Pink Coyote

Fox + SouLodge 4.0 Giveaway

Fox has been calling me out for over a year with some urgency. She's run in front of my car, lured me down a hill outside a restaurant in Big Sur, and showed up in numerous dreams, paintings and writings. She helped me discover some of the work I would be doing with SouLodge.

Driving into town one day two weeks ago, she called to connect again. I stopped the car abruptly to wrap her warm body in a towel, and take her home for sacred burial. I received a large dose of medicine from her that day and am still working with it now. She is a mysterious creature, and a mighty totem, despite her petite physique. With the help of a friend and our two girls, we honored Fox and gave her back to the Earth with blessings. Part of walking my path means taking care to honor the medicine, as I was taught to.

My guys were gone camping, and so I opened the Earth myself this time, placing her bundle between Mama Sycamore and Grandmother Sage. Thank you to all who gave support and blessings the day she went to the other side.

Honoring the sacred lifecycle.

Fox has come in, along with Red-Tailed Hawk, Great Blue Heron, and Elk to accompany our Eagle eyesight into the East with Spring Lodge teachings. It is a very strong Medicine Wheel to walk this time around. After restoring in the North, it's time to warm up the soil and plant the seeds for the remainder of the creative year. The fourth Lodge running will be pretty fiery, with an emphasis on soaring high without burning out.

So let's give away some seats by the fire, shall we?  

THREE winners will be announced SATURDAY MARCH 10th.

*Enter with a comment, and be entered again for a tweet, a blog post, and again for a Facebook share. Be sure to let me know in your comment how many entries to put you down for.

**Those who register by March 15th will be invited to the Spring Equinox call to take place on Saturday, March 17th. I'll discuss the animals who'll be joining us, as well as how to do some clearing and planting ceremony for the Spring Equinox taking place on Tuesday, March 20th.

Registration closes on March 26th. Class begins on Monday, April 2nd.

Gratitude to YOU, the awakened women who walk the path, to the creatures that work as allies with us, to our ancestors, to the Four Directions, to Mama Earth and Father Sky, who teach us all we need to know.

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For me Soulodge has been life enhancing and nothing short of miraculous.  As a person who strives to connect, remain open, and worship Mother Nature and all of her critters on a daily basis, I had no idea how much more was available.  How connecting with your own soul can make one a happier, stronger, more fulfilled individual.

 

I have done many classes and workshops before and they have been interesting and fun.  Soulodge, on the other hand, has rocked my world!  Giving me faith when my own was waning, making me laugh (at finding out how many carry rose quartz close to their bosom) and making me cry when I feel the human-ness of the struggles we all face.

 

Pixie Campbell is a pioneer for the soul.  She has started with her workshops a revolution for wise and wild women to gather, create, support, connect, conspire and heal themselves, each other and the world.  I am blown away by her courage, honesty and the beauty with which she portrays the balance of being 'strong as mountain and gentle as feather'.

 

I will never forget my time in Soulodge and my whole life will forever be enhanced by the lessons I have learned here.

 

I bow deeply and gratefully to Pixie Campbell ~ The 'Queen Bee' of Soul.

 

--A.Wingfield

 

 **WINNERS OF THREE SEATS IN LODGE ARE...**

Nicole, Terra and Petrea. I've replied to your posts below. Welcome into Lodge, sisters! Send me an email at soulodgeretreatsatgmaildotcom and you'll receive your welcome instructions in your inbox. Thank you all for playing! I hope to see you under the flap on April 2nd.

**Those who register by March 15th will be invited to the Spring Equinox call to take place on Saturday, March 17th. I'll discuss the animals who'll be joining us, as well as how to do some clearing and planting ceremony for the Spring Equinox taking place on Tuesday, March 20th.

Blessings, all. Aho!

Den-like Depths & Nesty Heights

photo by Brandon Campbell

Searcher, there is no road. We make the road by walking. --Antonio Machado

The light is making it's way back and the post-release hangover wore off in no time. It's been so energizing to read all of the posts that came in, to know that energy was being raised, consciousness committed to, and women and families in circle around the fire were gathering everywhere. Mission accomplished! When I birthed the idea many months ago, I had no idea how the video would be made, much less received. It was loaded over 25,000 times, which exceeded my dream to be amazed, by far. Thank you to all of you who embraced this ritual, some of you for the very first time.

It takes so much courage to create the road by walking.

Snuggling in with my babies for Christmas, I was reminded of just how little it takes for a young mind to be amazed. It's not even their dream to be amazed, and yet, it's so simple for them. For Miles and Ivy- being together, making platters of food, seeing Santa's cookie with a big bite taken out of it, being in awe at the lights and the laughter, pecking out Silent Night on the keyboard, having everyone in their tribe circled around them...I could see the wonder of celebration all over their faces-excitement for life seeping out of their skin.

Marking special occasions ceremoniously has a tremendous impact on the young and young-at-heart. Tribes of all cultures have been burning fires, even Solstice fires, for millennia. As I've taken the work of SouLodge narrower and deeper, into what it really means to connect to the Earth and the seasons, it becomes evermore clear that we are all connected by a distinct thread. This very tribe of rebellious moms, creative spirits and wild women burns so brightly that the thread is unmistakable, and oh-so-powerful.

The Four Season Pass has sold out of it's limited quantity-but there are still seats open for Winter SouLodge. I hope you'll take your commitment to connect and circle to new den-like depths and nesty heights with the howling pack, where we'll be focusing on deep restoration and care of Self and Earth during the quiet time of year, before bursting into bloom in the meadows of Spring.

Ivy holds down the heartbeat of mama Gaia.

 

Solstice Hangover Remedy & Giveaway Winners

Do you have a Solstice Hangover? That is to say, did releasing into the fire leave you feeling like you labored long and hard and now deep rest and restoration are required just two days before Christmas? What?! You're not alone.

I read this at Jen Louden's site this morning as part of her 2012 Predictions For You:

"I see you showered with spunk, powered by verve, on fire with desire. Stuck and stagnant, my friend, are junk in the trunk you drop off at Goodwill. Bye bye."

I had to giggle at her perky outlook, on a morning when I feel...less-than-spunky, after having made the big drop-off.

There is truth around the need to igniting desire within me, as I have just left so, SO much behind in the fire that I burned for twenty-four hours solid, so much so that I feel completely emptied out and ready to refill with that which IS invited into 2012, beginning with taking very good care of myself and my family for the next few days through the Christmas holiday, which we celebrate.

I'm going out today for the last few items, unafraid of crowds, wearing a bit of light protection around me, planning to tune into what it will feel like to take my raw self out into the world before I put the key into the ignition. While in the midst of ceremony, negativity feels as though it can grab us-we are in a vulnerable state and must bring some grounded intention to where we're now at and what we need to do to move to the next step.

We need not take on negative energy from the outside world, as we move back toward life in a new way. If you're needing some support around what type of protection to carry, let me say that donning armour is a heavy load...love is lightweight and so portable.

Envision a source of light protection around you if you are feeling raw.

Give yourself a visual, auric, cloak of permission to travel among people without taking their releasings on. The toxic debris of others, shed unceremoniously on us through various forms of howlers, media and physical transmissions need not feel disruptive-you cannot block them from coming toward you, however, when standing in truth and love, you cannot be shaken or stirred.

The New Moon is here, and her timing couldn't be better. We cannot stay in the energy of letting go and releasing, it is time to move into a space of envisioning and calling in. If you create a space of Love around you, no one will be able to harm you. As darkness attracts darkness, as does Light attract Light. My teacher said to me, "If you're in anxiety, fear or resentment, you will attract that." The law of attraction is always at work, and her simple words and love were an affirmation to me when we spoke this morning.

Candle Ritual for Calling in Positive New Year Visions

If you are feeling groggy, unclear, or in a crash, move into this exercise gently:

Anoint a new candle, blessing it with prayers and oils. Keep the oil to the outside of the candle and not right up on the wick. Envision yourself in the new way, post releasing ceremony. Think of what wondrous experiences come next for you, and see it playing out as you light your candle.

The soul, like the moon, is new, and always new again.
—Lalleswari by my love Carla at Zena Moon.

When you feel complete with your vision for yourself, imagine how your vision will integrate with the cosmos and ripple out through your family and the greater human tribe. Note what feelings are hugged up around you.

When you're finished with this ritual, blow out your candle and save it for use only with this meditation, to fortify you each new moon throughout the year, or whenever you need a boost to lift you back into your fierce and powerful heartspace and vision.

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The randomly selected winners for the Winter SouLodge passes are Stephanie Mitchell and Nina Ricker. Please send an email to [email protected] to let me know  that you are IN and ready to restore your soul in the North this Winter.

***

Blessings to all, and gratitude to the Big Mama Earth and Sister Moon for their ageless feminine wisdom that is available to all of us, right here-right now.

 

Letting Go by ericatheartist

I have to share this with you. For those who are starting your fires tonight, or burning them tomorrow, I wish you light, ease, heart and love.

Thank you, Erica. I'm awestruck.

 

*The actual moment of Winter Solstice is supposed to occur on December 22 at 5:30a.m. Greenwich Mean Time (GMT). PST to GMT is -8 hours, so here on the West Coast it occurs on December 21 at 9:30pm. Many celebrations took place this weekend, but if you want to make your fire on the darkest night of the year, the 21st or the 22nd would be the best. My calendar says that the first day of Winter is December 22nd. However the sun rises at 5:25am and sets at 5:15 on both the 21st and 22nd, so they are equally short days! The 20th-25th are all equally short days, according to sunrisesunset.com.

Women In Circle: THE MOTHER Of ALL RELEASINGS CEREMONY

Thank you to everyone who made this video come to life. My hope is that it brings vitality and energy to your Solstice ceremony, sacredness to your season, Trust in your process, and a shared belief with the women who participated that Women deserve a circle.

Ritualizing release is a way to "bind the medicine" of moving beyond the past, the pain, the obstacles, the resistance, the old traps, the excuses. I'm so grateful to lead us into the new year and into the flames to be rebirthed for 2012.

Please share this ritual in your tribe, with your family and friends, or enjoy it in sacred solitude. If you share the video with your online tribe, please comment here so that I can enter you into the giveaway for one of two seats in the Winter Session of SouLodge. It is my gift and pleasure to circle with you.

Aho, sisters. Blessings to all my relations.

 

 

A Week for the Books

This is the week of all weeks. I'm pleasantly stunned by all that is being released around here and in the ripples that surround me.

This Friday, December 16th, is the day I'll be sharing the beautiful video made by twelve women and I to share with you as an offering for the Winter Solstice. The Mother of All Releasings Ceremony feels so big. There are so many women, tribes, and families who are stepping forward, lighting a fire and tossing in the un-needed, most of which is hinged on FEAR. This week I'll be baring my soul, making my request of the Universe, asking all women to open up and LET GO. If you are hosting a Solstice party or gathering this weekend, the video will put some swirl in your skirt and bring some sacred to your space in preparation.

I will also be giving away two passes to Winter SouLodge on Friday. You heard me right. Class begins January 16th. Tee hee.

This Thursday, I'll be attending the official launch party, with an enormous collection of my friends and community, to celebrate the release of Christine Mason Miller's book Desire to Inspire: Using Creative Passion to Transform the World. THE WORLD. Putting our creativity to work and living our vision has the power to CHANGE THE WORLD. Yes, it does. I'm so proud to have shared writings and a project in this book.

 

Christine and I have been friends for eleven or more years, when she was manufacturing a greeting card line (Swirly) and I was manufacturing sleepwear (Napcake). We collaborated on pajama designs then and I knew I would want to work with her for as long as she'd have me on her team. At the time, my mission was to create a beautiful permission to rest and Christine totally got it-we were taking big leaps of creative faith at the same time. Jennifer Louden, another super-shero from back in the day, has interviewed Christine at her blog, and reading it reminded me how far it's possible to come in such a short time. From artist to visionary doesn't take long when you line your head up with your heart.

Also on Thursday, the new Squam Art Workshops website is going live. Oh, yes. That is all I can say.

I've created a foundation course for SouLodge, which will be available as a PDF e-Lodge this weekend. Wheeeee and awrooooooo! I've been feeling called to do this since the Summer session ended, and because we covered so many wondrous basics, that I thought it would be really helpful to those just coming in, and answer many questions that come up around what's helpful to know while waiting for a session to begin, or to work the lessons in solitary before coming into the community fully present and accountable. For all of you who have asked for this, thank you. You push me to keep my muzzle to the grindstone, and birth what is ready to be received.

I'm also taking a really huge leap of faith. I will tell you about it when the time is right, but please hold a light for me as I release something I didn't think I was going to, and embrace something I thought I was going to let go of. I am clearing the way for something I once thought impossible. Crazy risky. But crazy good.

I have so much passion for this community, this sacred women's circle. I have a vision in my mind each time I come to this space: I see women with babies on their backs, bread being kneaded, water being carried, the sun drawn down, poetry sang to the rising moon, the fire in the center of it all, skirts swirling, women trusting, letting fly with the spiral dance...this vision comes to me every time I come to write here, and I feel flooded with gratitude every.single.time.

photo by Christine Mason Miller

 

Sneak Peek Video for Mother of All Releasings

Anne Carmack slipped this to me this morning. Enjoy, and tune in on Friday for the real deal!

 

Make Your Own Releasing Bundle Instructions

I'm all goosebumpy writing this. It's with all of the energy I have that I ask the women (and maybe one or two men with heart?) who gather here to honor the Winter Solstice this year by creating a ritual at home or in circle with others in order to release what is of the dated, outmoded ways. Winter Solstice is the shortest, darkest day of the year, which holds the promise of the Light just on the other side of it. On this end, I'm calling it The Mother of All Releasings Ceremony.

If you'd like to make a releasing bundle, as I did for this season's SouLodge participants' kits, here's what you'll need:

A 5x5" square of cotton or hemp fabric

An offering of loose tobacco (I used a very small pinch of tobacco and also some white sage and lavender buds-such small amounts-a little goes a long way.)

Many tiny slips of paper to write your releasing wishes on

A natural fiber cord or string to tie it up with

1. Assemble your plant material on your square of fabric (I chose tattered black linen to represent the imperfect beings we are and also the shadow aspects)

2. Add the slips of paper that you've written what you'll be burning up and away, and roll them up nice and tiny before you add them to the pile.

3. Gather the corners up and tie tightly with hemp twine. It will look like a little ball with pointy tips, or a little black ghost if you turn it upside down.

4. When Solstice arrives on December 22nd, set aside some time and build a fire. If you do not have access to an outdoor firepit, or barbecue, you can burn it outside, in an open space, in an earthenware bowl or abalone shell. The flames will rise, so DO BE CAREFUL and take expert girl scout precautions.

Know that your sisters all around the globe are collectively releasing alongside you, and that we are a tapestry of Women who are paving the way for ourselves to move clearly and confidently from our intentions with this ceremony. Yes, please share what you feel called to at your blog and in your public spaces! I believe that the Earth is ready and willing to take on our emotional dreck and compost it up for us for new and wonderful things to be born from it. Consider making an offering to the Earth of a tiny stone or crystal to thank her for all that she carries for us.

I think it's possible to make this ceremony a biggie. One of the reasons I believe this is because I've been conversing and working with the women of Autumn SouLodge to name (privately and publicly) all that they want to let go of in order to greet 2012 and a shift into greater consciousness with clarity.

I've put my personal circle of women together and we'll be making an AWESOME video to share here to inspire women everywhere to throw the tattered aspects of being into the fire. We're all very keyed up over this and I'll be nailbiting from now until share day. My intention is to raise energy all over the world on December 22nd and make it a celebration of release. I'm seriously laughing as I write this because I feel so strongly about what we are capable of when we can alchemically transform:

Fear into Courage

Not Enoughness into Plenty                   

Old patterns of behavior into fresh responses and vulnerability           

Anger into Cleansing Breath

Sorrow into Hope

Grief into Rebirth

Loneliness into Circle and Support

Disempowerment into Confident Action

Creative Dormancy into Full Expression

Superficiality into True Being

Masks into Love of What Really Is

Shortsightedness into Eagle's Vision

Limitations into Possibility

Projections into Conscious Ownership

Stuckness into Movement

Depression into Light

Bondage into Freedom

Control into a Loose, Flexible Grasp

Obsession into Letting It Be

Anxiety into Flow

Fragmentations into Wholeness

Duality into Oneness

Shame into Acceptance of the Processes of Life

Mistrust into Trust

Judgment into Allowing

You know, the little things that keep us sitting in our own dungeons, stagnant and hungry. There's so much more to name. We've been engaging in a lot of processing around healing, voicing the truth, allowing support/asking for help/asking to be held in silence, and declaring freedoms in the Lodge, and it's been a honor to witness and hold space for the women who are tucked inside, talking, creating and working, and shaking it out. While none of us is walking around living these negative forces all of the time, when it comes time to take action, or when we stumble a bit, these shadowy aspects come rearing up like a viper to keep us inactive. Or maybe shimmying up like old, icky skeletal remains to convince us that we are powerless over that which holds us back.

Imagine if we felt held enough by the Universe, by All That Is, and could shed the old skins to allow a rebirth when the light returns...imagine if we could hold our visions for ourselves as visions for the world and see how what we do as visionary women ripples out and is in alignment with the new consciousness trying to awaken everywhere.

I'm looking forward to carrying the wood to the fire and freeing the stuck bits within myself!

Please tell me if you'll be doing this ritual or your own version of it. I'd like to carry the vision of all of us as we draw toward letting our burdens down. Continuing in the legacy of my teacher and pipe-carrier, Bear Who Dances With the Sky, I'm thrilled to honor the medicine teachings and share them with you here. So much gratitude.

Aho!

Winter Session for SouLodge + Releasing

Good Monday morning, sweet readers. I'm so grateful for this space. I know I say this ad infinitum, but it's so true. It's really hard not to bow to the screen every time I come here, because I truly am living my dream of creating and connecting in exactly the way I know I'm meant to.

I'm working hard behind the scenes to create a beautiful ceremony for the Winter Solstice that I want to invite all of you to be a part of. (Yes, I'll do a button and all of that yummy stuff for you who are so deliciously button-hungry :)

It's called The Mother of All Releasings Ceremonies, and I will perform the ceremony live and share the video here on December 21st, the day before the Solstice, the darkest day of the year. You and hopefully thousands of others can do the same on the 22nd and raise energy and consciousness around this, if you feel called to, which I hope you do!

The reason I feel so strongly about this day and this ceremony, is because I've discovered in my own work, as well as in observance of the women in my classes, that we women are carrying and holding onto and holding *in* SO MUCH. I want to grant permission to do what we are designed to do, which is to gather and empty, gather and empty. It seems that this is on my mind all of the time now. I notice that when I am stepping into my visionary shoes, I cannot afford to drag a dead horse behind me. Women are communing and taking amazing leaps all around me, and none of us need to be stalked by the stagnant and outmoded. I hope you'll join me when the day comes. Envision a fire, and see yourself tossing your old worries and fears in there. The elements love to compost. Let's give them the best of our garbage. The most choice, decaying, bits.

I'll be putting up a recipe here at the end of the month so that you can create your very own releasing bundle, (the same that I created for my Lodge Women), filled with the energy and words that you are ready to let go of in order to greet the new year with open arms, a bright light and no dead anything clinging on and loitering up your beautiful space!

Registration has opened for Winter SouLodge and there are also four-season passes available for all full-length sessions being held in 2012. I'm so excited to be doing this work and sharing my tools and resources with awakened women. It's become a safe and lively container, and I've learned so very much inside the shelter about the true nature of Woman. It keeps my fire burning. :)

Kits, Fokses and Creative Fire

This season. Oh, this season. You are sneaking away from me so quickly like a sly little red fox. In addition to eating the children's Halloween candy...I am trying to soak up as much of the Autumn air as I can. This is the season which always feels like New Year's to me. I don't want it to slip past me. Staying in the present moment has been at times, really easy. Such as when I whipped up a little minky black tail, a kitty cape and pointy ears on an old headband for Ivy's cat costume in under two hours, two days before All Hallow's Eve. Oh, and gaining an hour on the clock last night. That was especially easy to be present for.

But most times I am feeling surrendered to the chaos that is looking at houses many times per week, driving back and forth to Ojai, falling in love with it, transporting back here, grieving this place and loving how we're able to spread out here on this land. There is much talk of releasing coming out of my mouth these days and releasing what was, in order to embrace what would very much like to be, is required. I have not designed that ceremony yet.

I did take some time this week to create Releasing Kits for the wild women of Autumn SouLodge, however. And that was great fun for me.I have to balance the work in my head with work for my hands. Fun! I mean, fun for my hands. It's late. To the photo journal.

Ceremony starts with smudge.

It all began rather innocently.

Tribbles! I mean, er...Releasing Kits!

Rainy days make for good indoor ceremony, and tired mama Lodge leaders with naps in the agenda.

The creative fire is eternal.

 

The Mother Of All Releasings Ceremony + *giveaway winner*

The Moon is in her full splendor tonight as I write this. I am filled with so many feelings surrounding your releasing comments. We all have so much fear, not-enoughness, anxiety, doubt, control, anger, grief...the old baggage, as someone called it. This connection with each of you, over what we are holding onto...well, you know I consider it my life's work to Let Go. To release again and again whatever stands between me and peace. Me and love of one and all, my foolish self included. So this has touched me so deeply, and come at the perfect time.

Misty mentioned that she wanted to "shake it" and I remembered these words when I sampled (and pre-ordered) Florence's new record today, Ceremonials. A beautiful sign! It popped into my field of vision at iTunes just as these thoughts were percolating in the cauldron of my consciousness, meditating on just how heavy the loads are that we carry. We sometimes forget that in order to keep our baskets full of what nourishes us, we must move on from the old.

 

I drove around a little bit tonight, shaking it off, and thinking about what a powerful ritual it would be if we all gathered collectively, on the same day around the world, to Shake It Off. Let it go. And as Florence says, "I'm always dragging that horse around... tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground..."

 I danced in the driver's seat. I threw the devil off my back.

And that's when it hit me like a blast of light.

WE NEED A CEREMONY FOR LETTING GO.

I've created them many times, but never for a large group. And so there came a vision.

Here is how the full moon evening unfolded in my nest from there:

I sat in my studio and put together a Letting Go Kit, which I decided to mail out to each of my Autumn SouLodge sisters the week we begin class on October 31st. It will include the simple ingredients we will need to create a charged-up little container to hold all that we want to release.

The session will end on December 4th, and we will have once again circled around the Medicine Wheel and worked with the elements that have come up for us, looking at where our resistance is, flushing out what wants to come into the light and be expressed and embraced, come face to face with our guides and creature totems, working with them to overcome the obstacles that give us access to Source in a way that is meaningful to each of us. We will have discovered what no longer serves and how we want to proceed. We will declare it.

THEN, when Winter Solstice arrives on December 22nd, we can all take our little packages stuffed with fear, grief, not-enoughness, doubt, rage, disappointment...ALL OF IT to the fire. We will take it to the fire: be it at a roaring bonfire, a fireplace, a chiminea on a deck, or a firesafe bowl in our kitchen sinks, and we will burn those babies up. ALL ON THE SAME DAY, creating an agreement with our sisters around the world to Let It Go. To dance around the sacred fire of our awesomeness and watch our bundles go up in flames! Can you imagine?!

And all just in time for the New Year, which is by no accident, 2012, the year the Mayan calendar beckons us to move into the next dimension of consciousness. The one in which fear, doubt, self-loathing, and not-enoughness, are not needed. They have tried to serve us well as protective forces, however, their time is up. The darkest day of the year is the perfect time to create energy around this letting go. How can we go wrong if we collect all of our desires to release, and do it in sacred, feminine ceremony in the company of hundreds of other women on the cusp of the return of the Light?

Time and again, the image of dancing around a fire comes up for us in journeywork in the Lodge. It is time to make this real!

I was guided to call this The Mother Of All Releasings Ceremony.

I'll make a huge deal out of this on my blog, as well as in my public spaces, I'll provide you with buttons to share at your home sites if you wish, discover a way for those of you who cannot attend Lodge to participate, and share all of the details of how to take advantage of this potential for transformation and make it real. I'll share a video from around a fire to connect us all in this rite of passage on the day of Winter Solstice.

There will be flames. And there will be dancing! And there will be releasing.

This is an exercise in letting go and of binding the medicine. Of owning your power as an intuitive woman, which you do not have to try to be- it is your birthright.

Judgment, guilt, negativity, unkindness to our bodies, shame, stuckness -Mama Earth is always ready to take it from us, and together with the alchemy of fire, make something useful out of it- leaving us free to TRUST that we are so much more than what we needlessly carry around.

We get to take the first steps as a community, TOGETHER, to shake it off, in the Mother Of All Releasings Ceremony, on the upcoming Solstice.

 

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Thank you to Lauren of VisionWise, for sharing her work so generously with us here. She is offering a 15% discount at her shop using the Coupon Code: INTENTION.

Erica Wilson won the giveaway for the pouch, and she said, "Blessed be this season of release and balance! I wish to let go my belief that I do not deserve the beauty and blessings of my life. I deserve to be loved and can let it all in. I would like to cultivate the belief that I have valuable and beautiful and powerful things to share with the world. Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful. Blessed be our Journey."

I couldn't agree more. Blessed be our journey as women in love with our lives and living our visions.

SouLodge registration is open now and will close on October 24th.

VLOG Sacred Tools: Working with Crystals

At long last, and thank you for your patience! Now that I have the kinks worked out, we can start talking e-course. Yipppeeeee! Awrooooooooooooooooooo!

 

 

The crystals featured in the video are a selenite wand, a chunk of raw rose quartz, and an amethyst formation from inside of a geode.

The Owl wing is from a Barn Owl, which I use in intuitive work because of Owl's ability to cross easily from one realm to the other, and because she brings magic and femininity to all that she touches.

I read from Sandra Ingerman's book, Medicine From the Earth.

 

Thank you all again for your love, patience, and curiosity for the Earth and her magical ways. Bless...

 

Beautiful Fuel: SAW Part 2

Deep breath. Tea and snack at my side. Many thoughts surfacing about how I can communicate the essence of my experience with you. I'm going to go slowly, okay? I really want to tell you so much...

Attending any retreat is risky. It asks us to stretch ourselves a little, gently, and it also brings up anxiety around our expectations. How will we be perceived? Will we be able to do what we set out to? What in the wild world will blindside us on our journeys there, such as flat tires, car rental snafus, getting lost, forgetting important items, separation anxiety? Just the beginning. How will we grow in our strength and confidence as we take these risks? How will we disappoint ourselves or let ourselves off the hook?

I've attended Squam Art Workshops two times before, once offsite with my family, and in 2009 onsite with my family. Both times, it was as a student. This was my first time alone, and...I was teaching. The week prior I was riddled with anxiety, but as soon as I pulled up through the "tunnel of trees", (as Miles referred to it when he was just about to be three), I felt the cramp and then the release that comes with initiation. I cried as I drove and it was cleansing. By the time I arrived on the land, that sacred land (!) I was fresh and ready to share my gifts, the very best of what I had to share right then.

I presented the idea that our Muse dwells deep within us and that we have to clear the way to access her reserves that eagerly await us, especially so if we don't already have a practice of doing this. One of my students emailed to say this:

I so enjoyed your mask class, that I was wishing I'd taken your medicine shawl class on the last morning.  I was intrigued to hear just a little bit about your Native American beliefs and culture, I'd like to learn more, such a different way of thinking and regarding our earth, our souls, our journey.  The best part of the class for me was the beginning time when we were sitting by the fire, you were "talking us out of our left brains", and into our right brains, talking about our animals, our energy centers - a real mental transformation, especially for someone like me who doesn't typically "color outside the lines"!  I think a little bit of magic was happening! -Karen

I felt an immediate sense of the women who blessed me with their trust as they showed up so open and ready to dig into their creativity in a way that they hadn't yet before. I don't quite know how to tell you what it was like to be in a rustic room, fire roaring, wind howling through the cracks of our workshop doors, and be surrounded by such divine willingness to risk comfort and limits in order to push into that fertile den of our spirits. While I want to be accountable for the space I held and the content I created, I want to assure you that something else was at work. It's my belief that something else always is at work.

Beverly followed her Muse into our kitchen where she wet felted watery, elemental colors of wool roving using a piece of found plastic netting and dishsoap.

The work with the mask was not about creating an alternate persona to hide behind, but a way to give "face" to the parts of us that reside in our spirits. I discovered somewhere along this road that our souls have work to do, lessons to learn, ancient history to overcome. I have come to love this messy, human soul-work. Souls are full of purpose and drive, sometimes with a blend of fear or courage. But our spirits are where we know from.

The best way I can think to describe it is to tell you about a vision I had while I was flying back home: If it's true that we are born in the very beginning as pure light, from the chaos of creative energy, then it makes perfect sense that our life's work, our soul work will begin to unfold the moment we interact with the world and the egos that surround us, including our own. But then, events occur that bring us back in touch with the light.

As the second half of my own life begins, I find that I want more access to that light. I found that the women in my classes had been through a lot. They shared. Some of us even wept. No matter what their ages, I heard again and again that they wanted access to, and were returning to that light for fuel, for confidence, for sanctuary, for messages about how to proceed. I imagine it like a well, and as we get older, we realize that it's always been there for us, from the very beginning, only now, we can get to it and draw up nourishment and luminous expression from it.

Tifanie topstitches and embroiders by the fire.

I'm still integrating many of the gifts that presented at this workshop. (One of which was a hearty donation of sewing machines from Singer, which made it possible for us to have an abundance of tools onhand to create with.)

I still have much more to share. This is a bit of a show and tell of what came up for me as I was entering this new realm of imparting what I know. It's a start.

I'm still getting grounded from the experience, but I feel safe here saying that it was very powerful. Sometimes, at large retreats I can sense a hiding out, and a protection among participants, but this was not my experience at all. And I heard similar murmurings all over camp during my time there.

The vastness of the heart-openings I witnessed infused me with a mysterious and profound trust in the feminine process, something I'd imagined could not expand any more. As I watched the hands of these wild women shapeshift into the hands of their grandmothers and ancestors, fueled by something greater than we could have foreseen, I became filled with a kind of security in our abilities to grow and expand in ceremony, in circle, and in creativity...together.

burning woman*

i'm too tired to capitalize, i'm sorry, friends. my beltane weekend away brought so so much teaching, movement and unexpected growth. best moments were cackling it up under the stars around a fire with some amazing women who traveled a long way to play with me and my local wild women. most surprising was coming home a day early to tend to my own homefire.

here is a photo journal of some of my favorite moments...

the day began with picking up my cohorts and going out for the absolute BEST veggie burgers and fries ever in the world at r&d, on montana ave. in santa monica. if you're in the neighborhood, do not pass them up. the food is magical. i wish i'd snapped the mascarpone and berries for you to drool over.

 

terri working her henna skillz on kirsten.

and again on julie...

 

beach shenanigans, which involved wine drinking and cheerleading jumps in the ocean.

terri, kirsten and julie.

photo by terri

altar building

talking stickin'

tarot card readin'

it was a weekend of laughter and merriment, but also one of deep emotional processing and exhaustion. it is said that beltane is all about fertility, may day, as it were. i would say we covered some pretty fertile territory, unearthed some deep roots, shifted our perspectives and learned a lot about what we have to let go. what i tried to bear in mind on this adventure was to know what i needed and ask for what i want. isn't that sometimes the hardest thing to do? to claim what's already yours-and to stand in the confidence of that decision?

i plan to go camping (or glamping as one husband had referred to it, as his wife journeyed toward) each beltane and for every natural holiday that i possibly can. i love that there is purpose in these days that mark mid-spring and solstices, that there is a history there to add to the toolkit for growing and learning. sometimes the lesson is to sit still and stop growing! and i embrace those teachings, too, as i tend to get easily obsessed with movement. however, this time movement swept me up and away without warning, and through the eye of a very small needle.

i hope that your holy day of fires on the mountain found you releasing the old and making way for the new, in one way or another, dramatically or softly.

Medicine Bundle Bender

I made a record number of bundles for the shop this weekend, because they seem to go so fast, and it requires a lot of set up just to make a few.  It was a bit crazy in this studio with so many creatures running wild at once. My hope is that you'll find what you're looking for in and amongst the herd. There are only a couple of them that didn't make it into this batch.

I'm also making lots of custom bundles behind the scenes, and it is keeping me as busy as a springtime Bee. I can't yet explain how fulfilling it is to work with some of you personally. As you entrust me to discover combinations of allies to help bring in the energies and changes you're seeking, I can't help but feel totally overwhelmed with gratitude for what I do.

Sending out a grateful hug to the world today. You are beautiful as you journey this winding road, gathering your tools, opening up to your deeper Self.

Vlog Sacred Tools: Gratitude

 

I've made another video, this time while daytripping at my favorite beach here in California, Rincon Point. It's a local's beach where the surf is good and tide pools abundant with sea life for the kids to poke around in and discover the magic of tide pools.

I'm demonstrating how easy it is to set out into nature with the tiniest of sacred tools, in order to give thanks to the directions, the Ocean and the sacred planet for all that they give and inspire in us. When we go for outings, my kids often like to bring home treasures. It is fitting to leave behind a blessing. My children participated in thanksgiving offscreen today, because they were having too much fun playing to be part of mama's production. The wee pouch didn't take much preparation to fill, nor did it take up too much room among the baskets and bags to schlep down to the sand. Some rites can be brief and compact, while being very effective.

I don't have a photo of my pouch handy, but I wanted to share one with you. This one, called Palomino, was made by Karen Prado. There are all kinds of pouches, bags and beautiful ways to carry the sacred medicine, some of which are more American Indian in appearance and tradition, and some which have obvious Celtic details, and plenty more others still beyond that. Receiving one as a gift or making one with your own hands makes it extra special.

I packed the pouch with:

lavender buds

a rose quartz bear fetish

pieces of blue kyanite

If you hang in until the end of this short vlog, you will see a panicked me bolting off to save my children from a runaway horse, who dumped it's rider and took off down the shoreline toward the area where they were playing with a friend of mine and her baby. Brandon and I  laughed MIGHTILY, because it's like watching a Funniest Home Video. Thank goodness no one was hurt! Interesting that even a spooked and stampeding horse can use selective judgment in a crisis, eh?

My first thought was to trim the video just after I said final thanks, but Coyote insisted I leave it in for laugh therapy.

Bless the Ocean & Earth, Japan, frightened horses, and each of us on this global ride. After the events of the week, perhaps a hearty laugh will be a good release for all.

 

Smudging the New Den

photo by fellow Traveler, Lisa Field-Elliot

It's very exciting to me that so many of you are asking for more details about smudging and creating sacred space in your environments. If you didn't see the first video, which covered a little bit of information on smudging, check it out here.There are also a few resources for smudge sticks listed in that post.

One question is whether one should smudge her apartment before she moves her things in or after. If it were me, I would like to smudge the empty nest first. I take my shell or bowl, light the smudge stick (I'd definitely use white sage in a new dwelling) until it's burning nicely, then blow out the flame so that the dried herbs are smoking. You can use your hand or a big feather to fan the smoke up into all of the corners of each room, and into the cabinets and closets.

Here are some awfully pretty fans that I found on Etsy by searching for "smudge fan". The legal-use feathers used are painted to resemble eagles and hawks and look nice and big. I also like the looks of these. You could just as easily make your own. Wonderful feathers are sold at pow wows, as well as Etsy, or you may have a local farm that will allow you to collect.

Aside: Be forewarned, if you are planning to purchase a fan from this seller, that she is indeed selling real migratory and predator bird feather fans from Australia, and U.S. Migratory Bird Laws do not allow the sale or purchase of feathers from protected species (almost all birds except some fowl, I believe). Fines for buying, selling or even carrying a migratory bird feather are in the thousands of dollars. Risky business. I don't mean to be a boo-bird while up there flaunting my Hawk wing.

What smudging does is clears the existing energy out, especially in corners and small spaces in which it tends to gather and stagnate. Smudging also acts as a prayer of blessing and intention in a new space where you hope to thrive.

The photo above was snapped by a friend I visited this weekend. After we'd done a fair bit of unloading of our hearts and before we headed out to breakfast and back to our families, we smudged ourselves and her altar. I think of it like a reset button. I joke to friends sometimes that if I get pulled into negative energies online that I have to smudge my computer screen. I actually do it, believe it or not. I can feel negative energy sticking on me like stinky perfume!

Good luck smudging, goddesses. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do.

 

 

 

Vlog Sacred Tools: Medicine Pouch

Here's another informal backyard vlog on using sacred medicine tools. This time I take you on a quick tour through stuffing my pouch to get ready for an overnight trip. Can you tell I'm in a bit of a hurry to get packed and on the road? I still haven't sorted out how to set up the camera for the best view and so I'll try to work the kinks out there before I make the next one.

I also share a bit of the drum for a teaser of what the trance beat is like when one takes a traditional shamanic journey, as promised. The drum sounds a bit flat on the video, but it actually has a nice deep resonance. If you feel called to find a drum for yourself, be sure to play lots of them. There will be a sound and size that feels just perfect for you.

To learn more about shamanic journeywork, try Michael Harner's Way of the Shaman or Sandra Ingerman's Soul Retrieval. Both detail the purpose of taking shamanic journeys, as well as how they are conducted in a sacred manner. If you'll be attending Call of the Wild, my mixed-media workshop at Squam Art Workshops in September, you'll get a little taste of what the journey is like for yourself.

To learn more about animal totems and begin the path toward integrating the wild creatures into your spirit practice, check out Ted Andrews' Animal Speak or Animal Wise. There are a lot of great card decks that explore animal symbolism, as well, and a quick search at Amazon or your local metaphysical shop will produce colorful options for divining animal wisdom. If you have a great resource for animals, please share it in the comments. Sometimes I find old books at the library on a particular species and that gives a nice depth. We can learn so much from creatures just by observing them, as many of you already do.

I don't think you could see the beautiful purple earrings I'm wearing, but I'm wild about them. They were crafted by Celisa Nalls of MySoulCanDance and when I opened the package, I could feel joy leaping out at me. The adornments we wear, or talismans we're drawn to help tap us into our intuitive nature, too. The creations we make with our hands vibrate with the energy that we bring to the worktable, and that creates a ripple of light that never ends. It's such a blessing to have access to so many gifted and inspirited artisans.

The sacred Lakota corn was given to me by Lauren Luquin of Visionwise. One of the best things about meeting others on this path is that we get to share tools and honor one another with gifts to add to the ever-expanding toolkit for healing ourselves and the Earth.

On my travels to the coast this weekend, I might leave behind any one of the items in my pouch as an offering to the earth. It is traditional practice to leave tobacco as an offering or a tiny crystal, such as the amethyst one I tucked in there. The lavender buds or the corn would also be a nice way to thank the Earth and Spirit for the gifts and healing they bring.

Please consider the comments section a forum for questions and sharing of stories. We all benefit from hearing others sing with their authentic voices.

Thank you for honoring the medicine and howling up this beautiful Wolf Moon we're seeing!

Nor a Cage

 

Hawk has been one of my favorite allies to work with since I started studying shamanism almost a decade ago. They're quite common to spot, it seems everyone has some kind of relationship with this mighty bird. What peeved me so much in the beginning about this solar king is that his messages seem to elude me by asking me to be responsible! How dare he! Each time one would whiz across my patio, hunt my pasture, or perch above the road as I drove by, I would curse it, because I knew that whatever I was toiling with in that moment would only be resolved by going inward for the difficult answer, and not the easy one on the surface.

Hawk has shown up in several of my paintings because I'm constantly turning over the notion of honing the intution. It's become a mantra of mine, and I reckon it's due to the fact that I have become more trusting of my own inner guidance. When he comes around, waving his giant wingspan at me, I know that I'll soon be asked to make a decision or seek clarity about a matter.

Angelica is the herb inside of the bundle above, nesting along a boulder of beautiful blue sodalite. Both of them felt so good in my hands. Angelica smells earthy and a bit like licorice root. Her message was for the seer, in favor of the intuition, of dreamtime. She is akin to St. Michael and I've always made a connection between Hawk and St. Michael, and now I have something to go on.

Have you ever had an issue and had to "sleep on it"? My friend and I were just speaking about our tendencies to allow some of our issues to resolve in the dreamtime. He and I both agreed that some things have to come from so deep within, that we cannot even be awake lest we intervene with the process. There is a sweet freedom that comes with letting the inner wisdom do the work. As I keep hearing myself say aloud, I trust this process.

I so enjoy exploring my relationships with the creatures, and as I make new friends with the Stone People and Plant People, I welcome you to come along and share and learn, too. Mama Earth is so rich with teachings, I feel blessed to live on this beautiful planet with all of them and you, too.

 

I will not be clapped in a hood,

Nor a cage, nor alight upon wrist,

Now I have learnt to be proud

Hovering over the wood

In the broken mist

Or tumbling cloud.

 

-from The Hawk by William Butler Yeats

 

Video: Sacred Tools

I present to thee, sweet goddesses, an informal video introducing a few sacred tools that I use in my practice, including the medicine bundles which are making their ways out into the world. It's a simple demonstration of smudging and a few words about the intuitive process. Enjoy!

 

Self-consciousness is not allowed here at the Jack White School of Vlogging for Coyotes, despite my urge to critique. However, did you catch a quick glimpse of the very cute, cosmic batik-printed, perfect, dread wrap I was donning? I hear tell that Julie Bartel is making some new ones, so perhaps I'll have a link to her shop soon.

Back to sacred business!

In this video, you saw:

White Sage and Cedar Bundles made by Sarah Jane Owen, of PowWowLodge

A sweetgrass braid by Juniper Ridge

Organic Tobacco by Natural American Spirit, though I want to add that dried lavender or other herb you love can be used in it's place.

 

I loved sharing this part of my world with you and have so much gratitude that we get to meet here to stretch and grow together.

 

 

The Splits

Several times in my life I've felt as if a part of me was missing. The first time I recall it was twenty years ago, after the devastating loss of a mate, which triggered all sorts of abandonment injuries, or perhaps reinjuries, to my soul. I felt like the walking dead for many months and I can look back and see how it affected me for years.

Loss comes with regularity now, and each time it happens I can feel how something I no longer need strips away off of me and falls back to the Earth. It drifts lightly down, like a snakeskin. The letting go can be an exhilarating experience when the lessons become clear. When my Grandfather passed last year, it marked the beginning of shedding major layers of stories that had been paining my family for generations. Since I am the keeper of ceremony for my family, I processed those events for us, releasing the pain in solitary rites and gifting them to the Earth for transformation, like a fall dandelion releasing its featherlight seeds to be reborn.

I went to a circle on Friday night, my first with my treasured women since May. Our teacher had moved to the city and is now making her way back home. In an exercise with a partner, in which we stood face to face, then back to back, receiving readings and messages, I felt very open and vulnerable. I could feel the void within me. I felt like I'd been seperated from my twin and in this moment, I was reunited as a tree from which roots shot down into the deep Earth and arms extended to the Sky and grew taller, taller, until I could look down over all of the grove and feel my evergrowing commitment to this work.

I have to say that I left with a lingering feeling that my soul is in a bit of disrepair, and seeking a part of herself that got split off, as if scanning the rubble for the missing bit. I intend to ask for a soul retrieval from someone qualified, to bring in some insights, or I may conduct one by myself. My dreams and experiences this new year all seem to point in the direction of bringing a cleansed aspect back in that somehow got lost in all of that shedding. Since the exercise (that felt more like a healing) I already feel less exposed and more protected, but in a very soft, not-armored way. That thing that was depleting me feels less internally demanding, as well.

I'm enjoying the soft gust of information that comes from sitting in a sacred space, holding the questions and awaiting the download. As I deepen my trust of this process, and hold fast to my intention to allow my body and Spirit to lead the way, my mind is getting a much needed break. It feels a bit floaty-dreamy up here, but I'm in no rush to get back to the ground yet. Maybe when my Mercury goes retrograde on Tuesday. *wink*

Teach Me

Earth teach me stillness

as the grasses are stilled with light.

Earth teach me suffering

as old stones suffer with memory.

Earth teach me humility

as blossoms are humble with beginning.

Earth teach me caring

as the mother who secures her young.

Earth teach me courage

as the tree which stands alone.

Earth teach me limitations

as the ant which crawls on the ground.

Earth teach me freedom

as the eagle which soars in the sky.

Earth teach me resignation

as the leaves which die in the fall.

Earth teach me regeneration

as the seed which rises in the spring.

Earth teach me to forget myself

as melted snow forgets its life.

Earth teach me to remember kindness

as dry fields weep with rain.

-Ute

*******************************

Badger, Spider, and Coyote are in the house.

*yip*

New Year Tarot Spread

Please forgive me for forgetting where this was procured from last year. I did an internet search for New Year Tarot Spread after speaking with my friend Stevie of Owl and Crow about how much she was loving her reading. I did it on New Year's Eve and I have absolutely milked that reading ever single month of this year. It's really helped me with so much, particularly facing fears and staying open. I love the way the reading colored my experiences and guided me through the roughest moments. I started a fresh journal with a card for each page of each of the full moons (instead of the first of the month) and that made it easy to flip back to throughout the year.

I wanted to share it with you, in the event that you may be looking for some new year inspiration. I use a traditional Rider-Waite deck, but any deck will do, and it helps if the images really speak to you. As always, The Spiritual Tarot is my bible for interpreting the Tarot, if you need an awesome helper with a Jungian twist. I'd love to hear what your first card is-last year mine was the Wheel of Fortune, which kicked 2010 off with a surge of creative confidence. I'll be pulling my cards late tonight after an early party.

So here it is, and I send up gratitude for the source, which I cannot recall, but am eternally thankful for. Happy New Year, Healers, Seekers and Storykeepers!

Tarot Spreads for the New Year

**Each New Year provides us the ability to start anew, set goals and with any luck have a better, happier and more prosperous year than the last. However, the previous year may have been filled with challenges, obstacles and changes that have taken the zest out of life leaving some filled with apprehension as to what to expect in the coming New Year.

One way of getting a glimpse into what the New Year has in store for us is through utilizing the Tarot. There are various spreads available specifically geared towards the New Year. One of the most common is called The Zodiac Spread which provides a couple different options to obtain a yearly based reading. The typical Zodiac Spread is similar to the Keltic Cross. This spread looks at different aspects and areas of your life.

To do this spread, pull 13 cards placing them in a circle with the final card being the overall outcome or summary. The cards in each position are as follows:

1. deals with self expression, identity and how you see yourself.
2. represents tangible assets, personal income and earning capacity.
3. governs intellect and communication, family and relatives.
4. rules your home, property and the environment you find yourself in.
5. associated with pleasurable pursuits, romance and fortunate speculative ventures.
6. pertains to your job, working conditions, relationship with co-workers and circumstances regarding your health.
7. refers to partnerships, agreements, business relationships and close personal relationships including marriage and divorce.
8. governs death, rebirth, legacies, inheritances and new beginnings.
9. governs spiritual guidance and self awareness, travel, and often times denotes the best course of action for you to take.
10. describes your goals, ambitions, achievements, desires and success.
11. associated with friendships and affiliations that help to advance your personal goals.
12. denotes anxiety and hidden influences that can cause limitations and unnecessary suffering.
13. final outcome.

Another method of The Zodiac Spread is the month-by-month spread in which you pull 13 cards one representing each month of a the year and the final card indicates the overall general atmosphere you are likely to experience over the coming year according to the influences and elements present at the time of the reading.

Months that have a Major Arcana card land in that position will signify an important month. Any Aces that appear indicate a chance for new beginnings or a fresh start so pay particular attention to those cards and influences.

These are only a few examples but they are quite effective and informative in providing valuable insight into the New Year. And remember this is only an glimpse of possibilities as nothing is set in stone. Should you encounter a card that doesn't really provide clear insight, feel free to use clarification cards to assist the process.

To Your Divinatory Success! **

A Week of Holidays

Medicine Lodge

Sioux Lodge

Saturday night I drove two and a half hours to Pasadena to attend my first lodge in a long time. It was a rainy torrent on the road, but I arrived just on time- to a roomful of strangers, all seeking a polishing of their spirits for the Solstice.

It was a powerful sweat, and a hot one, too. Especially that fourth round. The water-pourer kept that round short, but I could feel the water and all that I was letting go raining off of me in streams at that point, like tributaries flowing generously and sacrificially into the Great Mother.

Let me back up a bit and tell you about what I was really there for.

Midwinter is a traditional time for purification. It symbolizes a housecleaning and detoxification to prepare for the longer, deeper days of winter ahead. Though we celebrate the sun's return, it will be much colder before it gets warmer, in this hemisphere, anyway.

I consider that so many of us are Lightbringers. It is as if we have awoken to our collective purpose of giving away the best of ourselves so that others and the Earth will benefit. Thus, ceremoniously welcoming the Sun back to his seasonal throne, feels affirming to me. It feels a fitting celebration for the creative work ahead.

I went to release grief. Grief of the things which cannot be and that no longer are. Grief that clings and punishes when it has stayed on beyond its healing usefulness.

I was there to release fear, always fear. Because as soon as I think I'm the bravest mama in the world, something new creeps up and scares the holy beejeesus out of me and I have to learn to release that one.

I went to meet up with ego voices and the higher selves of those I share conflict with, to sit with them at the confrontation table of trance and heat, and to listen, and receive an understanding between us, and from higher Selves and guides, about how to proceed.

I went for messages from my ancestors about the things I have no control over- time-related grievances that can only be understood and accepted outside of the castle of time, in the deep and magical forest of trust and *always*.

I've carried many heavy burdens this year, as a year tends to pile up on a being, and this time of Peace on Earth is the perfect occasion to lighten the load and cultivate peace within. I felt called to sit in the lodge as the rain pelted the exterior, chanting and prayer-speaking in unison with fourteen others.

And I went to crawl out.

Exiting a sweat lodge feels like being born. Imagine the energy and heat that accumulates as we are making our way into this world. A Midwinter sweat, with it's focused intention and collective vision charges a lodge likewise. So as anticipated, I crawled out in the end, soaking wet and mostly naked, stopping to bless the Earth and my relations with my forehead to the wet ground, and stepped out into the darkness and cold winter rain outside the flap.

I went to brighten my soul up, release the funk, and ready my skin for the new year. My voice felt and sounded extra clear as I chatted and ate like a horse at the feast afterwards in the kitchen of the Firekeeper, who'd asked me to create a heartbeat while inside with one of his drums, at the instruction of the water-pourer. A huge honor.

A very young first time sweater spoke at the closing circle, saying that when he came in to get dressed, he'd studied himself in the mirror and noticed that something had transformed. His eyes were more...sparkly. He felt alive in a really different kind of way. It's no wonder the ancestors created so many roads to rise up and meet the Spirit. And it's not a bit surprising that so many of us are finding our ways back to them.

The Baba Yaga

Sami storehouse, Stockholm, which bears an uncanny resemblance to the chicken-footed hut of the Baba Yaga.

 

I'm totally headed for the hut again. This time I'm working to expand my toolbelt. I'm currently facing a challenge of rather large proportion that I feel extremely ill-equipped to handle alone-which is the only way I can do it.

I am in the process of creating a list of trials to complete during 2011, which I hope will help me to gain the skills and ego-strength needed to overcome my fierce adversaries. I don't think I'm ready to appear swordless in front of the two-headed dragon, which is how big my fear of this feels at times.

There are many, "I can'ts", "I don't know where to begins" and "Why didn't I get a degree in blahblahblahs", as well as scores more obstacles on the road ahead that I'm already hearing about in a series of strange cartoonish inner voices.

I'll be seperating a ton of black grains from a ton of peas, spinning flax into gold, questing for fire, and collecting the golden fleece. Attempting the impossible-doing the things I never thought I could do. The scary Baba Yaga, flying through the air in her mortar, paddling the air with her pestle, while threatening to eat me alive will no doubt test my courage and trigger my deepest fears.

As the solstice approaches, I'm growing my list of everything to be released. I'll be attending my first sweat in years, since I began having babies and nursing them through, which seems to be another aspect of this transition I've been experiencing between one who has babies and one who is finished having babies. At the top of my list to release at the lodge is that grief. I cry each time (like right now) I acknowledge that I am moving beyond that sacred place. I didn't see it coming when I was in the earlier stages of my mama bliss. It really hit me when I was weaning Ivy back in the summertime.

The body holds on to so much, doesn't it? And the mind spins a story that works to hold on, too. Unravelling those tales to find the meaning underneath is not easy. I'm asking for courage and endurance. I'm asking to stay open and vulnerable.

And so the Winter Solstice preparations begin as the light readies to return to the earth. Change flickers in the lantern, which I carry with me down the wooded road toward Her.

 

 

BLeSS tHe uNbeLieVaBLe mEsSeNGer*

Can you even digest in one reading how profound he was? I never can. Whenever I'm feeling lost, confused, alone or down, I turn to him. And he rescues me from my own distorted thinking. Do you think he knew that his words would reach so far into the future's hearts?

 

WHERE EVERYTHING IS MUSIC

 

Don't worry about saving these songs!

And if one of our instruments breaks,

it doesn't matter.

 

We have fallen into the place

where everything is music.

 

The strumming and the flute notes

rise into the atmostphere,

and even if the whole world's harp

should burn up, there will still be

hidden instruments playing.

 

So the candle flickers and goes out.

We have a piece of flint, and a spark.

 

This singing art is sea foam.

The graceful movements come from a pearl

somewhere on the ocean floor.

 

Poems reach up like spindrift and the edge

of driftwood along the beach, wanting!

 

They derive

from a slow and powerful root

that we can't see.

 

Stop the words now.

Open the window in the center of your chest,

and let the spirits fly in and out.

 

-rumi

 

photo by denise andrade

 

 

(I am opening the window in the center of my chest...to let the spirits fly in and out. I'll tell you how that goes.)

 

photo by denise andrade

Bless

Ceremony

Today is the one year anniversary of the day we put Blue down here on our own property. Her four month run with aggressive bladder cancer had taken over. I think of her every day and I cherish the gifts she brought, and the teachings that really sank in after she crossed over. She taught me so much about being wild, as she was a street stray from south-central Los Angeles.

She came to us wounded and afraid, and we figured out how, in ten years, to become each other's best friends. When I write those words, "wounded and afraid", tears come bursting out of my eyes. I saw how strong and confident she became with some nurturing that she could count on. As I've learned to do this for myself, I see it in me, too. Even in her last weeks, she gently asserted her boundaries in what would be her final acts of self-care.

I also see it in friends who are nursing their own wounds, and family members who are discovering that they have everything they need to be satisfied contained within them. Like a beautiful and magical seed, just waiting for the conscious breath to bring the Self alive and into the light.

Just like Blue. When she shined, which was every day after the one in which she began to trust us, it came out of her pores, her laughing smiles, her joyful gallop through the woods. It was infectious, of course.

 

I'm gathering supplies for a simple ceremony to honor her life:

White sage for smudging ourselves

A handful of Lavender buds because we rubbed it into her fur as she passed last year

A jar of birdseed, our offering to the East, the direction of new beginnings

A drum and rattle to vibrate with the sacred Earth that holds us all while we are here

My necklace which reads "trust" on the front and "always" on the back, because it comforts me in all matters, including grief

 

Ceremony helps me transition into a new place of being with my feelings or to celebrate a passage for myself or someone dear. What I'm wanting today is to honor my friend, to share that process with my children, and to connect with the Earth and all life as this season transitions, too.

If you feel like sharing, please tell me how you use ceremony or ritual to bring vitality to your experiences.

 

 

 

 

Transformation

Many times in my life I have chosen to cling to a symbol, a piece of jewelry, my dad's old coat, that represents where I'm at on my path in this life. There is something about wearing a special something that serves as a reminder of my intention here and the depth of that particular experience.

Tomorrow I'm going to the city, to my cherished, old neighborhood, to sit for a while in the afternoon.

When I walk out into the warm, Los Angeles night, something will have changed. Something not unlike a butterfly which has spent her due time as a liquefied caterpillar.

This year hit like a hurricane in January, (when I declared that my motif would be self-care) with my children and I becoming sick with something as simple as preschool-contracted sinusitis, but that turned for the worse into acute bronchitis, then gave way to hacking asthmatic symptoms that lasted until the very end of June.

Not being able to cure us was very humbling for me.

I had to keep learning again and again and AGAIN that the children and I were going to be okay.

I had to trust.

Two seasons saw me finding my way, my tools, my wings.

Along the road I picked up more trust, and placed it in my reeded basket. I learned some things about myself, gathered some confidence while I kept asking for help, kept trying new remedies, altered our diets, eliminated, added, detoxed, sweat, slept, said no, asked for more time, canceled commitments.

The things I still felt poorly about deep within myself came waterfalling down, out loud. I was losing all control and had to learn how to go on through six months of days not knowing what I was made of, and six months of nights with a baby gasping for breath. Not knowing when we would get better. Or how much I could continue to surrender.

I am crowning myself for the additional things I've overcome, the generational hurts I've ceremoniously healed this year, one of which is over fifty years old. I am honoring that when I get out of my mind and back into my body, my feet, my heart-I can find the surrender necessary to go on, sometimes even joyfully. Because, while I was in the quagmire of shit, I found a goldmine in the fact that I don't have to know.

Building confidence by feeling proud of what we've overcome is a slippery slope. We are told not to be too full of ourselves, not to be too...too...too. Some of us keep our proud moments secret so no one will think we're bragging. We keep our tongues wrapped when we want to shout out about our triumphs. We feel ashamed if giddiness overcomes us when someone notices our possibilities. As my paws have found the road this year, I am letting go of unnecessary thinking, and embracing that when I recognize my power, it smiles back at me.

In honor of trust...and growth, I've chosen to make an exhibit to myself. Not to the world. (I can't take care of myself properly when I care what someone might think about my choices. This has always been so.)

I don't feel one hundred percent at ease sharing these thoughts out loud. But I'm doing it anyway, because to not share would be to do myself a disservice. I am proud of myself. And of you. We both battle for our own confidence each and every day. I see us.

Maybe my exhibit of love for myself will inspire you to wrap yourself up in your own adoring, that you may own how beautiful you are, claim your self-respect, and stand eyes-up in your divine relevance to this spinning orb I love so deeply. 

Aho, and Bless.

And most of all...

Awrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!