On many occasions I've considered my own intuition to be faulty. But for many years I've been testing a theory that is grounded in the notion that there is no such thing as a mistake, or no wrong path.
I credit parenting, and my personal journey with Coyote for this, because Coyote is one who does what she does and lives through it. There is no such thing as a wrong turn. We may disapppoint or hurt ourselves or others on the path of life, however, what happens, happens. There is no denying it. And no amount of shaming or guilting ourselves about it will bring about justice or balance. It seems that the antidote for life's mishaps and wrong turns is simply to Trust: to trust that there is a reason, that there are valuable teachings on the dark roads. And that none of them have to do with medicating the feelings around the lessons. When open, insights always flow in eventually.
Aren't guilt and shame just medicines that don't work very well? The ethic seems to come from very old and ingrained religious ideas about penance, profuse apology and punishment for being human. They seem to be more leg traps that can take years or even lifetimes to recover from. The human condition seems so desirous of being divine or divine-like, that there is no room for actually being human.
When raising children, this ethic can do so much harm. I don't understand punishing religion and thought. It seems counterproductive to encouraging life. I mean, can you see yourself pouring boiling water on your plants that don't flower on time or produce the sort of crop that you want? With children, punishment also just doesn't make sense. It results in a shrinking back from life.
For women, it has been said that esteem does not come factory installed. If this is true, then I can imagine why it is easier to loiter in a leg trap of shame or guilt, rather than fight one's way out in order to live. What I find again and again, is that women are willing to fight for life. Not just the breathing part, but the thriving my-life-is-a-gift aspect of living into full expression and freedom. Seems it's typically shame, guilt, old punishing values, and comparison to others' flourishing lives (unworthiness) that usurps the process of life. When my mom became sober over ten years ago, everyone in my family felt a huge heave toward life. It was intense and palpable, really uncomfortable. And took a very long time to grow into, even for those of us around her.
What can be born when we release control of past mistakes and decide to live with the present is Faith. When we believe that our goodness and truth will find their own way, we can relax into being. A great peeling away from old ways is occuring. I say grateful prayers every day for being able to be a part of it.
It is a great injustice
and a monumental
act of cruelty
for any religion
to make someone fear God.
-Hafiz
