life, when i plan fun things ahead of time, i take care to make a whole day of doing things i've wanted to do but have not yet. i'm very excited about getting miles out tomorrow and doing fun stuff. at some point i have to rename the day because "Funday" just sounds queer. HERE'S WHAT YOU DO: email me at campbellhq@earthlink.net with the link to your Funday postings (include photos, writing, artwork, whatever you did that was pure fun) and i will link back to your site in the body of my post at the end of the day on friday, march 31st. i will accept links from early friday through monday april 3rd. after that, you'll have to wait until next month to be linked, but do still have fun even if you don't post about it!!! here are some things to consider: *animal parks *jumping in those inflatable castles and such *putting on colorful clothes and taking silly photos of yourself *eating crazy food (think flowerheads) *visiting local attractions *listening to your favorite upbeat tunes *picnicking *video arcades *run thru sprinklers *throw glitter into the air and let it fall on you *gather neighborhood kids and play ball *walk a friend's dog or take their kids out to play (please) *slide down the kiddie slide and swing on their swings my dusty soul needs this day much more than i thought! good luck!

BLUE

girlie.

how could i pass up the opportunity to share a picture of my big girl? blue has been with us for six years. we were at the silverlake dog park with hank one day just before i launched the napcake pajama company when we saw her. i was already working from home and hank needed a friend (so he would leave me the hell alone). her owner was actually her rescuer (a woman who makes a career out of busting dogs out of the pound)and was seeking a home for her. blue had been hit by a car and had a horrible kennel cough. someone had taken her to the south central l.a. pound after the accident and because of her sweet nature, they kept her there a couple of days extra in the hopes that someone would pick her. she was delivered by her kind captor that week and here she stays.
blue is a blue merle australian shepherd mixed with we don't know what. she likes to kiss forever. her breath smells a bit like a river bottom, but we kiss her still. she loves sweets, especially ice cream and cookies. she likes to sleep on the couch at night, but comes to get in bed with us in the mornings. she sits sleepily on the saltillo tile floor each morning and poots a few times. they are so dainty, i try not to let her know i'm giggling at her.
a few years ago, she was bitten by a rattlesnake on the nose while we were hiking through the wildflowers off of 138. we thought we might lose her, but she pulled through. what a scare!
she is our matriarch and is so protective of miles. blue is the week's theme at one of my favorite sites: mama says om. today i honor my Blue Girlie.

bats and eagles

miles is sitting in his morning entertainment saucer that turns him into a busy little guy at his workstation. i just heard myself saying to him, as i refilled my coffee cup, "just a few more minutes, little guy, mommy's still plugging into her power source." i had to laugh at myself for several reasons. he is so very busy chewing on a rubber star that i doubt he heard a word i said. also because when i get online in the morning and check the blogs of my powerwomen, i recharge on your wisdoms, inklings and our space-agey "connection". thank you for your nuggets of gold. the world feels right this morning.

night before last i had a very strange dream. in the dark basement of a newly purchased haunted house, a bat flew repeatedly into my head. i flailed my arms once in a while to move it along on its way. i wasn't creeped out by its leathery wings and screechy sounds. i've actually touched a bat before so the sensation was familiar. (we get bats in the house here on the mountain). bats are all about change, initiation, a new way of seeing things or being. but most fun and noteworthy, it reflects an increased opportunity with greater numbers of people. i am intrigued and can't wait to see how this will manifest.
when wild things attack me in any way, dream or other, i feel they are really trying hard to get me to notice their message or medicine.

so in last night's dream, a dozen bald eagles circled over me and kept dive bombing as if they would scoop me up in their giant talons and carry me off! i had to scurry for cover. bald eagles indicate all sorts of heavy stuff-but most significant to me right now is their message of psychic ability (white head) and lofty connection to the heavens. i have experienced an increase in my connection to my primitive self (root chakra/baby birth), but i feel SO grounded and earth mama that i haven't been feeling that opening at the crown of my head that keeps me connected to spirit.

it doesn't really surprise me that my unconscious messages are coming to me in dreams now, considering how my attention is on other matters during my wake time. *sigh* with a new baby, there is simply not time for everything to be the same as it once was.

a mentor of mine likes to remind me that i am connected, just not in the way i expect to be. when i remember that, it brings me comfort. being a creature of habit, it takes another person to hold up the mirror and show me that indeed, my truth is showing through. in order for me to "see" the reality around me, i want to remember to use all of the lenses available to me. not just the ones that have become most comfy over the years....

asked with humor: is there anyone out there who is as nuts about animal medicine as i am?

spt: marie

marie, 2005. this is a side of me that most do not see.

i have this wig, okay. and every once in a while, i have an unforeseen need to use it. this day last year was a friend's 50th birthday in which we all dressed as old ladies and held a surprise party for her. yay, pam! dig that coral lipstick, baby.
i call my alter marie lattrell and she is a bit of a yenta. she was conceived for my aunt's 50th birthday a few years ago and marie roasted auntie over the fire springer-style. yay, sandee!
so there you have it. crazy me.

and you thought i was all about business...

grandpas and stuff

this man will determine my day today.

my dear grandpa may have another surgery today. he is 80 years old and is seen here holding miles when miles was about 3 weeks old. grandpa is diabetic, blind, has prostate cancer and never ceases to crack me up. he is one of the funniest people i know. i think his crazy sense of humor is what has gotten him by in life. i know he is a bit frightened, but he is surrounded by many family members, and that makes a big difference to him. please send my grandpa courageous thoughts today as he faces this difficult task. he used to sing bill's songs over and over when i'd visit. they are emblazoned on my brain because of him. he is one unique individual.
this weekend was nice. the campbells stayed inside mostly, except to take a neat walk around the neighborhood with miles in daddy's baby backpack.
we sorted through boxes in the garage-hello, giant garage sale to come-watched about 10 episodes of season four alias(which is about to officially jump the shark), made dinner plans for the week (i'm really getting into this planning thing-how did i live without it for so long?!), read from some inspiring books, took baths with miles, made roaring fires, and generally relaxed.
oh! and the neato-est thing was that i ordered the quickstart guide to illustrator, bought my domain name and hosting service and am that much closer to creating my own website. i know that to most of the civilized world, designing her own website is a cinch. i've hid under the covers of my husband's dreamweaver skills for too long. i'm going to do it on my own now, so i can be a big girl.
thanks to all of you who have sent me tips or suggestions! especially amy, who was right on about hostradius.
tomorrow is a rather special spt and don't forget that Funday is coming up on friday! start thinking about all the fun things you will do... and check back here for instructiones on how to get your Funday report seen.

working

mileses bum, 5 months.

last night i drew up the plan for my website. i prepped five canvases to be worked on next week, part of our new schedule that allows B and i to squeeze in some much needed creative time. last night i remembered how difficult it is for me to seperate myself from miles. even when i'm just a room away, i have a hard time saying "bye bye" to him. it isn't because B or anyone else can't take care of him well, i am just very attached to him.
it felt really euphoric to be working. some of my supplies are still on their way here, but i managed to work with what i had. i've got this new rhythm to my painting that is familiar and heady. since the first two pieces of this style that i've done, i feel really in my groove with the work.
i'm quite excited to start gathering my resources and lauch the site. my feeble brain is swimming with new ideas and colors, swirling with that hyper energy that comes when something exciting is about to be born.
these women are helping me stay focused and present this week-penny, christina, keri and katrina. check 'em out, they're sure to lift and inspire you as they did me.
i want to share my favorite new brunch recipe for vegetable pie with you. so easy and yummy. i served it (to myself) with a couple of sharp cheese sticks and some kiwi. or brie would be good, too. mmmm! kind of like a last bit of springy-winter comfort food:

PIXIE'S VEG OUT PIE
thaw 2 frozen pie crusts
soften chopped onion, garlic and mushrooms in a skillet, low heat
boil diced potatoes, yams, carrots, parsnip, turnip for a couple of minutes, reduce the heat, then simmer til still a teeny bit firm, not quite soup-soft. throw in some snapped green beans and squash during the last five minutes.
drain the boiled veggies and dump it all into a bowl and toss with nutmeg, salt, pepper, dry parsley and any herbs you have on hand that will work.
put the first pie crust round into a round cast iron skillet, filler up and then cover with the other pie crust round. pinch it all up martha stewart-like, make a little star by jabbing the center with a knife a few times and bake on 350 for about 40 minutes. if the top gets too brown too fast, cover it for the early part and uncover it near the end. it reheats better the next day even. don't you love food like that?

so yum. slice just like a fruit pie and eat. then have some ice cream after that. then later on that evening, have an uncle eddie's cookie and some milk....

ponder ponder

my first son, hank. we sometimes call him gary.

i'm good at pondering
overthinking
turning the idea this way and that
today's notion is no different
nibbling away in my brain
as i reheat vegetable pie for a real friend
ticking tocking quietly as i
lie on the fluffy grey flannel
in bed with my baby
overdue for his nap
squiggling around like a snake
in a too small basket
curling up like corkscrew smoke
wondering why, why
i wonder why that thing got to
be this way
and knowing that under all of the wiggling, squiggling,
nibbling, quibbling and curling going on in there
nothing can make it something it isn't.

FOUNDATION

this week's theme at Mama Says Om is foundation. jung says that "the foundation of human nature is instinct". this is freshly true for me. having a baby taps a person into that rushing vein of primeval instinct. in the literal sense, yes, i have become hyper-aware of people, their energy, their ability to drive a car, etc. but i've also tuned into my inner antennae. since giving birth, i feel more...hmmm, goddessy.
i use the image above because a) i'm obsessed with coyote and her medicine, and b)she's behind a chainlink fence here and that is just...weird...wrong. she paced and circled like a lunatic that day. her instincts are stripped like this. she's fighting so hard to stay connected to them.
i must concur with jung.
to be complete, i must also describe my triangle of groundedness: three things keep me sane in the world. B: the man who holds my heart gently in his hand and walks my journey with me. Creating: where my focus becomes sharp, igniting the lamp at the seat of my soul and putting me directly in touch with my unconscious realm. And Spirit: that mysterious, universal, smoky mirror that drops breadcrumbs on my moonlit path and reminds me that i am but a teeny speck in a vast cosmos of connected moments.
thanks, mamas.

spt: attached

ooooh, jinkies, this is up close and personal. i took it while i was walking and had no idea if any of the photos would turn out. i was looking for willow, who had snuck round the back of the house to munch in the dirt. cat poo? i hope not.

when i uploaded the shots, i noticed my attached ear lobes, a funny little bone of contention since i learned the difference between free and attached lobes in biology sophomore year. i have a little not-so-secret crush on jack from lost, but have to make the disclaimer that "i could never love a man with attached lobes". i'm a freelobe lover, you could say. just my silly little thing.

another thing i do, and i'm doing it here, is furrow my brow. like, all the time. i think it is because i have burned out my optical nerves and have to squint to see everything, even with correctionals. my dad also does it. it indicates when he's thinking. me too, maybe.

there is a weird feeling comes over me on self portrait tuesday. i call on myself to notice things about ME, but it makes me a teensy bit uncomfortable. my zen thinking hero, byron katie, says that when you feel that little nudge of discomfort in your gut it indicates an inner struggle against what is. reality is sometimes difficult for me to accept. even something little like my subtle yellowy skintone from pregnancy hormones. i forget about things like that and then when brought to my attention, i think "hey! eeewww." or "is that a freaking blackhead in my ear?!" god forbid.

mercury

very superstitious.

retrograde. the past week has been full of strange blunders. i'm beginning to wonder what planets collided! check out my bad luck string:

*Tuesday: I discovered my checking account had been hijacked by someone in Vegas posing as my husband! Am waiting for bank to reverse charges of $2300 made in two days.
*Thursday: Opened the diswasher and watched as five pieces of my tile countertop broke off and shattered on the floor, grout and all.
*Saturday: Being quiet while baby and husband sleep in, I reach quickly for the ringing phone and pull down cool blue mexican beer bottle I couldn't bear to throw out night before. It crashes to the floor and blue glass shards shoot under baby's crib and dresser in nearby nursery.
*Monday: Again with the dishwasher issues. While running, the offspout located on my kitchen sink sprays about two gallons of water on the countertop just missing my digital camera and laptop.

what is happening??!! i need to remember not to burn any candles until this passes.

lost and alone

rainbowhawk, 2006.

i'm not lost. nor am i alone. but i liked what the character sayid said to charlie in one of the later first season episodes of hit series"lost": "You're not alone, Charlie. Don't pretend to be." it reminded me of the phenomenon that scared humans create.

it sounds silly out of context, but what i want to address is how easy it is to form a habit, a story about ourselves: that no one understands us, that our plight is so much different from that of others, that we are so used to being on our own-it can become a justification for isolating or not calling on others for help, OR losing trust in those who love us.

if i weren't guilty of it myself, i wouldn't see it in anyone else, i suppose. it can be quite comfy (in a masochistic way?) to go into a cave to sort out my stuff. in my own cave, i would be lying if i said i also wasn't prone to sulking a bit about being there by my lonesome. but at what point does the behavior become dangerous? surely it can threaten our relationships?

i know the answer for me-tell me, what is true for you, m'dears?

HUNGER

Birth

Nurture

Protect

Feed

Mama Says Om has a weekly theme, check it out...

getting started

little popeye, march 2006.) today i'm thinking about getting started. my studio is freezing cold, but mostly put away. it is time to continue with my twenty two paintings due in june. due to me, of course. it is a goal i set upon returning from the solvang retreat. "belong" and "paradox" await varnish and can be moved on down the line once sealed. yesterday, i lay on the floor as miles had his "tummy time" and snipped inspiring color combinations and palette ideas from spring catalogs and today i'm ready to work. just waiting for my little man to wind down and take a nap, then i will sprint out and get set up. being a mom and being an artist is possible. being an attachment parenting mom and being an artist is possible. i am relearning how to budget my time. instead of having hours with my journal and sketchbook to outline, work and rework ideas before i put brush to surface, i now leave them open-faced and as i run by with miles in arms, jotting down little thoughts or concepts that will be there when i am ready to go. it works rather well. i think about the work i want to do while i'm nursing, feeding, holding, changing, singing, and bathing the little man. sometimes i see my life like an 8mm film. it is all moving before me, i am fully present in whatever it is i'm doing, but i'm brewing things (art, meals, lovey dovey activities) underneath. my hands are constantly busy with my little acorn, so i've had to learn to find a way to do the work despite their availability. what special tool have you developed in order to adapt to your life? doodle while on the phone? record your ideas into a tape recorder while driving? journal as soon as you wake up? what creative goal do you intend to reach by summertime?

spt: wink

here we are at self-portrait tuesday again already! i often find myself scrambling to pull it together before days end...i'm weeks behind on a hair color on account of foul weather, and am in major need of Eyebrow Maintenence. my skin feels like a dried fish and looks like it, too. i think deconstructing is what spt is about for me. i see my flaws and then say, ahh fuck it. therapy, you know.

today the snow is melting and i'm getting organized. after moving to this cottage and literally throwing our things into the nearest cabinets and closets, i now am sorting through clothes and kitchen items in an attempt to slim down our possessions. the phrase, "we have so much shit!" has echoed through pur home for almost two weeks now. embarrasingly, i can be a bit of a packrat. every couple of years i have a giant garage sale and donation day just to be able to see what we've got and no longer need.

oy. consumers we are. i try to have a rule that each time something new comes in, two things must go out. shame i don't remember this while cruising the aisles at target...

look at her stuff before you decide you need to stop shopping, too...sheesh. my kinda jewels.

polar

brando looking rather clark kentish at the daily planet on franklin ave-our old stompin' grounds.

polar opposite
light to my dark

steady as a ship
high as an airplane

guitar madman
heroic daddy
brilliant firestarter
curious child
laughing maniac
giggling clown
gentle hands
creative genius
pancake master
water god
sun worshipper
gleaming freckled eye

mysterious and deep
compassionate and kind

man of all my dreams come true

happy birthday to you

snow day

oh my lovely little snow bear, how i adore you today and every day! The campbells are taking a snow day today. In the meantime, I give you this:

"The answers you get depend on the questions you ask." --Thomas Kuhn

fear vs. faith

I am thinking about what some of you said two posts ago about fear of failure and of not amounting to anything. In my life, I am always seeking meaning. When I believe there is no meaning to my life, I am truly in a spiritual crisis. and I've been there a few times, but I'm always willing to make the changes necessary in order to get back on track . In the creative community that is my spiritual home, many of us have moved beyond a general fear of complete failure, but like the viper that fear is, it does rear its ugly head now and again.

What I think is important, SO important to this process is having the community. Like souls are here to remind us that we can accomplish our goals, and not to be afraid.

The dark, buried, secret fears are the ones that can hurt us the most. I talk to my intimates about "unchecked" fear or other unconscious itches being the most dangerous.

In a creative community, we artists are quite passionate. We are prone to taking things personally, making mountains out of molehills and sometimes needing to go "underground" to sort out our stuff. I think that this aspect has the potential to make us such whole beings.
Denying our shadow aspects mean we are stuck in the mystifying land of unawares. And while we live there, we are not living our own lives. Who is?

Being a creative person, an artist, if you will, holds all the meaning i need in my life. to me, it means that I am willing to go there.
My medicine woman teacher, Bear Who Dances With the Sky says that a shaman goes to other realms of consciousness to seek wisdom and healing to bring back to the tribe.
An artist does the same thing in my opinion. We go into ourselves to bring forth a meaningful life and, with some of our work we hope to bring a sparkle of hope to others wanting to have the same.
The main reason for not letting fear rule us is that we cannot afford to get stuck. Fear is like a giant fallen tree across our path. Artists find a way to climb, scurry, heave ourselves over in order to keep moving toward the new idea. Introspection is paramount for getting over such hurdles.

I love what Carolyn Myss says about fear in Anatomy of the Spirit:

"Negative acts and negative thoughts originate in fear"..."Faith in anything, be
it positive or negative, produces results. Putting faith in fear generates
destructive results, beginning with the disintegration of our ability to relate
confidently to the world."

What would you do differently if you were absolutely sure that your fears could manifest themselves? That by allowing them to be anything more than fleeting thoughts or fuel, you could be bringing the worst possible scenario to our doorstep. How would you feel if you believed that you are responsible for failing only because you dared to allow it as a possibility? How would you change the way you approach your fears?

Thinking this makes me want to examine my fears even more, to deconstruct them, and take away their power. One of my biggest fears is missing details. I want to pay attention MORE, to hear MORE, to absorb every drop of significance in order to use it in my tapestry.

Tell me, what do you think?

spt: warrior

sparkle shoes, 2005.

it is apparent and true that we want to talk about our fears. and why shouldn't we? talking about them may help us unmask them, paving a path for true vision.
i believe that when we push something down, treat it like something unworthy of our attention because it is bad, untidy, or complicated we are denying ourselves a rich opportunity to first- gaze inward thoughtfully, and second-diffuse what could become (?your fear magnified?).

thing is, it doesn't feel good to see these parts of ourselves. and we don't like feeling the resulting guilt because then we might begin a cycle of self-loathing. we know where that gets us. on a bus headed straight for dark thoughts about ourselves, unworthiness, negative thinking patterns. might the fear manifest the exact action or result you wish to avoid?

declare to face yourself in the mirror, on this self-portrait tuesday. take that thought, that fear or worry and see it for what it is: just a thought. thoughts can be changed. spt is so important to me because i see it as an invitation to accept what i see, and learn to work with just who i am, right now.

you who've set your dreams on too high a shelf, who are afraid of failing, might it be that seeing your dream evolve or change is the frightening thing? that what you thought you originally wanted has shapeshifted into something different or less grandiose? less fancy? less impressively titled?

what opening can be created if you allow your fear to be the thing that shapeshifts. can it shift into power? who would you be if you could use your fear as fuel? remember that fear exists to protect you-but once that job is done, it lingers like an unwanted guest, a tripwire, a cancer.

today i am not afraid. i am not afraid of boredom, of loneliness, of doing my job poorly, of letting this day slip by without looking in the mirror and saying, "what is the real truth?". i can face it. and so can you.

good luck, warriors.

just a question

"The more we repress our feelings, the stronger they become."-Yu
Shu Lien (Michelle Yeoh), Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Are you pushing something down, shoving it aside, sweeping it under the rug, denying it, lying about it, shaming yourself for it, burying it with the dead spiders from the windowsill, taking it out with the trash, manipulating it into something it isn't- something more comfortable, something maybe no one will know about, keeping it secret, washing it down the drain, pretending it's nothing, holding it in, letting it build, planting it deep?


Could it become a wild monster capable of unplanned devastation?


Tell me. Get it out. Post as anonymous if you want to.

You are not alone.

my life as a pack mule

mi vida del burro...

packing it up today for our second move to interim housing. as a young adult i never imagined that i would live in fifteen different homes between the age of 19-34...moving is one of those things that is just a part of life for me. i'm a busybody and i like the fresh, clean slate that a new living space provides.

i want to slow this down now that we have miles. change is so less easy to bear as a child.

going back to my mountain means going back to my tribe. those people in that community which money cannot buy. you know who you are.

all of my art supplies and books are packed. the baby is sleeping now, giving me an unexpected opportunity to breathe deeply and feel the sparks igniting in my tired bones.

this morning the roosters cock-a-doodled and the crop dusters zoomed softly over. no more waking in the night to the sounds of carrot trucks humming at four am and every dog in the neighborhood barking. instead, the sweet interruption of sleep will be of wild dogs and owls hoo-hooing. i look forward to waking up to squirrels scolding one another (as if someone came dragging in late the night before and is now getting his cold acorn pushed in front of him).

a new environment can be just what one needs to spark some much needed creativity. tell me what your environment looks like. what one or two things are staples in your creative space? what can you advise, that i may not already have tried, in order to settle in more quickly and comfortably?