Barn as seen from Marshall hideaway on dusty road, 2006.
To know me, you need to know this: I love a challenge.
I may groan and complain about new ways of being and thinking, but I truly love the process of growth. Evolving as a human, and knowing that I can do it right up until I die, excites me tremendously.
Today above-mentioned friend showed me a birthday card that her daughter gave to her. It read, "To change we must survive, to survive we must change." It rolls around in my mind like a caramel dipped apple in chopped peanuts, resounding a sweet and savory truth.
My story is not unlike many others. I come from a family of deep wounds spanning back as many impoverished generations as we can count. While healing those wounds and breaking the mold are the most important thing to me, they aren't to other people in my family. I've had to learn to seperate from them and let them go, loving them only from afar. It is so painful, as I'm sure you can relate, to witness patterns repeating in loved ones. It has been difficult to step away knowing that I can't endorse such behavior, because to do so results in that enabling thingy. Love doesn't mean we help those who don't help themselves. I'm learning.
I'm pulling out of a slumpy mood. This season has brought heartbreak and then enlightenment, and now I'm ready to have fun, get crafty and take Christmas pictures! I remember my friend Maggie saying years ago that she liked to listen to Christmas music any time of the year because it just makes her happy. I couldn't agree more and have not packed my cds away for the past two holidays. I've been bumpin' Ella's Swingin Christmas in my momcar for weeks!
Coping/grieving and living zestily on my own terms provides a contrast I'm sure you can relate to. We are so similar, you and I.
