My life is getting a little strange. I see myself moving toward something that I have wanted for a very long time-a gig at home with my babes, making art. It's unbelievable how complicated it's been to get to this point. I have lots of energy to put towards this goal, and I can't tell you where it's coming from. The strange part comes in when I look at my near nine-week old daughter: Why am I doing this NOW?
The answer that comes to me is just that now is the time. It doesn't sound urgent or bossy, just gentle-but firm. No judgement about why it's taken me so long. There seems to be just a little bit of fear, a manageable amount, mainly to do with walking that very fine line-the one with my children's needs on one side and the ever-balancing needs of me on the other.
I'm not exactly sure why I feel especially pulled to create and build just [before and] after my second, and likely final, baby has been born. Shouldn't I be drinking her up every minute of every day? Am I sacraficing my precious time with her by staying up very late at night in order to create my little paintings? Wouldn't I have more energy for both of the dumplings if I took better care of my body's need for rest so I'm not staggering into the kitchen like a zombie every morning to the sound of Miles saying, "Momma, maybe you need to have some coffee today..." and giving me sideways glances. Maybe!?
I believe, with full conviction, that it is all too possible to sacrafice my children's needs in order to get my work seen, connect with other artists, answer a million emails, upload, scan, write, blog about (*breathless*) and, of course, I have to take time to make it first. And I, of course, do not want to sacrafice them in any way! But... [she said in a quieter voice] I am also acutely aware of what happens to women when they sacrafice the divine creative within them in order to be mom, wife, housekeeper, banker, et al. I don't have to list them all here because I know you know what I'm talking about. So, a high-wire act it is for me.
And I suppose just as the gong of demand begins ringing a lit-tle louder on Wyatt Street, the need for me to balance it grows deafening, too. I've always said that being a parent feels like walking on a really high tightrope. I seek just enough for me and try to deliver just enough to everyone else to keep us all thriving.
I suppose there may have been elements of this notion swirling around when I created the latest one:
Strength, 6"x6" mixed-media painting on cradled birch board.
Elephants are the ancient, wise ones. They are associated with great physical and emotional strength, resulting in the establishment of deep familial relationships and support around them. They are known for toppling obstacles and never giving up on the journey to act in accordance with one's highest self. Their perseverence distinguishes them from other beings, indicating longevity and endurance when the task ahead is heavy or daunting. Elephant finds her power within her own mighty strength, and enjoys the reinforcement of an empathetic community dedicated to seeking higher wisdom.
The original and prints are available in the shop today...
It seems that if I am present and not lost in the stresses and details of it all, I will be able to pull it off. That's sort of what it feels like, a big heist. Can I defy all convention and do both? Can it be done?
I enrolled in Marisa Haedike's e-course in the hopes that I can learn a thing or two about art and business from her, she is an expert at this and makes being a working artist look as easy to do as watching the grass grow. (Want to join me?) I can't tell you how excited I am that I get to do this. You know the most exciting thing about it? My paintings paid for it. And though it may seem old hat to those of you who have been doing this forever, it's a huge big deal to me!
For anyone out there launching themselves off of a creative cliff, I am speaking to you: There is no better timing than right now.
Nitey night, night owls...