Pink Coyote

A Mighty Vision for Mighty Wise Young Women

Many of you know how much I adore Wendy Cook, of Mighty Girl Art (and MotherRising blog fame). She is a sister, a seer, a seeker, a deep listener, and an intuitive wisewoman. It was my pleasure to have her in SouLodge in Autumn and to witness her planting the seeds for an MGA online experience for girls who live outside of her D.C. neighborhood, where live Mighty Girl Art workshops have been taking place in the Mighty Girl teepee for several years now.

One of the reasons my heart is so invested in Wendy's movement for girls -and believe me, it is a movement, by all accounts- is because it teaches girls about their intuition at an age when they can really make good use of it. If you know the Russian fairy tale Vasilisa, you will remember how important it is to honor the intuition in order to survive life's trials as a young woman- and make  meaning out of the lessons which do come. If you are a woman, you might know what it feels like to come late to the mountainous value of your own intuition, as our general culture does not have a  rite passage which marks it. If you are from a culture which does, I want to hear about your experience!)

I feel so strongly about the work that Wendy is doing with tween and adolescent adults that I am sponsoring a 48 hour giveaway for one seat in her Mighty Girl Art Spring e-course for my readers. 

As always, comment to enter, and let me know if you've Facebooked, Tweeted or blogged it so that I can enter you multiple times and increase your chances of winning. 

Wendy has generously noted that if you enroll in the Spring e-course, you can share it with your family (all daughters, mamas and sisters can participate on one pass) and neighborhood tribe. My women's circles and SouLodge have taught me how valuable it can be to do close-work with other women, and this is why I'm so proud that something now exists for girls to begin strengthening trust in themselves, together. 

Wendy can be reached for questions at [email protected]

Don't be shy about asking how you can do this with the girls in your life. The young maidens who have taken her in-person classes in the Mighty Girl tent have come away forever impacted and supported as the beautiful beings that they are, and always will be. I'll be attending, to gather notes for my wee little maiden, and also to reparent myself through the rite of passage I did not receive as a young woman. I'm curious as ever to see what will be moved in me-I'm certain it will be very powerful.

What inspired you to create Mighty Girl Art? Did you have a lightbulb moment when it all came together for you- as an immensely creative being, to integrate what you know, love and believe in with what you do?

Mmmm….It's a long story that spans many years.  From the time I was a little girl I knew that I was a creative soul and over time I learned that it was so intrinsic to my nature that I likened it to breathing…not a want, but a need.  When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always responded, "make art".  As you can imagine, the retort was less than supportive and out of concern it was suggested that I consider something "more lucrative".   I also was very interested in science and in particular, healing and wellness.  So, I ended up working most of my life in the medical field in order to support myself and my creative muse.  I enjoyed my role in wellness.  I met some truly inspiring people from whom I learned a lot about healing.  However, it didn't exactly feel like my calling.  

When I became pregnant with my son I had my first awakening.  Never in my life had I felt so in touch with the power of the feminine force.  It was right around that time when I realized I could no longer work in medicine.  After my son was born I had a fairly solid vision of Mighty Girl Art and planned to launch it as soon as my son was more independent.  

It finally dawned on me that the reason I never found my "calling" in life was because it didn't exist…I needed to create it myself and everything leading up to that moment had prepared me for this role.  

 

What do you most want the women and and girls who are thinking about participating to know about MGA?

We have all heard the expression, “Women’s Intuition”.  This adage spans the ages because it resonates much truth.  Intuition and creativity go hand in hand…you can’t have one without the other.  For women, it’s biological.  We are born with it, but many of us have been conditioned to ignore it.  We were given this gift in order raise, protect and nurture our young.  We can also use it to navigate the world around us, to know ourselves more fully and live our lives with more awareness.  When we make time to explore creative self expression, we come alive, we feel whole.

 

What is the most profound or moving thing any participant has said about their experience with your teachings?

I’m frequently told by moms that their daughters seem lit up in a way that they’ve never seen before, that there is a visible transformation.  I overheard two of the girls chatting about their experience on the last day…one said, “I feel so alive”.…the other squealed, "yes yes I know what you mean".  How beautiful!  THe girls were not only expressing themselves so freely, but they are validating each other as well.

Describe an unexpected thrill you've had hosting these workshops:

One unexpected thrill was an email I received from one of the moms.  She said that she was so inspired by the transformation in her daughter that she converted a room in her home into an "art room" so that her daughter and entire family had a place for creative self expression.  The thought of this family now having a designated space in their home to honor that is very touching.

I view creativity as a sacred tool.  Girls of all ages have a soul need to express themselves creatively, be it art, music, dance, gardening, cooking, poetry etc. because we know intuitively that it's healing, transformative, and empowering.  

I know you well, since our boys were just several months old, and I've seen how much you put into your art, parenting, and Mighty Girl. Nothing slips past you-you're one of the most awakended souls I know, and I know how much you love living on this Earth. Share something about yourself with my readers that will tell them of your passion for what you do:

It is said that friendship is an act of recognition, an ancient knowing.  This is how I feel about our friendship, Pixie.  It is also how I feel about life, motherhood and Mighty Girl Art….it is a process of recognition and ancient knowing.

It so hard for me to put into words, yet it's something I feel deeply…bone deep.  We're all in this together, you know?  We all have different life experiences, stories, and gifts…yet we are all connected.  In ancient times women gathered to share their wisdom, learn how to establish and respect healthy boundaries, practice craft and cultivate skills, to provide council and support, to be seen and heard.  In today's world our young are influenced by the media and a culture that sends harmful and devaluing messages.  If we can create more meaningful practices and opportunities to gather, we can enrich the lives of our children (and our own) with creativity, intuition, power and wisdom. 

As you have so beautifully demonstrated with SouLodge, we can use this new technology and social media as a powerful tool for change, to enrich lives.  If you can't come to the circle, the circle can come to you.  

Wendy, I believe in your work so much. Thank you and bless you for all that you do-the ripple effect is profound, and will lift the spirits of women of all ages long beyond your lifetime. Is there anything you'd like to say in closing?

Yes… I just want to say that if anyone reading this ever doubted the power of the feminine, take a good look around you.  Every person you see on the this planet came here through a woman.  May you smile big for the knowing of this, and dance for joy.

Visit Mighty Girl Art and see the bounty of goodness that awaits for yourself.

Thank you to all who enter the giveaway-and good luck! I maintain that I have the BEST readership in the world...thank you for your boundless enthusiasm for walking a creative, spirited, awakened path.

Aho!

 ***************

Congratulations to Stephinie of GYPSY FOREST who won

the space in Mighty Girl Art's Spring E-Session!

Registration is open until March 16th.

Wilderness Home Companion

Tonight I'm sitting up in bed and setting out to do some writing on a project that is very dear to my heart and a long time comin'. I washed my feet and pampered them with lavender sugar scrub (jarred up by a writerly friend) to ground myself. I smudged with white sage. I gathered my companions, an old journal, a new one, and a notebook from a most inspiring friend. I called out for Hawk, who has shown up to guide me through this process- taking a necessary dose of my own medicine. I brushed my teeth and put in earplugs. I kissed my babies goodnight and now here I am...

In the silence with my heartbeat. Facing the blank canvas. Soft paws ready to do some trekking into unknown territory. I'm beyond feeling trepidation about these sorts of things. My concerns tonight are with the distillation process, will I have access to the place of intuitive wisdom? I've enjoyed helping others to access it for themselves, as I experienced at SAW, but now it's my turn to head down into the hazy, sparkling goldmines. I'm excited.

Light a candle for me down there if you're walking this extraordinary path, too. I'll do the same for you.

Turn to the Harp

There was a time when I was all about doing it right. When I had no other tools other than thinking it through, writing it down, hashing it out, forming opinions, making a decision and going for, or against it.

Again with this turning forty business- is it just me? Or is there a whole life that exists between the lines of logic?

photo by Terri Fischer.

Outside of helping my business test it's wings, paying the DMV their dues, and occasionally checking on my children's hygeine, I find myself hanging onto reason by a neglected thread. Books with decidedly un-western tales of where the divine feminine is hiding seek me out, and it is into these realms that I sail, diving deeper than ever into the place where there is no push, and even fewer answers.

When one side of human nature grows out of balance with the other, it becomes a tyranny on the soul. That is the tyrant Duke Morgan. It drives its complimentary opposite into the unconscious. That is Blanchefleur. But the unconscious will not tolerate this kind of imbalance; we have already learned that the greatest force in the psychic universe is the demand for completion, for wholeness, for balance. The feminine will return. Across the seas, Iseult is waiting. And when Iseult comes, the self-satisfied patriarchal world will never be the same.   --WE, Robert Johnson.

I read a thread of opinions recently that brought into sharp focus how removed I'm becoming from...well, strong opinions! As odd as that may sound. I did not even know how to respond or chime in. I think I would have had plenty to say about a subject like this a few years ago, but I checked in with myself and came up with...yep, nothing.

I'm not trying to come up with nothing. I'm really not. I see myself as having been overidentified with my own inner masculine (animus) for so long, that though I'm not trying to reject this part of myself- but rather bring it into balance with my healthy feminine aspects- at this point in time I have very little use for it. Perhaps because I'm gestating a big project? Maybe. It's quite like being pregnant again and reminds me of how ambivalent I've felt, even at election times-which used to get a hot rise out of me before I had children.

When we moved to the Central Valley of California four years ago, I was full of fear. It was all my rednecked, oil-field laden, pesticided, anti-creative, dustbowl nightmares come true. But something strange has happened, as I've come to realize that where I live is more like the rest of the world than the hidden hippie mountain communities I wish I lived in. What I think I'm learning is that the world needs the kind of healing that isn't happening through politics or lobbying. What I'm learning is that I'm surrounded by people who WANT to heal and who ARE healing, despite appearances that have long left me feeling suspiciously otherwise. Perhaps this is why I don't have many opinions anymore. Basically, I've learned that I don't know shit. *Logically* know.

On another level completely, the deepest recesses of Self that we can touch inside of us, a marriage is trying to take place. The lost and knowing feminine is calling up, and she is dark, mysterious, silent, and ocean wave-like. She is transmuting poison, transforming shadows, applying the salves of the ancients, reminding us that to begin in our own injured hearts is to allow the medicine to trickle out effortlessly. It requires a kind of trust that has, in the past, made me very uncomfortable, because I am a big ole control freak. I've had trouble having faith that I'm protected from within. But I think I'm getting it now. The control freak seems to be a one dimensional warrior who misses his queen and is drenched in longing for her to rejoin him. She is Deep Trust, and she is Unwavering Faith, and she has been all but missing for the first half of my life.

No wonder I'm so eager to embrace her.

Each of us needs the sword power. There are times when we need to be logical and analytical. At times, we must be assertive and strong. But there are also times when neither logic nor force will avail; then we need to turn to the harp.  --WE, Robert Johnson.

 

photo by Stacy de la Rosa.

week of goodness

and again, i'm posting extremely informally here as i am sacked another day. thank you for your patience. i've been taking a few days off from "working", meaning proper blogging, making new product, completing some paintings and projects that deserve my attention, but are in fierce competition with the glowing, warm, sunlight and cheers of children wanting to spend the day outside in the garden and jumping on the trampoline. i'm taking a break from making custom medicine bundles at this time and just allowing the season to sweep me up in it's welcome and take a rest. so hard for me to do, so i'm going with it.

what i have to offer is just a sample of what we've been doing this week so far...

serenade by night.

exploring by day.

new skirt shopping when no one's looking.

teeter friends from afar.

brown eye gazing.

hunky dorries in the trampoline.

leapin' mama stacy!

beautiful visitors in the playhouse.

mint and chip.

birthday cake.

chocolate for the purist.

mini cone. no really. that's all i ate.

stoned.

 

 

burning woman*

i'm too tired to capitalize, i'm sorry, friends. my beltane weekend away brought so so much teaching, movement and unexpected growth. best moments were cackling it up under the stars around a fire with some amazing women who traveled a long way to play with me and my local wild women. most surprising was coming home a day early to tend to my own homefire.

here is a photo journal of some of my favorite moments...

the day began with picking up my cohorts and going out for the absolute BEST veggie burgers and fries ever in the world at r&d, on montana ave. in santa monica. if you're in the neighborhood, do not pass them up. the food is magical. i wish i'd snapped the mascarpone and berries for you to drool over.

 

terri working her henna skillz on kirsten.

and again on julie...

 

beach shenanigans, which involved wine drinking and cheerleading jumps in the ocean.

terri, kirsten and julie.

photo by terri

altar building

talking stickin'

tarot card readin'

it was a weekend of laughter and merriment, but also one of deep emotional processing and exhaustion. it is said that beltane is all about fertility, may day, as it were. i would say we covered some pretty fertile territory, unearthed some deep roots, shifted our perspectives and learned a lot about what we have to let go. what i tried to bear in mind on this adventure was to know what i needed and ask for what i want. isn't that sometimes the hardest thing to do? to claim what's already yours-and to stand in the confidence of that decision?

i plan to go camping (or glamping as one husband had referred to it, as his wife journeyed toward) each beltane and for every natural holiday that i possibly can. i love that there is purpose in these days that mark mid-spring and solstices, that there is a history there to add to the toolkit for growing and learning. sometimes the lesson is to sit still and stop growing! and i embrace those teachings, too, as i tend to get easily obsessed with movement. however, this time movement swept me up and away without warning, and through the eye of a very small needle.

i hope that your holy day of fires on the mountain found you releasing the old and making way for the new, in one way or another, dramatically or softly.

Beltane Getaway and Interview with Stephanie Ladd

I'm off again to the central coastlands of my native California, this time as a magical group of eight to celebrate the season of Beltane, which begins May 1st and marks the mid-point between Spring and Summer. Light your own mighty fire for fertile prosperity and I'll tell you all about my adventure when I return.

The Goddess Maia, Queen of May.

I've interviewed someone precious to me to hold you over until I come skipping down the lane, flower garlands and maypole streamers clinging to my gown. I digress.

What I love most about Stevie Ladd, of Owl and Crow, is that she has fearlessly created something she'd always had in her. Her book, In the Lap of the Goddess: Connecting with the Divine Feminine, contains the meaty questions we've all been faced with-the ones that seem to come up again and again, but she takes you down into the deeper levels for new insights. I'm so proud to share her with you.

Enjoy!

 

What inspired you to create your SoulWork book, In the Lap of the Goddess: Connecting with the Divine Feminine?

Since I moved from California to North Carolina almost 3 years ago, I was determined to find a more creative way to do my work as a psychotherapist. I wanted to open up more as a writer and artist and find a way to bridge the two.

Both you and Leonie Allen have inspired me in the way you have built a strong following through your blogs and have created your art and other products that are so tied into who you are and your evolutionary process. It's so fun to watch and be a part of. I ordered Leonie's Creating My Goddess Year e-book and got inspired to write my own e-book about my favorite subject from an archetypal psychology point of view.

So I designed this book to be interactive, to help women plumb their own depths and find their way into the lap of the goddess by doing soul work.

Can you tell me more about what you mean by soul work?

I mean the deep questioning and exploration of our psyches, our purpose, life's meaning, our past, present and future. Ultimately, it is the work of connecting to our Self, with a capital S. And our higher Self is but a reflection of the divine feminine--the goddess of your choosing, or the goddess that chooses you.

I love the idea that a goddess figure would choose me to work with her. Which one called to you first as you went about beginning this book?

Well, when I got to North Carolina, I kept meeting Yemaya. Rob (my husband) had brought back a handmade Yemaya doll from New Orleans about 10 years ago and she had been packed away for a long time. I put her on my altar in my studio in North Carolina, surrounded by shells and other things I found at the ocean.

Yemaya is a mermaid and I kept being drawn to mermaids. At the same time, I was feeling this oceanic, watery energy calling me to create and flow. I made several dolls, SoulCollage® cards, and a shadow box, all with mermaids. I started looking into Yemaya's qualities and realized she was a Creator archetype and that's what was being activated in me. I started this book with her guiding me, acting as a muse. I feel I have gotten to know her quite well and have a relationship with her that helps me feel guided and protected.

What other goddesses make appearances in the book, and what drew you to them or them to you?

Kali was actually the first goddess I did a chapter on because I needed to clear out some old garbage before I could move forward with Yemaya and the book I had started. I had gotten stuck and needed help.

Remember how our teacher, Irene, used to say that when she created her retreats, whatever theme she chose she had to go through it herself, as she was preparing to teach it? That's what happened with me. I had to face some old creative blocks, so I worked with Kali, the Destroyer goddess, and she helped me burn up these fears and let go of some old ways of seeing myself and my work.

I've been exploring the Triple Goddess since I got here, too. I chose the Greek triple goddess represented by Persephone, the Maiden, Demeter, the Mother, and Hecate, the Crone because I love their story. The maiden and mother have been strong with me as I have watched Chloe (my daughter) transform from a 12-year-old girl when we first moved here, to a young woman of 15. There's been a little grieving involved with that, and I've revisited and healed some more of my own relationship with my mother in the process.

And then I've got one foot in the Mother and one foot in the Crone since I had Chloe late in my childbearing years. So Hecate has helped me own the wild woman and the wise woman. I love her magical, witchy, medial nature. She is truly the dragoman of the Soul.

What do you hope women will come away with by doing the exercises in your workbook?

I hope they will have an experience of how the goddess lives within them. I offer suggestions for rituals, totems, and altars so they can work with the goddess not only internally, but externally. It's important to create and surround yourself with likenesses of her when you work with goddess energy to make it a richer, deeper experience.

I've used a lot of pictures in the book because images are the language of the soul. Metaphor and archetypes allow us direct access to the soul as well. So I'm hoping women will have fun exploring some themes of feminine psychology through the goddesses presented in these pages. It's really a stepping stone, a way in. They can then take the relationships they develop as far as they want. I hope to expand on these goddesses more over time.

Who is likely to get the most out of your book? What does this reader look like? If I may be so bold to ask.

I think fearless women who like to journal and create will especially enjoy getting to know themselves better through these goddesses, and those who want to discover or explore their inner yearnings and their own divinity.

I'm starting to feel like Oprah here. How do we get the workbook? Because I want it now. It's Kali the Destroyer my inner wild woman needs to hang with. I've already been chosen! I know my wild self is tied to experiencing Kali as a creative-destructive-creative superhero, embodying the Life-Death-Life cycle I write about so much here.

It's available for download as a PDF on my blog, on the order page for In the Lap of the Goddess. You can buy single chapters, or the whole book to download and print.

I'll have copies ready to mail by May 20, and accepting preorders now, but if you order it before then, it's $22 instead of $24.

And there are 3 free audio versions of the guided journeys in the book that anyone can download and listen to available on my blog.

Ooh, I'm exploring your order page now-well done. Easy. I love it. I'm so excited about this book, and I'm loving that you're offering it as a PDF. All I need is more paper around here. Thank you for doing that-being as green as can be. I may want to print some of the goddesses images and hang them about, however. What else can you share with us?

I would love to know how women use the book, and what they get out of it, so feedback is welcome.

And thank you, my dear friend, for featuring me on Pink Coyote and sharing my book with your wonderful circle of wild, creative and fearless women.

Yip! Awroooooo!

Stephanie Anderson Ladd is a Marriage and Family Therapist, SoulCollage® Facilitator, and an amazing, awakened wild woman living her creative life in Chapel Hill, NC. I call her Stevie, as all of her sisters do. All I needed to know about trust, relationship and communication began with our longs talks and mountain walks, during what seems like a lifetime ago. Everyone needs a Stevie. I know I do. I hope you'll be as inspired by her work and stories as I am.

Pan de Cielo

Being with real people who warm us, who endorse and exalt our creativity, is essential to the flow of creative life. Otherwise, we freeze. Nurture is a chorus of voices both from within and without that notices the state of a woman's being, takes care to encourage it, and if necessary, gives comfort, as well. I'm not certain how many friends one needs, but definitely one or two who think your gift, whatever it may be, is pan de cielo, the bread of heaven. Every woman is entitled to an Allelujia Chorus.

-Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With the Wolves.

Rite of Passage: The Goddess of Calamity Meets Venus

photo by the boho girl, denise andrade.

I picked Denise up in front of her home on Saturday afternoon. Rain had threatened to cancel the playdate we'd made a month earlier, and the best gift that we *concerned* Virgos could have been given was to let go of our expectations and agree to meet anyway-that there would be something magical simply in the act of showing up and surrender. The weather turned out to be just perfect, and the meadow we spread our picnic and props out in was earthy and the grass begging to be laid upon.

the extraordinary boho

I came to this project with simple photographic goals in mind-to freshen my website up, and to be able to provide professional photos for the projects I'm working on which require grown-up bios unlike my snarky in-the-moment self portraits.

But I also brought along a need to integrate some of the archetypes I've been working with all year. I had a loose idea of a visual and journalistic approach to aspects that show up as motifs in my life. I brought my favorite memories of my grandfathers, both having passed on this year (one in Spring, one in Fall). I carried Wild Woman with me, the wild canines, and my connection to the earth and how she has helped to heal me. I brought color and playfulness, femininity and strength. I even brought vulnerability along on the four hour drive south.

photo by denise andrade.

I trusted that Denise would help me overcome my suspicious and cameraphobic furrow lines, the things which cause nearly every photo taken of me to look like I'm constipated or being solicited to by a door-to-door salesman. My brief experience of her talents a few years ago dazzled me. I wouldn't take no for an answer as I sought no one else for the job. With a bit of flattery and some begging, I was thrilled to pull her out of Cedar sabbatical and coerce her to shine her mad skillz on my self-conscious being.

I digress as I write this because my feeling is that I'm going to try to tell you how she nurtured me and loosened my uptight places- taking great care to make every shot count, -my fear is that I won't be able to articulate satisfactorily what a day of self-care it was. I loved her art technique; her ability to see the composition and make decisions that were important to me, because she has an incredible way of listening to the artist she's working with and sensing her way through the work. It was like a spa day in that we made it relaxing, fun, luxurious -and as artists, we were both able to experience beauty in a way I never had before. My own beauty-egadzooks.

The truth is that I didn't feel very beautiful when I got to her. I'd washed my dreads the night before and they were extremely fluffy and crazed. I was hot and cold, drank too much caffeine on the way down, I felt sweaty and clammy, I'd forgotten the makeup that I wanted to bring. I was learning more than I wanted to know as I drove along about what makes me feel insecure, and more about what I still feel perfectionistic about (the weather, wearing mascara), negative image issues (I have a zit! Don't reveal too much of my stretched out baby belly! Try to avoid shooting the crows feet-nay, the crows have been stomping around my eyes since Ivy was born-do you really need my eyes in the photos?). It was always going to be so much more than collecting photos to update my professional portfolio, wasn't it?

Because I have a connection to the beloved Boho girl, I trusted that our co-creation would be deep and soulful, and honoring of the divine process of opening up the bits I yearned to share. I craved for someone to look at me without judgement, so I could learn to do it more, too. I felt comforted and eased by how she adored and nurtured me. As with my Blessingway before Miles was born, it unfolded to be one of those landmark moments in the history of my life where a rite of passage occured...so naturally.

With Denise holding space and faciliatating, I experienced embracing my own wild feminine, the me that is full of vitality, strength juxtaposed with vulnerability, and the beauty of my own life-a reflection of all life.

It was very powerful to gain this tool in the context of our day of retreat together. I'm on a mission to find more ways to embrace the wild feminine archetypes that bring me inspiration in my creative work and within my family. So my date with Denise was seriously like dancing with Venus on the day of her birth, and it seemed to bring a ceremonious close to my thirty ninth year on this orb-one that has been full of transformation, releasing and stepping into a more light and surrendered life of comfort in my own skin.

  

photo by denise andrade.

Just as we stood up to drink one more slug of wine out of our little metal cups, the coyotes began to sing up through the canyon. Dark was falling over our sacred gypsy campsite, and two women who had created something lovely together, received one more blessing-the last of so many that day... straight from the wild ones themselves.

 

 

What It Was Like

This month I had the incredible opportunity to sublet a corner of an artist's studio in Los Angeles. While working on the pieces for ETA 8, I was able to feel what it was like to work in a space meant for getting down to business. The space belongs to Gus Harper, a sweet and extremely gifted artist, who was kind enough to allow me to jump on the bandwagon with a few other prolific creatives and utilize his workspace while he was away on summer travels abroad.

I love this video of Gus at work on one of his grid paintings:

I drove a three hour round trip to get there, and put in about eight hours a day while I was there twice a week. Sometimes I wore my headphones, blasting my favorite energetic painting mixes, or I'd put in a pair of earplugs to get that ambient seashore sound to really get into a trance.

One of the benefits of being there was that there is little-to-no art movement in the town in I reside in. So to work among such motivated creatives, such as my spacemate and friend Christine was very inspiring. A set designer came by one day and bought four of our pieces straight off the walls, bound for a new midseason series soon airing on FOX. So L.A.-so fun.

Having lived there for eleven years, I recall the energy of being in a city like this. It was great fun to come home to peace, after thriving and energizing amidst the urban chaos-the best of both worlds.

It was really splendid to not care about spilling paint on the floor, being able to get really messy, leave my table set up covered in disorganized madness and know that no one in my home would be bothered by it or painting the walls when I wasn't looking. I was also able to play more, put some time into experimenting with textures and colors with all of the time I had, rather than feeling pinched to work only after the children's bedtimes.

It was an unforgettable and productive experience, one I hope to be able to create again before the holidays.

Juice

I have to report that I am LOVING working in a neighborhood where there is food this good and this good and this good. The Argentinian jewel is literally 2 skips down from our beautiful blue building and oh. my. goddess. Heaven in an empanada! How I love your flaky outer and spicy oniony innards.

I've also become smitten with another blogger and am so inspired by a post called resistance -by Monica of Holistic Mama. Her outlook on the shadow sides of the astrological elements did something for me. My chart is very earthy and there's no water anywhere in it, I now have another way of looking at this issue with vulnerability that I have. Shedding, flowing...moving around the obstacles without strife, yes. All part of this leg of life for me. With each great wide opening comes inevitable vulnerability against which I tend to brace first and surrender second.

The work is materializing. It is coming forth with it's very own voice and messages. I notice that about 60% of the way through a creation, I no longer have much say in what the meaning or messages are. I am asked to step out of the way and so I do, though not without concerns about consistency as an artist, color palette issues, my connection to the work, very superficial ego stuff.

B and I watched Sherlock Holmes last week and I was surprised, no, shocked, that I (media hermit) had no clue that it was a Guy Ritchie film. When I saw the credit, the style of his films came rushing back one at a time and I had an even greater appreciation for his storytelling consistency and flair. I wondered about my own expressions. And then had to let those questions go. Because no matter how I see my work, I know that no one else sees it as myopically as I do. And, does it really matter, in the end? No. Of course it doesn't.

I spoke with a blogging mama bud this morning and we discussed how with our first child, there was a fear (at least there was for me), and an anxiety about getting everything just right for him. I poured myself into motherhood like a healthy smoothie into a tall, clear glass with the confidence that only an overzealous (nut) new mother has. When Ivy came to me, I felt an ease and a surrender. Surrender to the madness of having two, surrender to the fact that I would likely not be birthing any more children. Welcoming the completion with a sniffle, but jumping right into my creative pool, as well. The evolution of family, art and self truly fascinates me.

I enjoy being on this path so much. With each day that I get to wake up safe and healthy, mother my children the way I choose to, make art that means something to me, and swim in the juice of my cherished relationships, ...well...this is a very, very good day to live.

Summering

For the last week, the children and I have been staying at a friend's house near San Diego. We make an annual pilgrimage here to beat the heat, but most importantly because it is a tradition.

Each year our friends, affectionately known as "the twins", have their birthday, and we head down for what is always an amazing time away. It gives me a taste of living communally, traveling alone with *two*, and of managing my own self-care as I navigate being out of my own home territory for longer than usual.

I love that we have this tradition, and that our friend's doors are open to us. I'm so grateful for this message which has been coming through so loudly from so many of your comments in my last post. It's so very lovely to feel so welcome...thank you. I'm so excited by this journey and being away from home has given me ample time to develop more questions and answers about how to go about it.

Returning in a few days, we're just going to have a bit more time in the water and sun before heading home where my mind and my worktable are piled high and deadlines are looming.

But I'm not going to think about it until Wednesday....

The Argonauta

(Quick Shop Announcement: I'm carrying the four free postcards offer through the Mother's Day holiday... Come shopping!)

"Not that my life will ever become like this day-a perfect one plucked out of a holiday week; there are no perfect lives." -Ann Morrow Lindbergh, A Gift From the Sea

*****

 

 

 

 

Spending twenty five hours with a beloved, easy friend lessens the load and heals the soul. Magical, colorful gardens, healing stones and salty waters, deep breaths, lovely conversation, amazing wine, delicious meals...spirit food. This mini-retreat was just what I needed.

I do feel so much better and am hoping that this week finds my family and I further down the road to recovery.

Ivy seemed to do very well for me being away from her for the first night in her life. She and her boys stuck close to home and while she did ask for "nee-nee" a few times, her daddy reported that she was high in spirit and cheerful. I had to hand express several times into the sink at the inn, both hilarious and painful, and then download a major milk delivery once I arrived home. A relieved mama and grateful baby were reunited!

If you aren't familiar with the chapter called Argonauta in A Gift From the Sea, I would be happy to share about it with you. Curious?

I hope you had a lovely Beltane holiday and that all of your flowers are blooming....

******

"We run bared-legged to the beach, which lies smooth, flat, and glistening with fresh shells after the night's tides. The morning swim has the nature of a blessing to me, a baptism, a rebirth to the beauty and wonder of the world. We run back tingling to hot coffee on our small back porch. Two kitchen chairs and a child's table between us fill the stoop on which we sit. With legs in the sun we laugh and plan our day". -AML

Creative Spirit

Sweet, spirited, Lauren of VisionWise is giving away this necklace this week, called Creative Spirit. I have two of Lauren's necklaces and also commissioned her to make a very special hemp and stone bracelet for a new Daddy in the clan recently, and I have been so happily thrilled with her work. She is a very special fire mama who puts amazing energy into her *works*. Stop in and enter!

I spent the entire evening clearing out my art studio and adding more to the donation pile-this time many, many skeins of unloved yarn. I've freed up my bins and organized them, which makes my little, obsessive-compulsive brain do a very happy dance.

My desktop could still use a bit of help, but it didn't stop me from working on a postcard for a student pen pal project I volunteered for. So nice to create for kids.

And when creativity is flowing, it seems to be flowing everywhere in this house. I love Miles obsession with globes. He has long loved drawing the planets, but lately he's been putting them all on stands! Dig the volcanic explosion happening down south.

Additionally, I'm intrigued this week by The Artistic Mother, by Shona Cole and Found City, by Keri Smith. Must make a found city with Miles!

Shona's recent article at Wishstudio, titled Art Makes Us Better Moms deserves a read.

Spring Offerings

It seems that this corner of bloggieland is aflame with energy of new Spring ideas that are sure to wake up the wintry consciousness! I'm so excited to see my sisters declaring their work and rolling up their sleeves to make a difference in their own lives, as well as others.

Here are some exciting offerings:

Christina Sbarro, of My Topography is using Kickstarter to fund her creation called A Field Guide to Now. I can't wait to see what she can do with this project! Watch her beautiful video and I dare you not to burn up with curiosity about what she can teach you.

Registration will soon be closing on Kate Swoboda's e-course, Your Courageous Life. I had the pleasure of speaking with Kate for an interview last week, and she has some very practical tools in store for those ready to step it up a notch and start taking some risks in 2010.

Karen Maezen Miller is having a scrumptious giveaway of two copies of her new book, Hand Wash Cold. She also has a gorgeous, soft, thoughtful video posted that has inspired me to start some laundry tonight.

Time is closing in on Squam Art Workshop's Spring Session, complete with Ravelry dames, for those who love handcrafting and textiles.

The  time is now to jump into wishstudio's Virtual Art Retreat, which is PACKED with classes, goodies and discounts on art supplies. Mindy Tsonas, the innovator behind wishstudio is just about to blow the doors off of the e-course format and I bow to the goddess of virtuality each time I visit her!

And this little fantasyland is my new favorite place to play! Stop in and dream with us at Imaginary Commune...

Go! Build your toolkit!

And More Goodness

True Love

So much love on the surface of this place, and all around...

Writing a New Story

Today's feature is a guest post by my friend, Christine Miller. What I've come to know about Swirly is that she is always willing to change. Please enjoy her offering.

Christine and Charlie.

When I think of my history with pets, most stories feel loose and frayed, with straggly threads hanging down like a scarf that was never finished.  I’ve shared time with a number of different animals, but there was only one whose death I experienced firsthand – a gerbil named Scooby.  His breathing became irregular, the vet said it was pneumonia, and the next day he died when I was trying to give him medicine.  I was in the fifth grade, and I’m not sure I even cried.  I had by then developed a certain level of stoicism thanks to a domineering father; if the loss of my tiny pet created an outpouring of grief, I have no memory of it.

 The rest of my pets came into my life and were somehow abruptly removed, so my experience of their deaths was always at arm’s length.  A German Shepherd named Charlie died after my parents divorced and he stayed with my father; two cats my college roommate and I adopted went with her after we graduated, so their passing was shared with me years later in a letter.  With other dogs and cats, the story is the same – I had them for a while, then some circumstance or event took them away – so I have yet to take a journey with a pet from the beginning of its life to the end besides Scooby.  That was more than thirty years ago.

 My husband and I have decided – after months of discussions about it – to get a dog, and as excited as I am about this, I am also fearful that I am not up to the task, that I will somehow let this animal down and not be able to stay in its life and ensure a peaceful passing when the time comes.  Going deeper, I am also terrified of what that experience will be like.  Will I be able to handle that loss?  How can I let myself get attached to such a loving creature, knowing I will likely have to say good-bye to it in just over a decade?  It is a wide open territory of unknowns, and I am afraid I will somehow fail.

 This is one of those situations where I could easily talk myself out of it – we’re too busy, it’s a big responsibility, I travel too much, etc.  And while all those things might be true (we are busy, it is a big responsibility, and I do travel quite a bit), I know that they are not reason enough to not get a dog.  If I use them to justify remaining safely pet-less, then all I’m really doing is giving in to my fears, and if I do that, I’m letting down this creature before we’ve even met. 

 I know our dog is waiting for us right now.  I can feel it in my bones.  When I think about bringing this animal home, training it, feeding it, walking it, and loving it, it makes my heart swell, and then it makes me weepy.  For I already have so much love for our dog, and I’m already dreading the day I have to let it go.  But then I see that this is precisely why it is time for me to take an emotional risk and bring this responsibility into my life.  It is time for me to make this commitment, to trust that I will be able to follow through with it, and give our dog a warm, safe home as well as a peaceful, quiet passing.  For in between the day we bring it home and the moment we have to let it go, there will be love and frustration, long walks and snuggling, learning to sit and cleaning up poo, and opening my heart that much more.

Winners + New Work

While I was pilfering purloining* old candy from the Halloween bag, ("I think it's time to throw this thing out while everyone is at the park...oooooh-Crunch bar!"), I used random.org to pick two winners for the prints!

CROW goes to Heather of Bumblebird

OWL is for Gem of Droplets of Devotion

Send me an email with your shipping address so I can send you your goods, m'dames!

Thank you all for playing! I will be doing a card giveaway this week, so come back and play again and try your luck at the wheel of fortune.

It's been a long weekend of parenting and cleaning up around here, leaving me low on resources. The too much information version includes me drinking a bit of Guinness to replenish my milk supply, after using a homeopathic remedy for a sore throat that left me all dried up! I have had to resurrect this milk from the dead twice now! The good news is that no caffeine + fenugreek + plenty of B vitamins + beer = abundant milk for the baby goddess. At eight months, she still won't take a bottle, so I do the straw trick or give her fluids with a dropper, slip raw milk into her porridge...shenanigans, basically. She did show some promise on the Nuby sippy cup today (Thank you Julia). I'm taking a workshop here on Friday to learn more about healthy prep of food beyond pureed mush. Three years of solids for Miles, and one memory gone missing means I'm reinventing the food wheel here!

It's all good. Deep breath.

I'm elated to have had a clock rotation or two to work in the studio and begin a new series I've been anxious to get started on.  This piece is the first to be finished. 

 

Pink Fox, 6x6 on cradled birch board, 2009.

I tried to talk (and paint) her into any color but pink and she wouldn't hear it. Something she said about the heart...

Fox is so prominent for me right now. I feel she represents what is growing in my world, in our world. She brings enchanting stories of possibility with her, of the healing energy that makes giant creative leaps possible. In our tribe, Fox is a symbol of family, and the unity and commitment we share as a group. This little one carries a message of what we can experience when we gather together in sacred trust and kinship. I sense that she is off into the woods to have a secret tryst with her comrades, to share stories and learn about herself and the world by communing with her friends.

Prints are in the shop and the original is going to hang around a bit until I feel I've heard all she has to say. I feel a postcard in the making, too.

Aho! This is my offering to you! Be well this chilly week...

*p.s. I want to thank Amy Dolich for expanding my vocabulary.

Friday Share

This {sweet creature share} has been brought to you by Wendy Cook, of MotherRising!

Monday, September 18, 2006
Self Portait With Elephant
"Ask for what you want, and be prepared to get it." - Maya Angelou

I had a childhood dream to do a self portrait with an elephant (I just 
adore elephants) and after a previous encounter with an elephant named 
Siri at the local zoo, I decided to "ask for what I want". I'm not 
religious, I don't pray to God. I "communicate with life", as the 
character Maude, in one of my favorite films (Harold & Maude) said. I 
emailed the director of the zoo, and after our phone conversation he 
agreed to grant me my wish. I knew I would need an assistant because 
once I set up the camera and framed the shot, I wouldn't be able to 
push the button. I asked a friend if she would be my "button pusher" 
and she agreed to do it. (Then my husband took Satch and me to a 
little mexican joint for a celebratory dinner...cheese 
enchiladas...Satch loves 'em!)

And THIS is what I plan to teach my son: If you have a dream, a 
vision, a wish, an idea...try to make it happen. Never be afraid to 
ask for what you want.

Saturday morning we drove up the service entrance of the zoo and 
walked to the elephant barn. It was quiet and we could smell the scent 
of animals as we approached the barn. Once inside, we saw Siri and I 
was amazed by how much larger she appeared indoors than outdoors. 
Walls and a ceiling give a different perspective. Mick and John, her 
handlers, greeted us and took us to the yard. It was overcast, but I 
took a quick look at the sky to make sure that the sun would be behind 
the camera and set up the equipment while John went to get Siri. A few 
moments later, they appeared. She was magnificent with wise, amber 
eyes. With Siri in the view finder, I adjusted the tripod, set the 
camera, and framed out the shot. I let her sniff me before I 
approached her. Then I wrapped my arm around her leg and stroked her, 
leaning my body against hers. She leaned back...an elephant hug. It 
reminded me very much of how a dog leans into you when you're petting 
it. Her skin was both rough and soft like velveteen tree bark. I could 
smell her breath, hot and sour like wet hay on a summer day....her 
skin, earthy, musky, mammalian. She was gracious and patient while the 
photos were taken and we thanked her for both the photos and the 
wondrous experience. We thanked the handlers too and after John 
brought Siri back to the barn, I asked him a few questions about her. 
I learned that we have a few things in common:

Siri: 39 years old (but believed to be in her early 40's based on her 
characteristics);9,600 lbs; vegetarian; likes jelly beans; She is an 
artist. (Is it any wonder that I was drawn to her?)

Wendy: 42 years old (but believed to be an old soul); 110 lbs; 
vegetarian; likes Jelly Bellies; Also an artist.

We walked back to the car still absorbing our magical experience with 
the scent of the wild on our skin and our clothes.

Namaste, Siri...from one who loves elephants.

"They are incorrigible tons of strength and harmony. Their hide is 
ancient, their eyes sweet, they roll in dust to cool off, they make 
their own showers. They know how to frolic out under the sun. They're 
learners. They do not forget, and they don't hold grudges." -Bradford 
Morrow (A Bestiary)

It's Only For Now

Thank you all for your comments about Blue and our loss yesterday. Such heartfelt messages have kept us warm through the night. Bless!

It's odd how this whole thing has hit me. I hadn't known what to expect when Blue was diagnosed and I had almost two months to prepare for her leaving us. The oncologist gave her one to four months, the day after we returned from Squam. Time is so deceitful when you're waiting for your loved one to die. What is a month? A tiny blip on the screen.

I've felt guilty some. When I look at the many photos of her I've snapped in the past few weeks, but especially those from yesterday, I try to read her face to see what she may have been saying that I didn't catch. She stares back at me, laughing in some of them, pained in others. How could she be so full of grace and dealing with the unholy takeover of her body at the same time?

Tonite, during snuggle, Miles told me he was ready for her to come back and sobbed and said that she was never coming back. I'm thankful he can discern his feelings. We talked about where or what she might be, as he's always had this spirity way of asserting his ideas of reincarnation, something we've never discussed with him. He thought she might be in another galaxy, a scrub jay, a rainbow, a falling leaf, kissing gophers. As he mentioned these possibilities, his mood seemed to lighten. Mine did, too.

When I asked him about where he got the notion that when beings cross over they come back as something else, he said, "This is what I know". It is EXACTLY what he said when I asked him the same question about a year ago. And what I find peculiar is that he seldom repeats himself verbatim. There's always a fresh twist. Except with this.

 

It's Only For Now You Know, Hidden Eloise.

Vegging out on Etsy tonite (my kind of painkiller), I came across this item from my favorites and stuck it right in my cart. I love Hidden Eloise and have bought from her before. She's a delightful little spirit and I love the emotion of the characters in her paintings. I also bought one from Amy Blackwell, who's work I can't get enough of. I'll share it when it comes in. 

November is an easy month to be grateful in. The heart seems to settle in contently for a short time just before the Christmas rush, doesn't it?

I'm so grateful for the way Blue loved me. I'm so grateful to know that I am not alone.

Sweet Dreams, Friend

Oh, Blue. Today was truly the hardest day I've ever lived. Deciding to allow you to return to the earth felt like the right thing to do, and then you'd smile that famous smile and breathe that hot breath and I would spin right back into the questions. Because of your type of cancer, we couldn't let you decide on your own. It would have been extremely confusing and painful for you.

I'm so sorry if you felt any confusion tonite at all. Lying under the sycamore tree with you and smelling your coat, I wanted to stop the world from going around just to make that moment last forever. And ever. And ever.

Your ceremony was lovely, the smell of sweetgrass lingering around us. Miles rubbed his hands in lavender and then petted you for a long time. I put a seashell in your travelling bundle, to remind you of the fun we've had at Rincon Beach and to encourage you to find water to cool you on your journey. Dad read Old Coyote, and it was helpful in the moments to follow for us to know that you were dreaming yourself into a whole new world.

In the garden, the doctor gave you the strong medicine we talked about. You crossed over, and our living room lights mysteriously came on in the house. I could feel that your spirit had left your body. I imagined you chasing a gray squirrel up a tall pine tree, running along trail with your dainty paws, and lying down in a creek somewhere, look of euphoria on your soft, dark grey lips. I could have kissed you for hours.

I'm so grateful for how protective you were of the cradle when Miles was born. You were so patient with all children and other dogs. You never had to growl or bite anyone to let them know you were queen. Ever the confident goddess, you've taught me so much.

We miss you deeply. I've already walked by your bed several times and it seems disorienting that you aren't in it. I'm lonesome for your hugs, your breath, your friendship. I'm so grateful we got to spend ten years together.

Thank you for your loyalty and love, beautiful creature. You will be in my heart forever.

Love, Mama

Rare

Photo courtesy of Bill Roth.

Some believe that when white animals, like the moose pictured above, are born, they signify the coming of a time of unity.  What exactly is expected for the future cannot be known, but doesn't it seem as if new, meaningful communities are being born with more frequency?

I feel a great pull to gather in groups of safe people to share ideas, art and stories, to learn, and to teach. It feels like an intuitive decision, one which requires little logical thought. This explains why I jump at every chance I get to circle with those I adore: believing that we are all gifted is much more important than believing that only a few are gifted. Gathering is a reminder that we are not alone as we find our way through the thickets.

I am fortunate to know a woman who is bringing artists closer together because she feels a strong calling to do so. She does it with such grace and humor and she's loved by everyone who comes to her *camp*.

I've spent a couple of weeks trying to find words to say thank you to her. And I can feel tears fogging over my eyes and lumps forming in my chest when I think about how grateful I am to have met her. Maybe it's because she gives from such an authentic place within her, or because she understands deeply, even though she makes no claims to have walked the exact path. Or perhaps it's her ability to gently hold the dreams of so many in her vision.

Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that she helped me achieve what seemed like an impossible feat at first, without one single word of caution or projected worry about bringing my family to SAW. She believed in me one hundred percent and cheered my family on wholeheartedly as we journeyed east to join in on the fun. The woman is fearless. Brazen, bold, and fearless.

Such an individual is simply....rare.

My heart is full of gratitude for YOU, dear Elizabeth. Thank you for answering the call so that we, as individuals and as a collective, might be able to hear the whisperings of our own hearts, as well...

THANK YOU.

Squam Beans

Today I feel no less fragmented about our family adventure at Squam. I know that, overall, it was a very positive excursion, the nudging of some of my comfort levels notwithstanding. I have pages of notes to share for anyone thinking of doing this with their children and I'm hoping to get it here while it's all fresh in my bean.

On the subject of beans, one of the highlights of my trip by far, was to meet with Nina and two of the beanies on my birthday the Wednesday of check in. We watched our boys dine on pancakes that flopped over plates and fed our big baby girls together while laughing and wrestling little ones, maneuvering our way through breakfast.

We walked around in Nahcotta to peruse some familiar peeps' work in the much loved Enormous Tiny Art Show, and she turned to me at one point and said, "Can I just stop right here and tell you how cool it is that we can come in here and look at art with our three year olds?" And it was cool. It was very cool.

As you can see, The Friendly Toast in Portsmouth is vintage diner-dreamy. I wanted to steal the bark cloth tiki fabric around the sink in the funky bathroom. We make a point to stay at least one night in Portsmouth each time we head to Squam Art Workshops because it is such a cool little piratey art town.

I'm crashing from the trip, sadly. I'm not ready to rise and shine and go off to preschool, drop Blue at the groomers (just because she has cancer doesn't mean she can't look like a goddess!), make polite conversation, drop dead in one hundred and two degree heat in a town with only about ten trees. I've been in a bit of a shadow all day, promising to do things like make a longer trip of it next year and to take more pictures and sit on the docks just a little longer....

What I gave and received there was enough. Truly, it was. But I could still just top up a bit and love that, too.

Countdown

In 41 hours we'll be landing in Boston bound for Portsmouth, NH to linger for the morning with friends and friendliness before heading to Squam Lake for 5 days of creative goddess hedonism!

I'm up, secretly blogging while everyone else sleeps. This is not to say that I'm not practicing self-care, though I'd best be hitting hay soon. I've been taking care of myself this week by asking for help-with Blue, with children, with food, when I need to talk to a good friend who knows just what to say, with washing machines that won't spin. I've been opening, stretching..opening a little more and receiving. So hard for some of us to do! But so worth it to realize that those around me genuinely want to help...ME.

Thank you all for your kind words about Blue. Today was a good day, one of treats and frolicking on the lawn with her buddies and roaming around the inside of the house, sniffing the stove and begging. Knowing we have limited time with her has brought up so much conversation around here...life is short. This we all know. And yet something shifts unexpectedly each time it happens, does it not? Something so simple like a lifecycle can have deep and jarring impacts each. different. time.

I'm so grateful for my life, for my time here. And for YOU.

Sweet Things

"Sweets grown common lose their dear delight."      --William Shakespeare

Miles and Emma, sweets for a day.

Wishing you fresh sweets to delight in this gorgeous September weekend....

I Wish I'd Just Gone Fishing

But instead, I got the flu, which explains why I haven't been around lately. We had a yard sale on Saturday and I might have picked up cooties from someone- because by nightfall, I was sacked. Sunday night proved even more dramatic. I suppose I've been wide open for this to happen. I am glad it's occuring now and not next week.

Here is my lesson of taking care of myself coming up again, loud and clear. I have no choice but to sleep as much as possible, and drink nauseating quantities of tea, water and vitamin water.

Poor Ivy and Miles have the sniffles and sneezes, and I'm not producing much milk for Ivy at all. Besides Milk Thistle tea, I haven't tried anything else. I welcome any suggestions you have to remedy that. I have a terrible fear that my milk supply will dry up completely!

More letting go: letting go of the things that didn't make it in into the Squam box, letting go of laundry, letting go of my hope to record a few videos this week, letting go that there is no picture accompanying this entry.

Jen Louden announced National Freedom from Self Improvement Day at her blog and it couldn't have been more timely. Nothing is improving here but my chances of caring less about what isn't getting done!

*teacup clink*

Tangled Up

Dear Blue,

It's no secret that I'm a "dog person". But even I'm finding it curious that I chose this photo of you for my very first blog post ever.

While you weren't exactly my first lesson in grrrlpower, you've been showing me how to claim my machisma since you joined our family in April of 2000. What a mess you were! Do you remember that your entire left side was shirred off from the car that clipped you and landed you in the pokey-the south central Los Angeles dog pound? You charmed the pants off of the good peeps who worked there into nursing you back to health and giving you a little extra time to live, didn't you? At least that's what the letter says. The woman who busted you outta that joint was not on the market for a voluptuous 50 pounder! And that's where we came in. She later wrote us a letter to tell us that she knew you were meant to be with us when we met at the park. I am holding that letter now.

I remember telling Brandon and Hank that I thought you were really pretty that night at the Silver Lake Dog Park. I wanted to go and flirt with the cute Blue Merle Ozzie and the guys weren't that into it. I talked them into going over for some small talk and after a time, your person admitted that she'd only had you for a day or so and was looking for a home for you. We practically grabbed your leash and ran away with you! She wanted to size us up so she brought you to us the next day and determined that we would make good parents for you.

You cried all night and the next, then crapped on our futon. You tried to herd our cats and sent them scurrying to high places. You shot out the door and took off running through traffic because all you'd known before were the streets. We weren't sure it was going to work out, were we?

When things settled down a bit, you taught Hank how to stop taking life so seriously. And for that, we're so grateful, because frankly, he was becoming a major bore with all of that obsessive fetching. You brought perfect order to the food bowl area by legislating rations for each pet, and when Willow came along, she also had to learn the Rule of Blue: Never a bite, but a little snarl kept everyone in check.

You have smiled your giant smile every day I've known you, even when that rattlesnake bit you on the nose at the poppy preserve. When Dad and I left you overnight in Chatsworth to receive your antivenin serum, we all cried on the way home. I've seen you in an e-collar more times than I've seen any other animal in our family. You sure know how to get into trouble, woman! Including the time you pulled an entire lasagna down off of the counter at Nanna's house...

Each time we walked in our beloved, wild woods, I always felt safe with you by my side. My friend, we haven't much time left. I want you to know how much your life has meant to me. How I want to scrape the encrusted saliva off of the car window and save it to remind me of you. How I want to take the fur from your last grooming and felt it into a pillow so I'll always have your beautiful smell ("the earthy smell of all that is, was and will be") near me. How sad I will be when you're no longer in charge of the kibble. Who's breath will fog up an entire room? Nobody's but yours, babe.

I love you, sweet Girly Blue, Chocolate Blue, Bluey. Let's smile some more while we can, sweet child.

Smile

"Every time that I think of you I smile for a while. That's the one thing you always do You always smile, smile, smile." --Dan Zanes

 

This is an old post from December of 2006 that bears repeating. Girlie Blue isn't feeling tip-top. We are awaiting test results and would like to ask for good mojo for her. She's a good friend to me and is in need of some healing. 

In splendid gratitude,

p

Happy. Joy.

 

Someone was very happy to attend two birthday parties this weekend: Baby Gavin turned one on Saturday, and Justin (my husband's friend from high school) turned forty. Justin's mama makes the best a mean gourmet potato salad (ok, not better than my mom's, but very good, indeed) and she also made her own rosemary bread which I would have maimed someone for more, had there not been strawberry cake coming my way across the table.

The weekends have a way of turning into a mad rush to get "things" done while there are four adult hands on deck, so it was very good to celebrate and be festive instead of being workaholics. Miles ran around shooting squirt guns on the grass with a couple of other kids and continuing to hatch out of his reserved little shell. I love being out in the world with these children.

In other news, I own far too many pillows. But that hasn't stopped me from coveting OIive. I must've clicked through a front page listing of hers and proceeded to lollygag around dreamily for an hour clicking back and forth, unwilling to close the window. I'm obsessed with cottages and buildings of all kinds and her little house pillows are so charming. I hearted her. Then she tracked me down and fell in love with one of my paintings and put it on her blog (check out her beautiful home pics, too). I love it when mutual hearting happens. It just feels good. Is it possible for virtual stores to exude good energy? If so, then hers does.

Happy, happy. Joy. Joy.

Dances With Mermaids

Many of you already know McCabe Russell, the heartful and sassy woman behind Dancing Mermaid Designs and Mermaid Warriors e-Camp. I was curious to know more about her camps and what led her down this path, so I had to investigate.

What moves me so much about McCabe is her generous spirit with little people. To {speak} with her and read her blog is to know that she has so very much to give.  Her offering of art camp e-courses for girls is very dear to my heart. I don't think a person's energy could be better spent than by investing it in the creativity of girls and tweens. I get so sentimental when I watch the videos she's taken of the kids in her backyard camps-I mean, what if each one of us gathered children just once a summer in order to *see* them, *perceive* them and *listen* to their souls? What kind of ripple effect could that create? 

McCabe does a smashing job of creating safe, sacred space for the girls who attend her courses. I had a few questions for her and she was kind to indulge me. I want to share our exchange with you...

px: How did you begin this work? Was it always calling to you or did a specific event occur that shaped your path?

mc: i began this work 10 years ago when i was part of an outreach program that was geared towards supporting young girls. there was a booklet and outline i was supposed to follow, however, it seemed to me a bit dry just teaching text alone. i started sharing my own stories of questions and ache, along with art projects to keep it fresh and interesting. we created this magic that i will never forget, and the rest came from that place. 

px: What is the most profound thing someone has come away from your workshop with, that you are aware of?

 

mc: again, there have been so many profound moments, but there is one that sticks out. a 10 year old girl looked at me after class and said, " i know who i am now because of you."  of course this child already knew herself and i cannot take credit for her sage insight, but i was proud to provide the space where she could have this revelation. 

 

px: What, if anything, has healed within your own heart as a result of the Dancing Mermaid art camps?

mc: i feel like every time i teach my heart heals a little more. the parts of me that i felt were not enough~not pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough, etc...seem to be irrelevant while i teach. it is a process and practice healing yourself. some days are better than others, but at least i know i am going in the right direction.  this is what grounds me the most. 

px: What is your hope for all who attend your camp?

mc: my hope is that the girls leave knowing their greatness, in all its flaws and stumbles. i also hope that they learn to connect and learn from each other in a healthy, inspiring way. that they see the commonalities within each other not just their differences. 

Being a parent is no easy task. No matter how present you are with your children, there is always, ALWAYS room to give more empathy and creative attention to young people. Being a positive influence for a little girl (or boy) could save their lives. That's how deeply I believe in the work of the Dancing Mermaid! I'm so grateful that other women are taking her lead and starting their own gatherings, as in the case of my dear bud, Wendy. (Be sure to listen to "Beautiful Flower" by India Arie on Wen's embedded mp3 player for tears and the full effect).

Long before I had children, I heard someone say "It takes a village", in reference to raising kids, and it stuck with me. I've enjoyed sharing my friends with my kids, encouraging Miles to create his own relationships with trusted adults so that he could receive varying forms of attention and direction. I wish McCabe lived in my village. *sniff*

Right in our backyards, all of us can begin today. Thank you, McCabe!