Pink Coyote

Coyote Parenting

On many occasions I've considered my own intuition to be faulty. But for many years I've been testing a theory that is grounded in the notion that there is no such thing as a mistake, or no wrong path. 

I credit parenting, and my personal journey with Coyote for this, because Coyote is one who does what she does and lives through it. There is no such thing as a wrong turn. We may disapppoint or hurt ourselves or others on the path of life, however, what happens, happens. There is no denying it. And no amount of shaming or guilting ourselves about it will bring about justice or balance. It seems that the antidote for life's mishaps and wrong turns is simply to Trust: to trust that there is a reason, that there are valuable teachings on the dark roads. And that none of them have to do with medicating the feelings around the lessons. When open, insights always flow in eventually.

Charlie

Aren't guilt and shame just medicines that don't work very well? The ethic seems to come from very old and ingrained religious ideas about penance, profuse apology and punishment for being human. They seem to be more leg traps that can take years or even lifetimes to recover from. The human condition seems so desirous of being divine or divine-like, that there is no room for actually being human.

When raising children, this ethic can do so much harm. I don't understand punishing religion and thought. It seems counterproductive to encouraging life. I mean, can you see yourself pouring boiling water on your plants that don't flower on time or produce the sort of crop that you want? With children, punishment also just doesn't make sense. It results in a shrinking back from life.

For women, it has been said that esteem does not come factory installed. If this is true, then I can imagine why it is easier to loiter in a leg trap of shame or guilt, rather than fight one's way out in order to live. What I find again and again, is that women are willing to fight for life. Not just the breathing part, but the thriving my-life-is-a-gift aspect of living into full expression and freedom. Seems it's typically shame, guilt, old punishing values, and comparison to others' flourishing lives (unworthiness) that usurps the process of life. When my mom became sober over ten years ago, everyone in my family felt a huge heave toward life. It was intense and palpable, really uncomfortable. And took a very long time to grow into, even for those of us around her.

What can be born when we release control of past mistakes and decide to live with the present is Faith. When we believe that our goodness and truth will find their own way, we can relax into being. A great peeling away from old ways is occuring. I say grateful prayers every day for being able to be a part of it.

It is a great injustice

and a monumental

act of cruelty

for any religion

to make someone fear God.

-Hafiz

Spring Equinox + March 17th Tele-Lounge

The Equinox is coming and it's a very special day around here because my baby girl will be turning three, just as our part of the world wakes up to the first day of Spring.

We typically celebrate the Equinox by planting seeds and imagining what it is we are manifesting for the rest of the year. If ideas are in their "egg state" now, what will they look like when they hatch in a short time? When they've made a stronger kinship to life as we know it?

We'll be exploring some of these questions of the East in SouLodge beginning on April 2nd, and if you plan to register by March 15th, or already have, join me for a sweet telelounge on Saturday March 17th at 10am PST to hear about some ways to celebrate and integrate the messages of Spring Equinox into your Lodge experience. Watch your inbox for details :)

Spring is associated with Rabbit for reasons sometimes forgotten. However, I hold her dear because I've come to know her as one who utilizes her creativity in order to survive. This is how I feel-I love to bring creative pieces and projects to life because this process, for me, is life-giving.

bunny studies in progress

Sitting outside today, it was noisier than ever. Birds of all kinds, hawks dipping, soaring and screeching, squirrels scuttling about, bees buzzing...the Earth is waking up again. I am so excited to see what sort of hay can be made with all of this beautiful sunshine.

Winners, Please Step Into the Wilderness...

I'm happy to announce that Nicole, Petrea, and Terra have won the spots by our Spring fire this upcoming Spring SouLodge season. Lightseekers, if you will kindly send me an email at soulodgeretreatsatgmaildotcom, I will see to it that your welcome and instructions are sent out to you this weekend.

Thank you so much to everyone who fluttered in to toss your names into the (cyber) hat. I truly want all of you to come in and experience our circle, because... it's awesome. It really is! I'm not choosing my fanciest words to say that, but *awesome* pretty much covers it.

As the weeks flip by, I am becoming more and more inspired and adding more content to choose from (Lodge offers lots of options around how to show up and receive the teachings-and this season is going to blow.your.mind.) It must be the Springtime air and maybe the full mama Moon in Virgo that's kicking me into high gear. This is the fourth Lodge, you see, and it was born last summer, so this is the very first one that carries the energy of Spring with it.

There will be much about creativity this session, envisioning it, surrendering to it, allowing it to be born, and be who it wants to be, watching it grow and evolve. The landscape is calling, waking up, and all of the critters are moving about, showing us the way.

I've read much about what "experts" are calling Nature Deficit Disorder-it's what children (and adults) suffer when they stay indoors doing indoor things for far too long. But less has been said about what happens to the soul of Wildwoman when she does the same.

Just as Rabbit wakes up and scratches it's longish ears, thumps it's hind legs and doesn't question whether it should hop out of it's warren and shine it's rabbity light, so, too, will we allow the Medicine Wheel to remind us how to be at peace just as we are in our most natural state. Better yet, to be thrilled about it.

Fox + SouLodge 4.0 Giveaway

Fox has been calling me out for over a year with some urgency. She's run in front of my car, lured me down a hill outside a restaurant in Big Sur, and showed up in numerous dreams, paintings and writings. She helped me discover some of the work I would be doing with SouLodge.

Driving into town one day two weeks ago, she called to connect again. I stopped the car abruptly to wrap her warm body in a towel, and take her home for sacred burial. I received a large dose of medicine from her that day and am still working with it now. She is a mysterious creature, and a mighty totem, despite her petite physique. With the help of a friend and our two girls, we honored Fox and gave her back to the Earth with blessings. Part of walking my path means taking care to honor the medicine, as I was taught to.

My guys were gone camping, and so I opened the Earth myself this time, placing her bundle between Mama Sycamore and Grandmother Sage. Thank you to all who gave support and blessings the day she went to the other side.

Honoring the sacred lifecycle.

Fox has come in, along with Red-Tailed Hawk, Great Blue Heron, and Elk to accompany our Eagle eyesight into the East with Spring Lodge teachings. It is a very strong Medicine Wheel to walk this time around. After restoring in the North, it's time to warm up the soil and plant the seeds for the remainder of the creative year. The fourth Lodge running will be pretty fiery, with an emphasis on soaring high without burning out.

So let's give away some seats by the fire, shall we?  

THREE winners will be announced SATURDAY MARCH 10th.

*Enter with a comment, and be entered again for a tweet, a blog post, and again for a Facebook share. Be sure to let me know in your comment how many entries to put you down for.

**Those who register by March 15th will be invited to the Spring Equinox call to take place on Saturday, March 17th. I'll discuss the animals who'll be joining us, as well as how to do some clearing and planting ceremony for the Spring Equinox taking place on Tuesday, March 20th.

Registration closes on March 26th. Class begins on Monday, April 2nd.

Gratitude to YOU, the awakened women who walk the path, to the creatures that work as allies with us, to our ancestors, to the Four Directions, to Mama Earth and Father Sky, who teach us all we need to know.

******

For me Soulodge has been life enhancing and nothing short of miraculous.  As a person who strives to connect, remain open, and worship Mother Nature and all of her critters on a daily basis, I had no idea how much more was available.  How connecting with your own soul can make one a happier, stronger, more fulfilled individual.

 

I have done many classes and workshops before and they have been interesting and fun.  Soulodge, on the other hand, has rocked my world!  Giving me faith when my own was waning, making me laugh (at finding out how many carry rose quartz close to their bosom) and making me cry when I feel the human-ness of the struggles we all face.

 

Pixie Campbell is a pioneer for the soul.  She has started with her workshops a revolution for wise and wild women to gather, create, support, connect, conspire and heal themselves, each other and the world.  I am blown away by her courage, honesty and the beauty with which she portrays the balance of being 'strong as mountain and gentle as feather'.

 

I will never forget my time in Soulodge and my whole life will forever be enhanced by the lessons I have learned here.

 

I bow deeply and gratefully to Pixie Campbell ~ The 'Queen Bee' of Soul.

 

--A.Wingfield

 

 **WINNERS OF THREE SEATS IN LODGE ARE...**

Nicole, Terra and Petrea. I've replied to your posts below. Welcome into Lodge, sisters! Send me an email at soulodgeretreatsatgmaildotcom and you'll receive your welcome instructions in your inbox. Thank you all for playing! I hope to see you under the flap on April 2nd.

**Those who register by March 15th will be invited to the Spring Equinox call to take place on Saturday, March 17th. I'll discuss the animals who'll be joining us, as well as how to do some clearing and planting ceremony for the Spring Equinox taking place on Tuesday, March 20th.

Blessings, all. Aho!

Video: Spring SouLodge Demystified

For any of you on the fence about taking Spring Lodge, I want to tell you a little bit about the community and how supportive it is in the video below. It is a beautiful, sustainable women's community which provides us with a space to share our hearts and the gifts that have resided in our soulselves since before we were born. We're entering the powerful season of Eagle, which allows us to start fresh with Spring and begin all things anew.

This season of Lodge transitions softly from Winter's period of restoration and calls upon us to carry the aspects of self-care forward, as the Earth warms up and beckons us forth into the "doing" and "planting" seasons.

Do you have a dream you'd like to create some support around? Are you in a transition that requires new tools? Eagle implores us to step off of the ledge as empty vessels and soar.

Are your wings ready for take off?

Visit the SouLodge site for more information.  

Registration closes on March 26th or until filled.

East with Eagle

This is Eagle. Broad of vision and sharp taloned, having come to me last year. This pair are a magnificent sight and medicine that I am working with extremely carefully. There is so much to learn about this powerful bird, most of which I am only just beginning to see.

When I was twenty, I had to get corrective lenses for my nearsightedness. I still have excellent close range vision, but my far-sight has been impaired since early adulthood. I experienced a trauma at nineteen, and I've always wondered if it had anything to do with my fear of the future. Thinking this way has caused me to do everything I can come up with in order to cure my own vision. It may not be in my power to do so, but I will keep trying to shift my perspective-out of Mouse's tidy little den and up into the great blue sky to take in what lies outside my close range. I believe we can heal these things, if we can go into the origin and do what is necessary to free ourselves from the obstacle that once served as much-needed protection. Letting go. That's what it's all about for me: Trusting that I am safe. Soaring.

Eagle is the token representative of the East, rising with the morning Sun, bringing up the day and all possibilities with it. It is a symbol of vast and wide creativity, trust, connection to Spirit, and grasping what nourishes. Eagle has helped me tune into healing my family's past, present, and future, and he assists me in taking responsibility for my own growth. I have called upon him for guidance in matters of conducting sacred commerce, making educational choices for my children, and infusing my creative path with the flame and possibility of the dawn. It is my honor to work with Eagle and to realize that everything I do ripples out, and that I have a responsibility to understand what that will look like, even a hundred years from now.

Winter SouLodge is rounding out nicely, with its beautiful participants honoring White Buffalo's aspects of elder Wisdom, stillness, and inner council. This is the season of the North, in which we draw inward to conserve energies, connect to the hearth, and nurture the seeds deep inside the womb of Mama Earth-the very same seeds that will pop into action with a spark of warmth come Spring. Spring Lodge is filling quickly, where the focus will be on trust, new beginnings, and nurturing your creative and personal seedlings of 2012 and inspiring them with Eagle's sky dance for our energetic journey into the East on April 2nd.

SouLodge, and the community of women within it's sheltered circle, has become a place for me to hold sacred space for growth and healing of all kinds, and it is my honor to welcome the awakened ones who are called to come to the fire and dance.

 

Golden Days, by Hannah CrazyHawk

 

At Cliff's Edge

It was nine years ago last month that I took myself to Big Sur for the first time. I disorientedly rang up my friend Swirly and asked her where she loved to go when she needed space away from it all, and this is where she directed me.

I'd had a second trimester miscarriage two weeks before I phoned her and those around me were worried that I would go up there and fling myself off of a cliff. Which, interestingly enough, was where I received the healing I required to move forward in the light, and in a new kind of strength that I'd never before experienced, alone.

Traumatic and blindsiding loss made me feel as though I was standing on a precipice. I packed some art supplies and my journal, and took the curvaceous drive up the California coast to the place where artists have been taking sanctuary for a hundred years or more. In many places the road comes very close to the edge of the Earth, reminding me of my fear of heights, my stomach flipping over as I snatched glimpses of the waves crashing on the rocks below.

The room I stayed in had nothing but a bed and a bathroom. No phone, no tv, no cell service. I painted, journalled, slept long hours dreaming of this baby spirit that had chosen to gift me with this experience before gifting me with motherhood.

On my last day there, I decided to stand at the scariest edge I could find on the roadside and rage out my grief-all of it-all the way back to childhood. I recalled what I'd heard someone say about heights reflecting fear not that we will fall, but that we will jump. I wonder if, for me, it was a fear of soaring...despite what was happening in my body and in my injured soul at the time. I remember feeling a tremendous comfort-that the sea was like a big bowl, a container that could totally hear and understand my rage, my disappointment and hold my tears for me. I grew louder and bolder, and still she rocked me softly. The sea lions below barked and cheerleaded. The turkey vultures circled overhead, not in wait for me to lay down and die so they could pick at my bones, but to take from me all that would become toxic if I held it inside. The scent of sagebrush wafted up and cleansed me. I can't remember a time where I felt more held and safe. I closed my eyes and felt the rubble moving under my unsteady feet, and learned to trust for the first time in my life. Tears of rage turned to tears of gratitude for my life, for all that was possible. I felt it for the whole world.

Often I am asked how it is I came to this work-to my connection with the Earth as a healer, and to the creatures. I suppose in some part, it began with this loss, and then an emptying. The void inside of me filled with light and I felt a strange commitment to want to give back to the Earth for the gift of being held when no one could hold me. I wanted to know I could always come here as if to an altar and find my illuminated self waiting at the edge, trusting.

It was lifechanging to discover that between just she and I, a relationship existed that could keep me in the light. That every part of her was rooting for me. Crumbling, barking, splashing, crashing...daring me to live well, to thrive, to be fully expressed.

I travel back every year to revisit the cliff's edge and to reconnect with my own light. Oddly enough, it only rained that year, and I visit in January or February, ritually. Twice I've been pregnant. Every time, I am rebirthed.

Major Foxy Changes

When I created this painting in 2009, Ivy Tallulah was just hatched, nursing up a storm on my front, and hanging around on my back while I launched my Etsy store and fed my creative fire with all of that juiced up mama hormone I'd experienced with Miles, but had been shy about working through then.

Change, the graceful gypsy.

I was feverishly connecting the dots between my art process and my spiritual practice, and so a sixty-piece series was born over the next three years featuring creatures departing colorful cityscapes, and headed for the wild woods- as we who practice journeywork experience each time we relax into the drums and depart consciousness for wisdom that resides deep within us.

What was so important to me was to integrate all of the separate categories and classifications of my life and roll them into my everday muchness. I'd been practicing shamanic journeys once a month in circle, painting on rare occasion, when Brandon would take Miles out for a walk, and mothering in a compartmentalized way that was unbalanced, and yet I was so wholly absorbed and in love with. I don't think I realized that I could do them all at once and not one of them would go hungry.

It was a very big three years. Today I sat looking through some old journals, tearing out pages on which I'd written letters to the babies in my belly, to put in their special tin boxes for later. I'd written all of my dreams down, and my journeys too, and I could see now, seven years beyond the first page of baby notes, how I'd been planting those seeds of integration back  then. I don't know why it surprised me, how it all matched up-why is it that we wake up each day and think that what we're building and growing is something new, when in fact, it's been unfolding all of this time? I suffer a bit of Groundhog Day syndrome sometimes, I think. In actuality, life is rolling along like a bicycle wheel going forward and also coming back around to the same place over and over...

Tomorrow is a very big day. As was prophesied in the pages of my journals, I'd yearned for our family to all be home together then, working and living under one shelter. Yet with the past year being the toughest ever on my fourteen-year marriage, I believed that I'd be releasing the sacred contract on the Winter Solstice just past. I'd known for some time that a very old something needed to be let go of. But Superdad and I made an entirely different decision, on the turn of a dime. We resolved to bring him home from his day job and put our family firmly together, rather than stretching it apart. The old way is the model that most of our parents showed us, which reminds me of the post-war television show Mad Men: that Dad is away from home about fifty hours a week, missing out on being a parent for most of the babes' waking hours and too tired to nurture his own creative dreams while turning someone else's crank. This family/work/life model has never worked for us, and it's caused us much grief to be out of alignment for this long.

That crafty vixen of change has shifted directions again, making her way out of my dreams and into Ordinary Reality, as my own multi-faceted processes have integrated into one, so she has come forth to appear right here for the whole, in real time. I share this somewhat vulnerably, as there is plenty of risk at hand. Though I must say, that nothing is worth more than taking it. Deeeep breath.

Another page is turning in this story- as my partner will arrive home tomorrow evening after the last day of a twenty-two year career in industrial design, to champagne and children full of anticipation-a piece of emotional parchment that I have held close to my chest (like aces).

It seems we'll be pioneering a new model from scratch (like cream biscuits).

***

Fox is graceful change. She begins her process by opening up to new patterns she may not have considered before. Fox changes herself to bring about a desired situation, not unlike shapeshifting. She may use camouflage or invisibility to burrow under and blend in if necessary, in order to find out how she fits in. She listens carefully, creates comfort all around her, and tunes into her instincts. Her keen perception serves her well when the time comes to make a decision. Fox cozies up and protects herself before she trots off into her new adventure- expecting the unexpected, and willing to be guided.

Fire Mama Sistah

photo Brandon Campbell.

She's graceful, fierce, a huntress and protector. She doesn't take any shit.

Fear of Bees

A few weeks ago we took Miles to visit a little school in our new town of Ojai called Grounded By Nature. If you're familiar with Jon Young's Coyote's Guide to Connecting to Nature, or Tom Brown Jr., then you'll have a rough idea of where we want to go with our children's education. As soon as we arrived, I fell in love. It's set way back on an 8-acre property, complete with organic farm and a yurt for doing lessons in. The director was charismatic and sweet, as were her two sun-kissed children. For the first ten minutes, it was heaven.

Then, by the little solar-pump pond, Miles was stung by a Bee, and fell into my arms in a heap of sorrow for the remainder of our hour there. I didn't get most of my questions answered and felt helpless in the moment to do anything but try to transform his experience. To be clear, what I mean by that is that I wanted to control it. I really wanted him to move through it so that I could rest assured that this would be the right place for him. The director's daughter harvested yarrow for me to chew up and blob onto his wound. Her son came forth with an offering of clay to draw out the poison, and his story of how he, too, had been brought to his knees by a sting the week prior. Nothing would console my boy. And my gut was doing flips over it.

We left, making apologetic faces and receiving their full sympathy, with a promise to return on parent meeting day to hand in our paperwork and prepare for the school season. In the interim, I researched educational programs, surrendered my ego around conventional academics, agreed with his Dad to continue homeschooling for now, to supplement the loose, playful, exploratory, outdooring, experiential curriculum, and decided that this is what we wanted for him-that it seemed a good match for what his values are and also his love of the natural world.

Two days before meeting day, M came down with the chickenpox. Sign, or obstacle to overcome? My feverish analytics kicked in full force. Having passed on this vaccination and nearly all others, I was glad to see it arrive, as it offered insurance that he'd move through it at an age considered safe on the immune system and one hundred percent immunity from the virus in the future (as opposed to the 80-85% the vac provides, or so I've read). But it meant that he woudn't be able to come to the meeting with me, and wouldn't be able to attend the rapidly approaching first day of school until......"the last scab falls off".

Enter second stage control issues. He won't get to start with his classmates. What if he doesn't feel part of the group as everyone else does? WHAT IF HE FEELS LIKE AN OUTSIDER? What if, what if, what if?

Fear. Overreaction.

It gets better. I'd sent an email to the director the day the blisters appeared, to let her know that I'd be coming alone and that Miles indeed had the pox and were there any policies about contagiousness I should consider before driving two and a half hours to sit in on the meeting. She didn't get it, and so I phoned about twenty minutes out of town to check in and her response was that Oh, shoot, hmmm, dang, I should probably just drop off my paperwork and check, so that everyone else wouldn't have to worry about the satellite possibility of it creeping toward them. I caught her off-guard and then screwed myself. I agreed.

Heightened anxiety and confusion set in.

In that moment, I no longer knew what I needed, I sacrificed my needs to take care of others, I couldn't determine and ask for another solution-such as sitting way out on the sidelines or hanging around town to talk to her afterwards. When I walked away from the sweet circle of parents and children, having humbly slipped my papers under a grinding stone rock, I felt it hit me. I felt sad, angry, powerless. I sat in tears on the dirt road in a line of empty cars losing my shit.

My children had been in my mother's care back in the valley since six-thirty a.m. at a time when I really felt I should be with them. It was a truly frustrating experience and I couldn't let go. I gripped my big feelings like the inside of a boxing glove: I couldn't trust that we'd made the right decision without receiving their presentation. I couldn't trust that he would feel safe among the other children and families without observing them a little bit. It was all about me, and far less about Miles. Kids trust in the best of ways. Why can't I?

All I could do was shuffle to the local coffee roasters joint (because espresso and anxiety go so well together, right?) and sit in the park with a bagel. I came to a pivotal place, where my own trigger-happy immune inhibitors implored me to turn it around. That this was just Another Lesson in Letting Go. That was it-this is what I do. I talk about living in Trust and here I was sitting in it's rival: Fear. I had to make a choice.

My baby turns six tomorrow and I heard clearly as I walked back toward my car, texting a friend from my infant stage of clarity, that I am being asked to (crocodile tears as I write) let him go off into this new realm- to learn to ask for help from others, to find his way, to shine his light, to fail, and to succeed. The chickenpox cleanse, and a new school in a new town is a rite of passage for him. Yet I've failed to see, until now, that it's a rite of passage for me, too.

I got in my car and drove home to my babes. Later that day, the director was extremely apologetic about not helping me determine what it was I needed that day, and she dazzled me with her expert resolution skills- a bit of hand-holding thrown in. But I don't know that I even needed it. I have everything I need to begin, and my healing and transformation has always, and will always, require me to release my fear and take risks.

Coming back to Trust, always feels like coming Home.

Oh, and Bee? That little busy gal simply teaches us all about how to be part of a real community- working together, as a group.

I'm ready now. In order for my pup to grow strong, build immunity, find his community, and come to peace with her medicine, I've got to release my grasp on the only way I've ever known him.

 

Had I been looking, I coulda seen it comin' from a mile away.

 

Squam Snapshot

I'm home...ahhhhh. And determined to try my very dangdest to allow this one to be *gentle*.

There'll be PLENTY more to say about what was the most transformative SAW of all for me-as the week goes on, I'll spill over out of my cup some of what filled me up about this magical gathering. Plentiful art, heartful breakthroughs, new language, dancing on the frontiers of ideas...I'm full. Full up. Pardon my fragmented run-ons, as it all swirls.

If you attended Squam this Fall, and need to know how to access the SAW Animal Totem Workshop, email me! I'll get you all set up.

Here are a few gushy teasers I can't hold back, however, and must be paraded through town now. I'm going to shamelessly name drop, because Squam is so about a whole bunch of awesome people in one beautiful wood, and the interconnectedness of ALL of us.

Having happy birthday sung to me by over a hundred hot artists as I walked up to the Longhouse for group photo.

Speedboating out to Rattlesnake Island with Maya Hackett of urbanorganica, my comrade in shedding of old skins and massive *whoa mama* rebirth.

The staff are the very best and most helpful people in the world. I want to bring them all home with me because I fear I may never see some of them again.

Lying on the docks and jumping in the frigid lake with Flora Bowley. I had no idea I was going to fall so deeply in love with this woman. She altered my cellular makeup.

Learning so much about The Care and Keeping of Artists from my roommate extraordinaire, Jen Lee. I need to tattoo the entire content of the book up and down my arms.

Not cooking or cleaning. I never take that one for granted for a minute.

Laughing my ASS off with my second-time roommate, Maya Donenfeld. If I told you about our shenanigans, I'd have to kill you. She's wild under that burlap exterior, in the most honest and funny way. Plus, she's one of the most nurturing and caring women I've ever had the pleasure of being separated from at birth.

The fires. Something about the woodfires and the lake ice in the old iceboxes makes me feel like I'm at camp in the twenties. Everything my eye sees is picture-perfect and timeless.

Eating, dancing, conversing and simply being near Misty Mawn. It's like being in the company of an angel. She's an archetype all her own.

The Fox that ran through the wood right next to the building I taught in. It had a wee critter in it's mouth and was on a serious mission to dine. I wanted to grab my camera, but it was one of those moments that I would have missed had I tried to immortalize it. She was grey and beautiful and gave me much food* for thought for the remainder of the weekend. Partly because of this.

Generosity! I received so many unexpected surprises, some birthday related and some not.  I love the cycle of giving and receiving. It feels so good to send abundance around the circle, doesn't it?

I'm going to have to talk about my students later. Because they are a blessing that need their very own post. The women. The women!! I'm always blown completely away by what takes place in these workshops. Metamorphosis. Honoring. Rites of passage. Stepping out of fear and into power. I LIVE for this.

Elke said:  "I wanted to thank you again for the amazing experience of being in your presence, under your guidance and in your support.  You are such a grounded, wise, and inspiring woman.  And an excellent teacher to boot!!  You glide between inspiring us, to challenging us, to supporting us, to kicking us in the pants!  It was perfect".

So much to share. Such very big movement and gentle waves to ride it on. 

Sacred Geometry and Wasp Medicine

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

When I was stung three times by an angry wasp last Tuesday, it kind of slowed me down. Wasps paralyze their unfortunate victims with their venom, giving them enough time to feed said prey to their larvae. So basically, my hand and half my arm went numb for about twenty minutes because she got me first and worst on the artery right inside my wrist. I was reduced to whining and soliciting my mommy for remedies, because apparently it numbed my ability to use reason and heal myself, as well. Eventually, I chewed up some Yarrow and rubbed it around on there. I lacked a cheekful of powdered snuff, which my granny would dip into when I suffered bee stings as a kid.

All week, my forearm has looked like Popeye's, swollen and with an enormous and unshrinking patch of red, with a nice little black hole in it as a reminder of the medicine that stays long after animals attack. In journeywork, when animals appear three times, we're to really take note and go within to see just what the urgent message is.

What I found is that Dolichovespula, the bugger that got me, nests in shrubs and trees, while Vespidae make the papery honeycombs that began to grow under the eaves of our house, unnoticeably at first, until we were under siege by all sorts of angry, flying intruders.

Both species are social Wasps. Unlike Ants, they seem far less community activists than Defenders of the Holy Queen. However, the Queen is not simply an ovipositor hanging around mating while others protect her precious cause. It is she who builds the first several tiers of the nest, laying eggs and fertilizing them with a dormant ball of sperm from last season and making a home for herself, which will later be continued by the colony of up to hundreds of sterile females. The colony strives for genetic variation and literally builds a complex society, where other queens will be born and go on to fight for dominance.

Several things are bothering me about this medicine and I can't figure out yet how to wear it gracefully. Perhaps by the end of this entry I'll have some perspective. The shadow side of Wasp medicine is that these bitches are really aggressive, and that irritates me as a woman. We are all equals. I dig community. I feel anxious about the term "society". It implies class, caste, strata and governship: things I don't like to think about, preferring to absorb in my little villages of self-sustaining locavore renegades.

I have really come to see Ants in a new light since this Wasp incident, and up til then, I could easily be persuaded to unleash some holy war on them because they often invite themselves in and make a mockery of the dogfood dish and bite my unsuspecting babies, too. I love finding them making a line to my trashcan. Still, they seem just a little bit more...polite. Perhaps they're no more kind than Wasps, but they don't seem to seek my flesh out on purpose like Wasp did. Granted, I was spraying water on the shrub her nest was in...

Sacred Geometry Painting, by Agustin.

I love the way Agustin's painting (he's the partner of lovely Amy of Daughter of the Sun) demonstrates how nature's universal architecture expands out to the edges and far beyond our ability to imagine what lies outside our field of vision-how the points converge and shoot out rays into the cosmos. We can assume that what we create today will be amplified tomorrow, just like Wasp's nest. That the structures we build now could generate more energy for the future to thrive upon.

The question I keep returning to is What am I building? What am I building? Consider that what an individual builds in this lifetime impacts the Earth and her people for a hundred years and then some, beyond what we can dream up by far. Since it's Labor Day weekend, it seems fitting to celebrate what we're all working so hard for. Does the work we do have the potential to make the differences we want to witness?

Where do we want to see the Earth in a hundred years? How do we adjust for that? Some of us will have grandchildren living then-what do we envision for them? What little steps can I take today to create the warmth, connection, community, and reverence that I wish to see in the world around me now and later?

What are we building?

Alignment

Yesterday I did some journalling to clear my head about some things-about where I want to go, about SouLodge, about all of the work that I seem to be immersed in...always. I love to work, and sometimes it's an obsession that becomes an obstacle to the higher purpose of my short life. As soon as I became clear about what it is I really want to do, you know, with my life (!) two plants, a stone and an animal came to me. I wrote them in block letters on my journal page and my mission became even more clear.

I always find it rather humorous to discover this need to realign myself. It's kind of like cleaning the dryer lint out of the tray: things/thoughts/ideas just get all clouded together and I find myself walking in circles, but not circulating meaningfully.

I bound the medicine of what it is I'm living up to in a bundle pouch, making something just for me-which is something I haven't done in years. All of this bundling for others, and none had really encompassed all that I wanted to affirm. I think this is why I'm enjoying teaching medicine-making in the Lodge so much. Only *we know* what we need the most, how to bring it all together, not leaving out important parts, when it comes to the overall vision. It's felt so right to teach women how to do this for themselves. Just a few tools and a bit of inspiration, and women are lighting up and recognizing exactly what they need! Community is so beautiful this way. Making the way back to our roots seems so easy when we realize that we're not alone...

For my personal medicine, I chose Yarrow because Matthew Wood called it "natures band-aid" and it's stuck with me ever since. I've experienced this sister as one who is like a balm on fears and ouchies and because reverence for the Earth is high on my list, I felt she needed to be in there. I'm feeling once again, overwhelmed by the amount of waste that goes out of just my home and so I'm renewing my commitment to reduce that dramatically. I've been buying used as much as possible for a long time and it's food packaging that really bums me out. So, YARROW. To keep me conscious about this beautiful place that nourishes us from birth and takes us back at the end of our lives so graciously.

I chose Coyote, which is no major surprise, but when I took inventory of my values, I saw how important this tricky one is. Bringing so much laughter and humor to my life lessons, I've become utterly dependent on the ultimate survivalist who travels fearlessly everywhere, adapting like no other. Coyote connects us all with her warm magic, her foibles, her humility. She parades her right to life in and around the hills, on the shores, and right on the city streets. I truly don't know where I'd be without this companion by my side.

Rose quartz is in there, because the deeper I get into the bones of myself I realize that love is the only thing that matters, and noticing every day that we are more ONE than we are not, this was an easy choice. Healing the world, one heart at a time.

Tobacco is there for gratitude and an offering to Spirit for making this life possible and awakened.

And Butterfly Bush literally called me from across the yard for Beauty and the sweet aroma of existence. Abundantly, she grows and feeds butterflies, skippers, bees, and hummingbirds, expanding her reaches over my neighbors fence and beautifying even his junk pile. She attracts the best- her beautiful equals in the quest for nectar- and I know my life has this blessing on it, too.

I added a couple of other things which I'm keeping secret because superstitious rumor has it that one is not supposed to reveal everything in one's magic satchel. It seems in keeping with the feminine to carry a bit of mystery with us at all times.

The beautiful bundle pouch was made by my sacred sister, Lauren, who creates medicine bags and all kinds of delicious goodies, while nursing her month old baby boy and unschooling her bright light of a daughter. Her store is a bit less abundant than usual, because I am taking many of her medicine items to Squam with me in two weeks to share them on vendor night. I had to have first pick and chose the above pictured pouch to put all of my items into. She inspires me to walk with more reverence, always.

Blessings to you as you find your way, dear sisters.

Fox Dreams: Regenerating Our Sacred Tails

Soulfooting, 2010.

I had a dream last night that I want to share. It's one of those dreams that just blasts with rays of incoming light and Truth. Don't you love those dreams? When you wake up and have it all figured out? *wink*

~~~

Miles' birthday party was taking place in my home, and I'd been told by my partner that he'd invited a gentleman from work to come and bring along his family.

My house was flooded with unexpected people, but most notably, the affluent man, who brought many, MANY daughters. All were playing with their children on swingsets and with toys, filling up every corner of my house and garden. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that they all looked rather ill and had whiteheads on their faces. Their eyes were, in many cases, almost swollen shut. They were all sisters, and they all bore a very similar resemblance, they even seemed to all be about the same age.

Down the garden path, happily putting some distance between myself and my numerous odd guests, I saw a red Fox pop up near a bright green tree, standing out in my visual field on the dismal landscape.

She came near me and I saw that her tail had been removed. It was ragged, stubbed and brushy, having been removed in a haste, perhaps. More and more distressed foxes of all colors, some wearing dog collars, came around wanting to follow me out the gate to escape their captor, the gentleman with all of the daughters. I was very unsure of what I was seeing, and it took me some time to come up with a plan. I whispered to them that their tails WOULD grow back, but I would have to come secretly and let them free so that they could get a good lead on him, as he would be coming for them. They seemed so disparaged in their hopes, not unlike shelter dogs, but I provided something for them to cling to. I closed the gate knowing that I would be back after dark.

~~~

If you've ever had the pleasure of seeing a Fox or it's tail, you know that it is her shining glory. It is FAT, FLUFFY and by far, one of the most beautiful and cozy tails in the animal kingdom. She uses it to curl up into, and keep warm, to navigate with like a rudder, to strut her stuff. Her tail activates instinct, kundalini, sensuality, self-sanctuary, mystique, camouflage.

Under the light of the moon, it is time to slip our collars and regrow our tails. The inner dictator, passed down through all of the various outdated systems, is dying. His daughters cannot see, and the last organ in line to detox, the skin, has begun to show it's repressed anger and irritation. The promise of my dream is one of regeneration. These feminine tails are growing back into their lively, fluffy, cozy guidance.

The SouLodge Summer Session began today. It has been an amazing day of transparency, of sharing fear, a willingness to release obstacles blocking the instinctual path, and of great emotional intelligence. My hope is that it is a place where we can continue to grow back our heavenly tails.

If you are currently in the process of regenerating your own beautiful extremities, which connects you to the vitality that soulful undomestication provides, please tell me more. My dream is to see collars on the streetcorners and tails up proud, headed for the forest.

And so I say confidently: I am a Woman. Let me do what I do.

Yip! Yip!

Naked In the Rain

It's a far cry from raining here in the desert-like belt of the Central Valley, but my spirit feels like it's dancing in the rain. The SouLodge is growing into a robust community of truly kindred individuals and we're weeks from beginning. Creating something that comes from a place so ready and fertile is the best feeling in the world.

I received some Rabbit medicine on the porch last night, (Bunny Killer just left me a fluff of cottontail) about thirty minutes before I read this blog post on Possibility. Stacy wrote about stepping into possibility rather than stepping out of one's comfort zone. Think of Rabbit and how much risk she takes- she is the ultimate vulnerable creature. Yet, she is so prolific: creativity is the key to her survival. She steps out into possibility, because hanging out in her protective warren would never allow her to create the way that she needs to in order to thrive.

When I read Stacy's post, I immediately thought of all that I've created, and of how easy it is to step into possibility, rather than out of a comfort zone, and I felt the truth of that vibrate in my bones.

Everything I need to know, I learn from the creatures and the Earth. And good friends, too.

Where's Alice? By Donna McKenzie

Get naked. Dance in the rain with fertile Rabbit and she will teach you magical things, indeed. Come sit in the Lodge and share the wisdom that comes from those wild, healing, ancient, transformational experiences.

SouLodge Virtual Retreat is Live!

I'm so excited to announce the details of this online class! I'm over the moon to deepen my work with myself, with my community, and to midwife you through your explorations of the parts of yourself that want to come forward with courage and wildness.

is up HERE.

I want to invite you to step into the forest, into a safe lodge where you can experience a rite of passage, an honoring of the feminine process, a place where the Four-Leggeds and Winged Ones, the Plant People, and Stone People, are waiting to greet you and help you walk through to the next level of intuitive self-care.

Thank you to all who have encouraged me to do this, for asking for the teachings, and for opening your hearts to the deeper work. I am in pure gratitude for all of you.

 

VLOG Sacred Tools: Working with Crystals

At long last, and thank you for your patience! Now that I have the kinks worked out, we can start talking e-course. Yipppeeeee! Awrooooooooooooooooooo!

 

 

The crystals featured in the video are a selenite wand, a chunk of raw rose quartz, and an amethyst formation from inside of a geode.

The Owl wing is from a Barn Owl, which I use in intuitive work because of Owl's ability to cross easily from one realm to the other, and because she brings magic and femininity to all that she touches.

I read from Sandra Ingerman's book, Medicine From the Earth.

 

Thank you all again for your love, patience, and curiosity for the Earth and her magical ways. Bless...

 

Journey With Me

Thank you all so very much for your comments and enthusiasm about circling together virtually. I've given it much thought over the weekend and I think I have a plan. The few bits that were confounding me seem to have resolved themselves. So stay tuned for the launch of something very special, and please keep the feedback coming about what it is you need and want to experience. It goes without saying that video and audio will be a big part of what I have to offer, and I'm testing some other media to see what will work best to create ways to connect. I'm still doing a little bit of troubleshooting, but I'm very excited about doing what I do in a more expanded way and with many of you that I would like to witness more closely.

Something very special is shifting, and I find the evidence every place I turn, including the conversations I'm having with women in my face-to-face and phone tribes. There is a freedom and a soft-focusing occurring, a lifting and a deeper level of trust coming. There is a fortifying of ego strengths, a surrendering to the feminine process, and a great power radiating from that place. I can't wait to gather you and discuss with you how to connect more deeply with yourselves, how to retrieve the information you are seeking, how to build your inventory of tools, your wise furry/feathered/scaled inner council, and of course, how to trust your intuitive guidance.

Thank you for the opportunity to serve-it's my blessing to do this work with each and every one of you!

Awrooooooooo!

 

 

 

Council

Desktop helpers.

Summer finds me less at my computer, outside more. Less at the stove, more at the fruit stand. Less in my mind, more in my heart, my feet. This is the first week since coming home from Squam that I feel grounded. Teaching brings me such a high that I found myself floating and unable to let go of my experiences there and come seamlessly back to work here.

I asked myself before I came to writing a) what it is that I am processing, and b) who is helping me. If I know what I need, then I can ask for what I want, right?

It has been a very long time that I have felt like I do my inner work alone, probably ever since I took my first journey and aligned with my first totem animal, who would lead me into the Under World to sift among the messages my unconscious landscape had to show me. My first totem was Spider, black widow, to be exact. And she spun her silky thread around my wrist and took me through a portal that I recognized as a place I played at as a child, a grassy hill full of squirrel holes and treasures such as the first owl pellet I would pick apart and find tiny mouse bones and bits of fluff in.

The creatures have always been here for me, teaching me, guiding me, sharing their secrets of the natural world, blessing me with a quick glance at them as they cross the road in front of me, calling me inward to lead me to the places I needed to go to find peace. So, perhaps they've been helping me since long before that first journey in.

One thing that we are all connected by is that we live on Earth, here with her creatures-communing and sharing space in a way that we can all relate, regardless of where we come from, or what our spiritual beliefs are. Some animals ground us on the planet, while others take us up into the Upper World to seek messages from the heavens and energies outside of us. They have so much to show and teach us, simply by how they have adapted, survived and thrive here.

What I want to share of myself most is this process I have come to love, trust, and also hardwire within me. I have yet to suss out all of the details of an effective way to do this in my virtual community, but I'm working steadily on it. The effect of sitting in a circle in person is difficult to re-create online. I want to connect with my circle's processes, in the way that I have when I've worked on custom medicine bundles and artwork, to bring the healing and the words in a way that shares tools, points you toward your own unique tools and totems, to assign creative projects in which you use your intuition to guide you (as I do in my workshops), and give you the support you need to discover the insights you seek, to share rituals, ceremony, and ways to care for your tools.

I want to get an idea about the interest in this, as I go about discovering the best way to create the circle. Will you share with me if you'd like to do something such as this? To answer my first questions, this is what I'm processing, and it is your help I need to get to where I'm going.

Animales

I looove theee animals. This is a snap of Rango and I, he being a very special dog who arrived with his family at a time when his sister, Dango, was old and not feeling very well. Rango fell in love with Dango and he helped his mama and daddy transition into life without her. He spins in circles when he gets excited and perks up for the camera when he's asked if he wants to go for a ride. I'm always happy to see him dancing about and bringing happiness to his family. Animals seem to come to us when we need them most, though the reasons for their appearances may only become clear later.

I've been loaded up in the last few weeks with animal dreams. A couple of nights ago it was Kestrel who came down hard on the windshield of my car, one wing spread and looked me in the eye very intensely. He came flapping at me again a short time later, just after Great Horned Owl flew in front of my frame of vision. Both of these birds are the most widely distributed here in the states, not anywhere near endangered, they thrive even in unlikely environs. A pair of Kestrels have nested in a big pipe gate across the street since before we built our home here. They sit, one at a time, far up on the highest pipe or on a wire, watchfully. I believe that like them, I am broadening my vision, and unlike sitting sheltered on a branch under the cover of leaves, I need to be able to see clearly and distantly. They are a small, fierce falcon with many abilities, a beautiful metallic song, they hunt both night and day as they require it, and are quite adaptable. I will need the medicine of Kestrel as my days change shape and my family makes the transition to Ojai (which means "moon", by the way).

I was given a Kestrel feather in 2001, during a trip to Oklahoma to visit family. I've held onto it and marvelled at it's beautiful markings, tucking it up front in bouquets of feathers in skinny pots and laying it on altars.

In the weeks leading up to this one, I'd slowed my work with the creatures. And now they're visiting my dreams each night to remind me that they are my council, that nature and the ancestors are my guides in all matters.

Now is a really good time to tell you that I'm teaching a 2 day Totems and Guides in Mixed-Media workshop in Malibu on October 8th & 9th. During our intimate gathering, we'll be overlooking the Pacific Ocean, taking journeys by drumbeat to find the totems that want to work with us, and working in Gina Armfield's beautiful clubhouse. I hope to see you soon.

Rawrrrrr and awrooo!

Wilderness Home Companion

Tonight I'm sitting up in bed and setting out to do some writing on a project that is very dear to my heart and a long time comin'. I washed my feet and pampered them with lavender sugar scrub (jarred up by a writerly friend) to ground myself. I smudged with white sage. I gathered my companions, an old journal, a new one, and a notebook from a most inspiring friend. I called out for Hawk, who has shown up to guide me through this process- taking a necessary dose of my own medicine. I brushed my teeth and put in earplugs. I kissed my babies goodnight and now here I am...

In the silence with my heartbeat. Facing the blank canvas. Soft paws ready to do some trekking into unknown territory. I'm beyond feeling trepidation about these sorts of things. My concerns tonight are with the distillation process, will I have access to the place of intuitive wisdom? I've enjoyed helping others to access it for themselves, as I experienced at SAW, but now it's my turn to head down into the hazy, sparkling goldmines. I'm excited.

Light a candle for me down there if you're walking this extraordinary path, too. I'll do the same for you.

Squam Part 3: BeaRaccoon

I'm still transforming and integrating back into home, as a friend put it, I've just walked  over a threshold into a very vital place and it's taking me some time to reassemble my home life/roles in a new way. Not unlike those dismemberment journeys I'm so fond of! I love the very concept of retreating in order to step through another door, to have that last little experience that issues permission to cross into the next adventure. So for now, I can only offer some personal anecdotes of what it was like on my end as I catch up with what's downloaded.

I wasn't planning on making a mask of my own when I packed my supplies for one of the classes I taught at SAW last week, Muse As Mask. I figured I'd be busy helping everyone with their masks. Made sense.

However, as the circle began I discovered that what I was asking each of my beautiful students to do was to deeply trust her self-guidance, even the bits that felt like mistakes on the piece. To check out of her left-brain analytics and quietly peruse with her intuition leading the way. And so it turned out that I sang them a Native American song and pretty much was no longer needed. *grin*

I cut my mask out of heavy blue cotton duck and then promptly sewed a piece of bright yellow felt over it. My third chakra spoke right up and I felt that I was working with the energies of my power center. Certainly just teaching this group was a test of how I could do what I set out to, and so I felt a Bear coming into being as I stitched, glued and assembled unconsciously alongside these women. I've painted, written and talked about Bear a number of times here-and she felt like a strong, natural guide for me to sidle up to and also embody. She is brave, sure of herself, plods along at an easy pace, and also very protective. I became aware of how protective I felt of my students and of the space we were working in.

Then I pulled a lamp over on myself, burned my hand at the fireplace and tripped over a cord.

My mask started to take on another face- still an ominivorous, curious creature with a penchant for scavenging through discarded treasures, but one who is known for...his mask. Was it Faulkner who said something akin to having to read what he's written about something in order to know what he thinks of it?

In this application, Raccoon uses the positive aspects of his Mask to become something he is not, or is not yet. He knows when to share information with others and when to hold it close. His mystery becomes magic when used thoughtfully and with good intentions. A little Merlin, he is an expert at disguise and secrecy. Raccoon is a powerful animal when change is sought. He can thrive in any environment, making his dreams attainable if he will but name and pursue them. Working under the cover of night, the nocturnal wizard finds tools for transformation in unexpected places. Shamanic journey, active imagination and work with the dreamtime can produce magical results when practiced diligently, and with care and reverence for the medicine. Raccoon's tricky nature can commit to this work, by making personal growth a fun and thrilling puzzle to be solved. As his dexterous fingers pick the locks of the soul's desires, wisdom and booty are uncovered with glee. At his best, Raccoon does not hide who he really is. Rather, he sets himself up for success, and follows through without revealing his methods unless it serves him. Raccoon people can avoid becoming overly secretive, isolated and surly in old age by being social and having fun with their friends. Deep change is inspired by what Raccoon discovers when he is out of his comfort zone, exploring and seeking treasure.

It would seem as though a tricky messenger wanted to let me know that just because I was teaching, I did not have to be perfect. In fact, I try so very hard not to try to be perfect, I felt comfortable in the discomfort of my bumblings (!) and actually, was able to become a bit more dextrous just by doing *what I do*. Silly me for thinking even for a minute that I needed to show up as anything other than a student of life myself. Together with my students, Raccoon and Bear reminded me that I can be in my power and show up as a strong guide and explorer just as I am. I am already outfitted for this job. This is the beauty of wearing our Muse, our inspirations, on our shirtsleeves.

In a nutshell, we can let ourselves off the hook. Once and for all.

Whale Medicine

Did I mention that when I go to Squam next week, I get to room with Maya? I'm um....SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS. Er, I've had a girl crush on her for a couple of years (she and her barn) and so this is kind of like a dream come true for me. I'm taking wine and Fearless Chocolate because our cabin (which is called Shelter, by the way) is going to exude fearlessness. And because I want to impress her with my knowledge of such things.

I've been thinking a lot about my own creative offerings here lately. It's important to me that I try as hard as I can to keep my work as original as possible. It means I have to glance into a reference book when I'm making a medicine bundle, but that I slam it shut after a few minutes so that I can try to create something that is really about my experience in communication with these elements and not about what has already been written about them. It can be very tough, especially if I'm worn out and busy-headed. My creative process is something I intend to sit down to with sacredness in mind-I want to honor the time and the process and not regurgitate what the experts already know best.

Today Ivy jabbed a bobby pin in her ear about twenty minutes after I sat down, stones and herbs in hand, and so I basically threw everything into the air and ran to beat her Dad into the bathroom. This is only one of the kind of distractions I face many times per day. Every mama I know has the same story, so, no pity please.

My question is how do we keep our visions and projects really authentic?

I was working on a Whale bundle tonight and I read in Animal Speak that “Creativity for creativity's sake is not what Whale teaches. It awakens great depths of inspiration...”

Right away what struck me is that I don't do very much playing/playing around when I sit down to get creative. I like to make a mess, but I'm very focused, even when I paint. If I'm not in somewhat of a trance state, I don't feel like I'm pulling up those reserves, which are so full of ancient information and archetypal goodness. Yet, it's very easy with an ocean of distractions surrounding me to get stuck and sit here creatively constipated and stalling, while I try to get back on track.

When I'm witching it up in the kitchen, it's a whole different ballgame. I can chew up a spiky root and spit it into a glass of vodka like a Yankee pitcher- it's intensely fun and I can integrate play with it. But there is something about painting and making bundles that makes me all serious-like. I think my chin scrunches up even. I can't multitask very well during those times.

I don't have a spelled-out answer for how to keep your work truly authentic, serving your deepest human intent. I don't know if I could ever name that intuitive process that you likely have felt, too, the ones where you feel your soul infusing the piece of art, music, food, etc. These often become our "favorite" pieces, right?

Nevermind that I'm going to teach this very thing at Squam next week. How to tap the intuition, how to get to the bottom of the ocean where the Oracle Muse lives to share her stories with you so you can bring them to life. I trust that as a class, we will find our wild way together... and alone.

Whale is about going deeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I can hear her sounds bouncing off of the ocean floor as she communicates those sacred messages up. I hope you enjoy her- I felt really honored to be working with her. She is so lovingly intolerant of fear and stuckness! Flowing big and bold with the currents...

WHALE: Stepping Into Vibrant Potential

This bundle is about allowing your true colors to come forth and be expressed. It promotes vitality, longevity, and fruition of creative vision. It is about tuning into YOUR authentic offerings that are unique to YOU, and trusting that deepest voice that speaks only truth. It is about discovering the courage to share that song with the world.

Colorful Bornite is an iridescent mineral that captivates attention with it's reflective magentas and chromatic blues. Stone expert Melody says, “This mineral can bring freshness and newness to one's life. It stimulates the inner spirit to seek further heights and substantiates ones ability to enjoy happiness in the moment". It is a very positive and supportive stone which is experienced energetically as a loop that circles around transforming negativity into what she calls “pure beneficial energy”. When I read this, I immediately thought of the sonic waves whales send out, and how that mimicks the ripple effect we experience traveling outward when we're doing the work that serves our divine human intent. This stone speaks of heart and harmony, which is akin to the contract we make when we commit to our creativity and the soul-nourishment it provides. It is also known to stimulate adrenaline, which is a rush often felt when on the right path. Bornite provides energy to move towards vitality in life.

Kelp is included for it's protective qualities on the immune system and it's ancient healing properties. Kelp contains iodine, necessary to good health, but often forgotten from the diet. Kelp feeds many species of undersea and seaside communities, providing essential nutrients to the body and protection from free radicals, including those caused by nuclear radiation. When our creativity is under attack from the doing and thinking-too-much mentality so common in patriarchal societies, it is not unlike fallout. Reaching our full potential can feel impossible. Kelp is a swaying reminder, deep in the waters of the Earth's womb that growth is not only possible, it can also be all the nourishment we need.

Pansy is here to bring cheerfulness, love and beauty to the magic of this bundle. It is commonly associated with “loving thoughts”, required when embracing the potential that lies ahead. It is ever important not to turn on the Self when discouraged, and Pansy is here as a heartsease, (one of it's common botanical names), to offer comfort and protection when facing obstacles. Pansies re-seed themselves, thus they are prolific. They seldom have problems with disease and insects, which tells us that they are hardy and tolerant, despite their delicate appearances. Beautiful Pansy is used medicinally to treat afflictions of the skin, and as soon as I read this I thought about how sometimes we're “itching” to share ourselves and feel fully expressed, yet we lack the trust in our own voice to speak it out and take those risks. Pansy is also used to induce labor, which, when used as a tonic, strengthens those notions already within us.

Whale is the Mother within the Great Mother. She is a magnificent and feminine songstress of the sea, using her ultimate gift of sensitivity to sound to communicate and “sing” to, and with, her tribal pod. She does not hold back, breaching out of the water and showing her shiny skin to the Sun, rejoicing in the vibrancy of life by sharing that which she has discovered down in the deep blue. Whale does not re-enact what others are doing. She is brave in tapping her own vast intuitive resources for inspiration. Whale is a creature of great depth, reflecting that we each have the power to swim down into the unconscious for strength and life-enriching nutrients that are seasoned with what is most true for the individual. She teaches us how to TRUST our own voice and not look to others for too much direction. Whales communicate with sonar, and can perceive themselves and those around them authentically and without projection. Whale does not get caught up in that which does not serve her deepest intent. She has perfected the art of knowing what her gifts are and is unafraid to breathe them up into life for the Earth and Sky to receive.

 

Packing for Squam & SALE

I've spent the vast part of this weekend packing boxes and trying to get organized to teach at Squam Art Workshops next week. It's hard not to be really excited-I haven't been in those woods since Fall of 2009...those magical woods of birch, white pine and maple. And I've never been in June! A completely different season to explore the Northeast awaits.

I'm teaching a mask-making class the first two days, and then on Saturday, I'm leading a half day workshop in beginning journeywork and aligning with animal totems in Medicine Shawl. What excites me about this is that some of my close and trusted allies get to come with me.

Coyote is always by my side in some form or another, and since I'm having to travel as light as possible, I'm bringing a bag that was gifted to me by my dad years ago at a powwow. Leaving my medicine behind seldom happens anymore. I find a way to justify bringing a myriad of *help* wherever I travel. In a very large box, on top of all of my classroom supplies, sits a few of my favorite things, ready for their journey cross-country.

I'm celebrating being packed and ready to go a week ahead of time by having a sale in my shop! Use coupon code 15COYOTE at the Etsy checkout to receive 15% off of your total order.

This coupon applies to everything in my store, including the Deck of 30 Postcards that keeps blowing out. I've just listed some more, thank you so much for insisting I do this-it really does feel nice to see them packaged this way. As I was assembling sets of them to take to Squam, it occured to me that if you use them as a divining deck, there is plenty of room to make notes on the backs of them, and add to their meanings as you integrate them into YOUR intuitive process.

Photo by color-wild Aimee of Artsyville. Find her in this amazing new book!

Art for Alabama

Jamie Ewald and Jamie Mitchell have created Art for Alabama, an online Facebook auction which runs from today until next Saturday, May 28th. If you do not have a Facebook account, but would like to bid, I would be happy to bid on your behalf.

The mission statement for AfA reads, Art for Alabama is a non profit auction page set up to benefit those Alabamians affected by the tornadoes on Arpil 27, 2011. All proceeds will be donated to the Alabama Red Cross Disaster Relief for Countless Crises.

I first met Jamie Ewald at Squam Art Workshops in 2009, when she was in the very beginning stages of growing her beautiful family. We talked a bit about babes and art, combining the two, as I carried my six-month-old Ivy around for most of the retreat. I hoped our paths would cross again.

The tornadoes that blew mercilessly through the South last month destroyed hundreds of lives and homes.The spirit of hope and rebuilding from the ground up is nothing less than awe-inspiring. Like many natural disasters that have occured in the last two years, I felt called to help somehow, but hadn't yet discovered how.

When I read Jamie's request for art I knew in that exact instant what piece I would donate to Art for Alabama. It seemed to tie directly to a tremendous letting go (shedding of the chrysalis), and creating this painting was part of the early phases of a release I have experienced in the past year. Giving the painting to her cause seemed like the most natural fit for the process to me, and the final giveaway in this Phoenix-like process. I'd also begun the year with an intention to find ways to be more altruistic with my work, and it would seem as though the perfect opportunities have found me.

My hope is that someone who is welcoming their own period of life-altering Transformation will embrace this painting and welcome in a beautiful metamorphosis of their own...

Transformation, 2011. Mixed-media acrylic on board.

Butterfly is shown perched, wings fully open, on a building known for it's batlike qualities. This piece is about life altering transformation and the integrating the light that emerges after exploring the darkness within. Butterfly medicine is about finding oneself practically liquefied as changes that often defy logic are occurring within. While the outer skin seems the same as it always was to onlookers, inside of the caterpillar, a new skin is growing. There is very little movement while the transformation is taking place. One might feel as though everything around her is moving in slow-motion, while sensitivities are sharpening. When metamorphosis is complete and the golden chrysalis falls away, the adult Butterfly emerges and sits still to allow her delicate wings to harden and the magic to assimilate. Once she feels her strength return, nothing will stop her from experiencing the beautiful flowers and sweet nectar that inspire her precious life.

 

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Human beings are really wired to bond around shared adversity. So use that remarkable power to connect and imagine and work together for the greater good, for the community. That’s what we’re all living for. -Daniel Wallach

Terra Incognita

Seems I've been a pioneer since the day I was born. One of my grandparents' teachings, by way of their legacy of migrant farmworking, is learning to trust the unknown. The thought of it makes so many of us shrink back. An old medieval cartography term used was HIC SVNT DRACONES, or "Here be dragons".

The worst of the beasts, of course, are found in my mind, and so creating a habit of dismissing them to pasture seems to help me put one brave foot in front of the other.

I feel surrounded by heart-expansionists everywhere; how can anyone feel alone with this sense of collective courage? Now that so much of the outer world has been discovered, claimed...flagged, the next level is goldmining that fourth chakra. Testing it's colors.

Violet Flame, by Laurie of primalpainter.

I sat down to write about expansionism, about growing my vision as an artist, taking on homeschooling, moving into a studio space downtown...I generally come here to share what's going on in my head and heart, but I think what wants to be shared is simply the potential for the human heart to grow.

I wrote last about squeezing through the eye of a needle, and let me tell you, I did not see that coming. I'd put some layers of protection around my heart over the years regarding a very tender matter and I really never saw it coming off. I didn't see it needing to come off. I envisioned moving forward, but with these petals wrapped securely around. Some of the feelings were of disappointment, fierce independence, heartache, closed doors, lack of connection, soul loss, impossibility, doneness, fear, (I'm getting all weepy as I go through them) guardedness. I had not been specific about what I wanted for many years, and the universe and I were experiencing some static in our transmissions to each other. I'd sacrificed something I hadn't intended to by not being clear, and my heart showed me that it was hurting because of it. Hearts tell us everything we need to know, of course, but they can be so softspoken, lost among the brain's loud directives, in my case.

I'm still in a sort of shock about how the wind suddenly changed direction as soon as I named what I wanted out loud. All I'd been clutching had to burn to the ground right in front of me. That catalog of grievances had become part of me, comfortable, familiar. I unconsciously didn't want to release them, because they would take my protection with them when they left. But I wasn't meant to walk through life armored, even in rose petals or a really awesome poncho. I believe I am meant to risk more and that requires naked vulnerability. Each day I practice, I become a bigger fan of it. I do feel raw, and I do have to assess whether to put on a very temporary cloak in order to pass through a doorway, but it's as if I've already decided to immediately remove it once I'm through. Is this making any sense or am I just being too damn cryptic?

Walking into and through the unknown is a very personal and private frontierism. Dragons, lions...they are all still here breathing hotly at me. I am not fearless. What I want to say is that I am going forward in my life with a host of wonderful things-amazing creations and new space that I can't wait to share with you.

But what is flowing out today from my bubbling stream of consciousness is the message that will perhaps be woven into a more colorful story someday, one of dropping all that covers my heart in order to be green. Willingly ignorant.

Blissfully foolish.

Wild.

 

 

Writer's Retreat in El Capitan

View coming up to tent at El Capitan Canyon just north of Santa Barbara. We're so lucky to have the oaks and sycamores be as abundant as they are here. They are so very strong and sturdy.

The writing tent. No internet connection, but an outlet was all I needed.

Snacktime.

 

Room with a view.

Even my toes were thrilled to claim time away to create. Those willow trees run all along the creekside in the camp. So beautiful. I found a branch with a right angle in it, and I'm just learning that the way plants grow, their directions have lessons to teach, too.

I stopped at my favorite point on the coastline between SB and home and caught sight of a seahawk, better known as Osprey. I'd never seen one before and I don't think they're common in these parts. They teach us to grasp onto what it is we're aiming for, and about commitments. He or she sat atop a lightpost looking down at the empty beach where I gathered shells and pieces of bone for a very long time.

Paradox

The way that you all define and experience WILD has brought me to tears again and again. I can feel my own hairs standing up on my arms when I read the words of hair flying tangled in the wind and of juicy colors and rolling down hills, of sitting still and listening to the wind and that quiet truth. I love the circular nature of inspiration, it never ends-it just feeds itself, totally nourished by the movement back to the wild, into the deeper places, far less frightening when you know there are women standing on mountaintops and diving down into the waters, just as you are. Perfectly sustainable momentum is wildness. Instinct. Ferocity to identify with everything and the beautiful emptiness of it, all at once. You women are killing me. Softly ;)

Winners are:

ROSE-for the Rabbit Bundle.

BRANDI MARIE-for the print of Go Wild Believing.

NOELLE: for the Deck of postcards.

I wish I were sending something to every one of you!!! Giveaways hurt a bit because I want everyone to win. Which means I'll have to cook up another one...*winkety wink* I just thought of one.

Tomorrow I'm heading to the coast for a couple of days of solitude to write a book proposal for a love affair that will no longer be quiet. I was reminded of a story I wanted to share with you when I saw the above painting across from me.

About five years and a few months ago, I attended a gathering of about ten women in a blogger's home in which we all sat in circle and talked about possibility and our dreams. I've loved watching the lives unfold of everyone who was there. It fascinates me to witness the big shifts that take place when women do what they've done for millenia: sit, nosh, share stories, chew the proverbial fat, and name those places waiting for them out in the not-so-distant future. I'm loving expanding my range this year by doing some teaching (here and here) and bringing that energy to some of you whom I've never met, some who've shared that you've never sat in circle and can't wait any longer.

When I met with those women, Miles was about three months old. His Daddy brought him to me throughout the day to nurse and have Mama time while I communed with my kind and then I joined them for bedtime each night. I was the first of that group to have a baby, but was behind a bit on establishing my voice in the art and writing marketplace. And kind of had my hands too full of new baby buns to do much about it. (Funny how we compare and judge our journeys when we *know* inside that we're always right where we're supposed to be.)

Just before we went, Brandon helped even more than ususal with Miles one afternoon, while I cranked out two small paintings in our travel trailer- which we were living in while our house was being built. It was such a mess! I had glue and paint everywhere, but I was like...on fire with creative energy. I didn't know if it was because I'd just become a mom, or if I was spurred on by a sort of healthy competition with these women, and I wanted to have something to share...all I knew that day was that I felt ALIVE, in several dimensions-creative in every way possible.  I felt proud of my work, one of which is the piece you see above, entitled Paradox.

My Wild was already busting through cages, and seeking meaning outside all of the boxes. I got brave enough to share my work at one point and one woman sat next to me, someone who I considered to be quite successful and deeply admired- and literally, like...the first blogger there ever was. At one point, after a long silence and looking at me....looking at my work, and back again, she asked, thoughtfully,

"So............ It can be done?"

And of course I was thinking, what in the hell is this madwoman talking about? YES, two paintings can be done, woman, you who have created countless paintings, drawings, ads, websites, books...what is fascinating to you, of all people, about this? (But I kept that to myself.)

"Art. And.....life. Parenting. The two can co-exist?"

She was asking me? Oh shit. I felt no authority to comment in that moment. However, later it made me realize that not only can it exist, that for me, it MUST exist. My art and my life were inseparable. My creativity would not peel away from my life. It would not be quiet. It would not lie down and let me be mom only. It would not cooperate. Of course, she went on to write a dozen books in the span of several years and have a baby or two, and prove it to herself in a big way.

Lesson learned: When we feel the drive to make a creative life-to open up and get our hands messy, and name it as such- the Universe helps to coordinate the logistics, right? This is what I trust. And one manifestion has a way of unfolding into another and another, and the worst I felt I could do for myself was not to name it. To hold back. To stay inside of what Amelia Earhart referred to as "even an attractive cage".

The cage, however, from where I sit, was never motherhood. It was never the town I lived in. It was not the day job I had to take when Miles was eighteen months old. It was not my age, or the fact that I didn't finish art school. The box was nothing more than the way I thought of myself and my creativity in relation to the world. It was nothing more than fear of letting my soul out to play on the wild wind so many of you spoke of. Fear that it wouldn't want to come back...

I never sold that painting. It sits on top of the bookshelf that faces me, Coyote peering out of her profile, reminding me as she exits Stage Left, that before I knew....I knew. I knew that what I considered to be impossible would show me otherwise. That what I feared would not come true, but appeared as a real obstacle, instead of the cardboard figure it really was. Because that's how Coyote operates. I could play small all I wanted, it wasn't going to work. She was already up ahead frolicking in the daisies, waiting for me to catch up and take a ride on her bristly back, so she could tell me she'd told me so back when.

 

 

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Wild Giveaway

The most common page-turners in my stash. I've been asked a lot of questions lately, which is kind of exciting because it tells me that all around me there is an energy about going deeper within and a kind of collective willingness to gather the tools right in front of us, in nature, to do that deeper work with. To reconnect with one's wilder aspects.

Knowing my environment and what it's gifts are have helped me feel more comfortable here, where I live, which does not really feel like my home. It's also made living here much more fun and interesting while I do what I need to do to thrive. Knowing my inner landscape has helped me navigate through the things I struggle with, as if carrying a compass, helping me find my way with relative ease over the bumps.

Wolves and other beasties have that beautiful inner compass which helps them make decisions that protect and honor them, without having to think about it all the time. They trust themselves. It seems like this is made up of instinct and senses working together with a well-tuned perception device. There is no right and wrong about it. Just...trust that they are where they are, and they are going where they are going. Something I love about the creatures is that they do respond to information coming in based on what has happened to them, what they've learned through experience- yet they don't use their defenses unless there is reason to do so. Observing the natural world teaches me how much *basura* I carry with me needlessly.

I watched a large ant cart a moth wing higgeldy-piggeldy toward his hill today. Of course, I thought of the rubber tree and what ants aren't supposed to be able to do and all. But it also occurred to me how present he was to dropping the wing, getting lost under it, figuring it out-he just kept moving steadily towards his goal. He didn't stop and ask himself if he should be carrying his prize to the destination. He didn't overanalyze how frustrating it was. He didn't look for someone to coach him through the process. He just knew he needed that wing *real bad* and so he claimed it, patiently working his little ant ass off to get to where he wanted to go. He trusted that he would eventually get there.

What does wild mean to you? How does it express in your life?

Share to have your name in the cauldron for a copy of the print, Go Wild Believing, the DECK-a FULL set of postcards (20), and a Rabbit medicine bundle. Three winners to be announced Thursday. Be sure to tell me which item you love the mostest.

 

 

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Surprises from the Pony Express

There is such bounty everywhere. I am blessed to have gifts coming and going each day, coming more than going, it seems! I wanted to share a few of them that I was quick enough to snap photos of before they got tucked away into their loved and useful spaces, or little hands carted them off. Think of it as a random sampling of lovin'...it reminds me to keep sending out mail love, something I enjoy tremendously, because it feels soooo good to receive surprises. Don't you agree?

This is homemade healing salve from a herby desert mama friend.

She also sent a bagful of Datura, a deadly nightshade that I must find a magical use for...

Yummy sugar scrub from another mama friend.

A piece of honey calcite which has hardly left me since I opened it. This came from a very faraway friend, so it is extra special, having made such a long journey! I keep wanting to call it Honeyed Calcite. The note that came with it says that it is a powerful amplifier and cleanser of energies and that it helps to speed up development and growth.

Rainwater collected by yet another beautiful sister from a salmon stream near her home in the Pacific Northwest. Of course, I opened it right up and took a giant swig, and I swear, it is the freshest water I've ever tasted. It has a very clean feeling about it. Makes me want to head north.

Bobcat fur remnants from a taxidermy job, from an amazing Native American man who sells me deerskin from time to time. He just tucked this little handful of scraps into my last package, knowing that I would scream and meow and be delighted.

On that note, another friend who is local, brought over two giant trashbags filled with scraps of mule deer, elk, black bear, and some sort of mountain goat hides today from his friend, a taxidermist, who was going to throw it all in the garbage. I get asked a LOT where I obtain claws, fur bits, feathers. Now you know how some of it finds it's way to me. Black Bear is not legal to buy or sell in California because it is our state animal, in fact, each state has it's own specific laws about which animals are legal to possess parts of, and it varies widely. But it is nice to be gifted a bit of this and that to have onhand for special purposes. Especially if it was headed for a trash bin! Native peoples and those practicing native ways have a lovely way of sharing medicine with each other. Remember my coyote leg that my friend's dog dragged out of the forest that is one of my treasures? Sharing is caring.

Surprise chocolate! Which is always a good thing. This is that yummy chocolate that helps one to RELAX, which I'm very much in need of assistance with. Wei of Chocolate (pronounced Way of Chocolate) are very good peeps. RELAXED and JOYFUL are my favorites. The flower-infused flavors are otherworldly.

Bunnies for babes, from one of the kids' most important aunties.

And that concludes this synopsis of lovemail for now. Blessings on all. xoxo