Pink Coyote

Fear of Bees

A few weeks ago we took Miles to visit a little school in our new town of Ojai called Grounded By Nature. If you're familiar with Jon Young's Coyote's Guide to Connecting to Nature, or Tom Brown Jr., then you'll have a rough idea of where we want to go with our children's education. As soon as we arrived, I fell in love. It's set way back on an 8-acre property, complete with organic farm and a yurt for doing lessons in. The director was charismatic and sweet, as were her two sun-kissed children. For the first ten minutes, it was heaven.

Then, by the little solar-pump pond, Miles was stung by a Bee, and fell into my arms in a heap of sorrow for the remainder of our hour there. I didn't get most of my questions answered and felt helpless in the moment to do anything but try to transform his experience. To be clear, what I mean by that is that I wanted to control it. I really wanted him to move through it so that I could rest assured that this would be the right place for him. The director's daughter harvested yarrow for me to chew up and blob onto his wound. Her son came forth with an offering of clay to draw out the poison, and his story of how he, too, had been brought to his knees by a sting the week prior. Nothing would console my boy. And my gut was doing flips over it.

We left, making apologetic faces and receiving their full sympathy, with a promise to return on parent meeting day to hand in our paperwork and prepare for the school season. In the interim, I researched educational programs, surrendered my ego around conventional academics, agreed with his Dad to continue homeschooling for now, to supplement the loose, playful, exploratory, outdooring, experiential curriculum, and decided that this is what we wanted for him-that it seemed a good match for what his values are and also his love of the natural world.

Two days before meeting day, M came down with the chickenpox. Sign, or obstacle to overcome? My feverish analytics kicked in full force. Having passed on this vaccination and nearly all others, I was glad to see it arrive, as it offered insurance that he'd move through it at an age considered safe on the immune system and one hundred percent immunity from the virus in the future (as opposed to the 80-85% the vac provides, or so I've read). But it meant that he woudn't be able to come to the meeting with me, and wouldn't be able to attend the rapidly approaching first day of school until......"the last scab falls off".

Enter second stage control issues. He won't get to start with his classmates. What if he doesn't feel part of the group as everyone else does? WHAT IF HE FEELS LIKE AN OUTSIDER? What if, what if, what if?

Fear. Overreaction.

It gets better. I'd sent an email to the director the day the blisters appeared, to let her know that I'd be coming alone and that Miles indeed had the pox and were there any policies about contagiousness I should consider before driving two and a half hours to sit in on the meeting. She didn't get it, and so I phoned about twenty minutes out of town to check in and her response was that Oh, shoot, hmmm, dang, I should probably just drop off my paperwork and check, so that everyone else wouldn't have to worry about the satellite possibility of it creeping toward them. I caught her off-guard and then screwed myself. I agreed.

Heightened anxiety and confusion set in.

In that moment, I no longer knew what I needed, I sacrificed my needs to take care of others, I couldn't determine and ask for another solution-such as sitting way out on the sidelines or hanging around town to talk to her afterwards. When I walked away from the sweet circle of parents and children, having humbly slipped my papers under a grinding stone rock, I felt it hit me. I felt sad, angry, powerless. I sat in tears on the dirt road in a line of empty cars losing my shit.

My children had been in my mother's care back in the valley since six-thirty a.m. at a time when I really felt I should be with them. It was a truly frustrating experience and I couldn't let go. I gripped my big feelings like the inside of a boxing glove: I couldn't trust that we'd made the right decision without receiving their presentation. I couldn't trust that he would feel safe among the other children and families without observing them a little bit. It was all about me, and far less about Miles. Kids trust in the best of ways. Why can't I?

All I could do was shuffle to the local coffee roasters joint (because espresso and anxiety go so well together, right?) and sit in the park with a bagel. I came to a pivotal place, where my own trigger-happy immune inhibitors implored me to turn it around. That this was just Another Lesson in Letting Go. That was it-this is what I do. I talk about living in Trust and here I was sitting in it's rival: Fear. I had to make a choice.

My baby turns six tomorrow and I heard clearly as I walked back toward my car, texting a friend from my infant stage of clarity, that I am being asked to (crocodile tears as I write) let him go off into this new realm- to learn to ask for help from others, to find his way, to shine his light, to fail, and to succeed. The chickenpox cleanse, and a new school in a new town is a rite of passage for him. Yet I've failed to see, until now, that it's a rite of passage for me, too.

I got in my car and drove home to my babes. Later that day, the director was extremely apologetic about not helping me determine what it was I needed that day, and she dazzled me with her expert resolution skills- a bit of hand-holding thrown in. But I don't know that I even needed it. I have everything I need to begin, and my healing and transformation has always, and will always, require me to release my fear and take risks.

Coming back to Trust, always feels like coming Home.

Oh, and Bee? That little busy gal simply teaches us all about how to be part of a real community- working together, as a group.

I'm ready now. In order for my pup to grow strong, build immunity, find his community, and come to peace with her medicine, I've got to release my grasp on the only way I've ever known him.

 

Had I been looking, I coulda seen it comin' from a mile away.

 

Stretching Out: Summer Sun

Every day here is like being on vacation. Wake up. Go back to sleep. Wake up again. Have leisurely breakfast...two or three times. Look around for bird feathers outside the casita. Laugh at frisky squirrels jumping from tree to tree. Pack lunch. Go to violin lesson where teacher adores him and allows Ivy and I play on her kids' swingset. Make tracks to the beach or other soothing body of water (of which there are many). Pick sand out of crevasses. Eat a sandy sandwich. Notice that everyone in the water is wearing a wetsuit but us. Drive home, hose off, and lounge around some more.

Midweek has become my weekend since Operation Ojai has been in effect. It feels indulgent to be at the beach on a Thursday, which I thought was Wednesday for most of the day. These slow days have become epic for my children and I, as we near the first homeschool meet up and also look for homes in the area that we can grow into, and strong in.

My baby in a ponytail makes her seem like so much more a girl. It won't be long before she'll be taking music lessons, surfing the waves, and much more interested in shopping for Fall clothes than her brother. This is a blessed life. One in which we can play hard in the saltwater, eat healthy food, laugh, and enjoy life.Together.

I've been gathering plants to make medicine with in this gorgeous climate, which has, you know, all the really awesome plants. White sage, growing right on the path to the swimming hole, wild fennel, yarrow, sweet peas, toyon, manzanita. Just to savor the essence of summer a little longer. Hawk, Rabbit, Coyote, Bat, Possum, Blue Jay, and the subtle sense of that solar queen, Mountain Lion, are all around. So much symbolism to carry around in my knapsack.

Wishing you a blissful dog-days weekend, Full Mama Moon, and all the ponytails and laughter your heart can bear.

grateful list

yes, i am stiiiiiiill integrating. one reason being is that a handful of big things are brewing for my family as well as for me and it feels a bit like big shift overload. in the best way, but you know how it is when a lot blossoms at once? all i can do is sit in the gratitude of it, in the right side of my brain and not force the analytics. a day at the beach and the spectacular little village of ojai with brandon and the kids is helping me to stay in that space.

gRateFuLL

for balance of masculine and feminine forces

for surrender and the flow of goodness that always follows

for help

for new friends and their divine guidance

for happy pants and my fairy's first toenail painting

for plants that ground and mama birds that remind me how to feed my chicks

for blessed one-on-one contact

for non-superficiality

for naps and lucid dreaming

for reassurance that the circle is a spiral and each time i re-visit a place, it's with new wisdom

for hollowed out trees and elvish boys who fearlessly climb into them

for cooler temperatures and consignment store sweaters that save the day

for peacock colored linen pants for $6

for summer plans with my favorite women

for cottonwood bud salve from herbmama that smells good enough to eat

for the kind of connections that only smiling fate brings

for mango sausage and perfect over-medium eggs

for exciting new paths with places to plant and grow

for twists of kismet and perfect crossings

for patient customers and abundance

for knowing what we need, and asking for what we want

for transformation that begins when we say, "YES"

for surprises in the mail that topple obstacles

for transparency and non-judgement

for ego-strength and willingness to learn beyond the current scope

for berry picking in the warm sun and big-wheeled wagons to tote them in

for my mom's flexibility

for my dad's quiet support

for those who have passed and meet us in council on the Otherside

for taking the time to process

for sleeping on it

for allowing life to lead

for warm honeyed vocals and unexpected island ukeleles

for young, wise ones who *see*

for the stories that keep us alive

for bold.wild.trust. and the people who inspire it in me

 

 

 

 

 

Paradox

The way that you all define and experience WILD has brought me to tears again and again. I can feel my own hairs standing up on my arms when I read the words of hair flying tangled in the wind and of juicy colors and rolling down hills, of sitting still and listening to the wind and that quiet truth. I love the circular nature of inspiration, it never ends-it just feeds itself, totally nourished by the movement back to the wild, into the deeper places, far less frightening when you know there are women standing on mountaintops and diving down into the waters, just as you are. Perfectly sustainable momentum is wildness. Instinct. Ferocity to identify with everything and the beautiful emptiness of it, all at once. You women are killing me. Softly ;)

Winners are:

ROSE-for the Rabbit Bundle.

BRANDI MARIE-for the print of Go Wild Believing.

NOELLE: for the Deck of postcards.

I wish I were sending something to every one of you!!! Giveaways hurt a bit because I want everyone to win. Which means I'll have to cook up another one...*winkety wink* I just thought of one.

Tomorrow I'm heading to the coast for a couple of days of solitude to write a book proposal for a love affair that will no longer be quiet. I was reminded of a story I wanted to share with you when I saw the above painting across from me.

About five years and a few months ago, I attended a gathering of about ten women in a blogger's home in which we all sat in circle and talked about possibility and our dreams. I've loved watching the lives unfold of everyone who was there. It fascinates me to witness the big shifts that take place when women do what they've done for millenia: sit, nosh, share stories, chew the proverbial fat, and name those places waiting for them out in the not-so-distant future. I'm loving expanding my range this year by doing some teaching (here and here) and bringing that energy to some of you whom I've never met, some who've shared that you've never sat in circle and can't wait any longer.

When I met with those women, Miles was about three months old. His Daddy brought him to me throughout the day to nurse and have Mama time while I communed with my kind and then I joined them for bedtime each night. I was the first of that group to have a baby, but was behind a bit on establishing my voice in the art and writing marketplace. And kind of had my hands too full of new baby buns to do much about it. (Funny how we compare and judge our journeys when we *know* inside that we're always right where we're supposed to be.)

Just before we went, Brandon helped even more than ususal with Miles one afternoon, while I cranked out two small paintings in our travel trailer- which we were living in while our house was being built. It was such a mess! I had glue and paint everywhere, but I was like...on fire with creative energy. I didn't know if it was because I'd just become a mom, or if I was spurred on by a sort of healthy competition with these women, and I wanted to have something to share...all I knew that day was that I felt ALIVE, in several dimensions-creative in every way possible.  I felt proud of my work, one of which is the piece you see above, entitled Paradox.

My Wild was already busting through cages, and seeking meaning outside all of the boxes. I got brave enough to share my work at one point and one woman sat next to me, someone who I considered to be quite successful and deeply admired- and literally, like...the first blogger there ever was. At one point, after a long silence and looking at me....looking at my work, and back again, she asked, thoughtfully,

"So............ It can be done?"

And of course I was thinking, what in the hell is this madwoman talking about? YES, two paintings can be done, woman, you who have created countless paintings, drawings, ads, websites, books...what is fascinating to you, of all people, about this? (But I kept that to myself.)

"Art. And.....life. Parenting. The two can co-exist?"

She was asking me? Oh shit. I felt no authority to comment in that moment. However, later it made me realize that not only can it exist, that for me, it MUST exist. My art and my life were inseparable. My creativity would not peel away from my life. It would not be quiet. It would not lie down and let me be mom only. It would not cooperate. Of course, she went on to write a dozen books in the span of several years and have a baby or two, and prove it to herself in a big way.

Lesson learned: When we feel the drive to make a creative life-to open up and get our hands messy, and name it as such- the Universe helps to coordinate the logistics, right? This is what I trust. And one manifestion has a way of unfolding into another and another, and the worst I felt I could do for myself was not to name it. To hold back. To stay inside of what Amelia Earhart referred to as "even an attractive cage".

The cage, however, from where I sit, was never motherhood. It was never the town I lived in. It was not the day job I had to take when Miles was eighteen months old. It was not my age, or the fact that I didn't finish art school. The box was nothing more than the way I thought of myself and my creativity in relation to the world. It was nothing more than fear of letting my soul out to play on the wild wind so many of you spoke of. Fear that it wouldn't want to come back...

I never sold that painting. It sits on top of the bookshelf that faces me, Coyote peering out of her profile, reminding me as she exits Stage Left, that before I knew....I knew. I knew that what I considered to be impossible would show me otherwise. That what I feared would not come true, but appeared as a real obstacle, instead of the cardboard figure it really was. Because that's how Coyote operates. I could play small all I wanted, it wasn't going to work. She was already up ahead frolicking in the daisies, waiting for me to catch up and take a ride on her bristly back, so she could tell me she'd told me so back when.

 

 

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Making Magic

There are so many ways to do it. For Ivy, it's Clover Stirfry.

 

For me, it's embracing healing, changing energy.

 

For Miles, it's creating beauty.

 

How do you make magic?

Shop Update & BOGO Print Sale

The weekend soared by.

Miles and I spent some one on one time together Saturday at Color Me Mine, where we collaborated on what I'm pretty sure was the most interesting piece in the place: a spaceship that comes with a light that will shine through the little holes on it's saucer. He got so into it, which is always beautiful to witness. He directed me on how to do the detail work while he painstakingly made flame-like designs on the bottom and painted stars on the hull.

Spending focused time with the kids is becoming increasingly difficult as I become more and more busy with writing and my Etsy shop. I'm finding that doing things outside of our home or at least outdoors helps me keep my attention on them. When I am not attentive enough, it shows up in them after a day or two as crankiness, clinginess, whining. The return to what feels like full-time work is challenging. I'm worn out by about 8 o'clock, but I push myself forward, lest my to-do's become out of control.

I've been burying myself in poems late at night-the abstract sentiments are a welcome departure from all of the linear thinking I've been engaging in. My right brain is telling me it's time to paint again, so I'm having some framed boards built and should have something to share next month.

I also got a wild hair to offer a  BOGO print sale in the shop until Tuesday, March 1st. As per usual, transact for one, and just tell me in the order comments which additional print you'd like. I'm also making custom bundles for those of you wanting to consult a bit about the medicine coming to you. The few I've done have been really, very interesting and beautiful combinations of animals, plants, stone people and energies. I love this job!

To There and Back Again

The road through the Eastern Sierras to Mammoth Mountain

the fresh air, cold water and hot sun of my home state

leaves me breathless.

A Good Day for Cake

A Week of Holidays

Bless

Five

I know in my bones that there will come a day when I'll yearn achingly and deep for you to be five again.

Life is so exciting at FIVE! You're just on the cusp of reading, growing the wings of an entertaining conversationalist, patient and teacherly to your sister, able to whip up your own lunch, order and pay for your own popcorn at the theater and pour happy faced pancakes on the griddle skillfully.

You have an incredible sense of humor, which I'm betting might be my favorite thing about you. Ever. I love the one about the chickens that you love to tell:

You: What did one chicken say to the other chicken?

Me: I couldn't begin to guess. I don't know...what did it say?

You: I don't care what chickens talk about!!!!

(Hysteria on all sides)

Or what about this morning when I got in the car to drive you to school and one of my hair extensions was laying on the seat, presumably having made a break for it as I sat in traffic on my return from LAX last night? When I handed it back to you and told you what it was, you seemed to totally get how ridiculous and sort of creepy-weird it was! You cackled so hard you got the hiccups. And I loved throwing it back and forth and screaming together as we drove down the dirt road. Unstoppable. It was just too silly.

I love that your idea of great birthday presents are pots of flowers and seed packets and that visiting the nursery is almost as fun as Disneyland.

I enjoy so much reading stories to you like this one and hearing your inquistive, "Hm." and after each paragraph.

You are as delightful as you always have been, and it is my life's pleasure to see you grow into yourself. I lover lover lover you.

Mama

 

County Fair

On a horse called Blue

In her big brother's shoes

It was a lovely time with you.

Full Moon Faced

Here is a wise little elder helper totem before she was completed for the Spirit Doll class in the online Wishstudio Playgroup, which posts on the 27th of this month. Contact Mindy if you missed the boat on this. Miles and I had SO much fun making them together! The video summary is how we finished up the offering. I think he did very well for his first time as what seemed like gig as a talk show host.

 

Interview & Workshop

Lauren has posted an interview with yours truly here. So grateful she took the time to ask fun questions! Thank you, LL.

Registration has opened at Wishstudio for her new online lovechild, online art playgroup! This is going to be so much fun- she's made it super affordable and lined up some wonderful artists to make creating with the babes an inspiring Fall treat. I'll be teaching my Spirit Dolls workshop with Miles, in which we will walk you through the forest collecting "supplies" and then show you how to assemble a beautiful little totem representing aspects you and your child love to share.

Come play!

Please Stand By

For your viewing pleasure, another one of M's drawings, entitled "Volcano Desert". I love his creations deeply. He observes and studies and then steals away for a bit and returns with his tribute.

I'm beginning another set of paintings tonite, this time for a show that opens in Los Angeles (Silverlake) on June 4th and runs for the month of June.

I'm excited about brainstorming this one and tonite I'm prepping surfaces, which is the stage which often feels the most *free*. I have no idea how they'll all turn out at this point, so I'm giddy to find out.

I love this job.

Koi Pond

I've always wanted a Koi Pond.

Medicine Wheel

 

While Miles and I played hooky from preschool on Friday, we made our way outdoors to the big basket of rocks that has been awaiting the perfect time for us to create our Medicine Wheel. We've been collecting rocks for years to be used in this project, picking up some at the beach and some in the mountains.

The rocks displayed at each of the four directions are of a specific color and I was picky about making sure these four were placed according to the colors that represent them. Miles chose all of the other rocks and heaved them into position as I instructed him from nearby, telling him a bit about what each stone and position teaches us. He seemed to really love learning about the wheel and took his time to choose a rock that seemed to fit.

Different peoples associate varying colors and meanings to the four directions, but I have come to know them in my own way based on my interactions with them, as well as other schools of thought, and based on the traditional teachings I've received. The oral histories of a tribe and their location also impacts the variations within the wheel.

East=Yellow, for the sun, Eagle, birth, illumination, the beginning of the journey.

South=Red, for fire, creativity, Coyote, the warmth of the earth, learning, material lessons.

West=Black, for the water, reflection, self-examination, Bear, emotions.

North=White, for the wisdom of the elders, the sacred circle of life, Buffalo, spirituality, rest.

I use the medicine wheel rather loosely, entering it at any place, any time, and working with the positions in it as things come up for me.

Today I sought help from position number 13, the large white rock just to the left of the red rock in the South position (about 7 o'clock in the above photo). This is the position of the Ancestors.

In some of the work I've been doing since we moved back to my hometown, many opportunities have arisen for me to heal myself in the context of my family and the unhealed stories that have been passed down for many generations. It seems like this year in particular has been pushing me to resolve, within myself, some of the deeper and more generational wounds that affect me.

As we plan our relocation in our third and final year here, I am being asked to make some vital changes that I will need to take with me on my journey. I am being called upon to cleanse, let go, cough up, release and leave behind that which does not serve. While I'm always eager to do this, it sometimes takes me a few trips around the wheel to feel the click, and wire it in. Ceremony always helps, and by the time I get to it, I'm ready to wave a confident farewell to the last of the loitering residue.

During the time I've been sick with the coughing, for example, I've been quarreling with each member of my family on some level. Louise Hay's, You Can Heal Your Life says this:

Bronchitis: Inflamed family environment. Arguments and yelling. Sometimes silent.

(If this doesn't spell out my experience of conflicts between my family members and I, then I. am. a. monkey's. uncle.)

Her new thought pattern is this:

I declare peace and harmony within me and around me. All is well.

Oh, Louise. I'm glad you're always handy to punctuate the incidents.

If you would like to create a Medicine Wheel in your garden to meditate with or as a tool for healing and going deeper within, I suggest reading a book called Medicine Wheel Ceremonies by Vicki Ray and C.V. Rodberg. Their simple pamphlet-like book gives an easy description of each of the positions and includes a set of cards for use with each position. 

Farmer Miles

 

Carrot, var. Nantes; Planted and harvested by my only sunshine.

Big Guns

Dude.

There is only one way to begin this entry and that is with one word.

DUDE.

I've been absent here half of last week because, believe it or not, the acute bronchitis is back with a vengeance. First me, then the babes.

I assure you that more radical changes are being implemented.

First, I bought these two books:

I opted for a newer book on an old subject because I need to get to work fast, as opposed to reading about the history of macro and the science behind acid/alkali yin/yang balance. I've been bugging my friends for those details!

 

 

And this one because I've had it in my wishlist forever and because it's known for the chapter on healing moods with foods. Promising enough for me to want to try.

While I'm anxiously awaiting their arrival, I'm priming my family by taking away all of the foods that they love! Well, Miles is the one who is really having to make adjustments. It seems I've really slipped with him. You see, he's very persistent and quite a logical debater about his preferences. Convincing chase he does give in order to get what he wants. And I fall for his big brown eyes every time. His techniques combined with year one of baby number two have made me weak at my game. Instant oatmeal has become a staple with a big dollup of organic, sugar free peanut butter-his favorite breakfast. With fresh berries on the side, I've even fooled myself into believing he is a pretty healthy eater.

Oh boy.

Years ago, a dear friend experienced a major boost in her health, which included an adjustment of her post-thyroid cancer medication. Here are the contents of an email she sent me this morning excerpted from Michio Kushi's and Alex Jack's book The Macrobiotic Path to Total Health:

Healing Diet # 1 for more yin conditions is as follows:

1) Avoid all extreme yin foods and beverages, including sugar, chocolate, honey, milk, butter and other dairy products, white rice, flour, etc., excessive fruits and fruit juices (except a little stewed apple cooked with a pinch of sea salt), including potatoes, tomatoes, and peppers.

2) Avoid all extreme yang foods including meat, eggs, salted cheese, seafood.

3) Avoid or reduce all hard baked flour products such as bread, crackers, cookies and pastries, except for occasional unyeasted or unsweetened whole-grain sourdough bread, if craved

4) Eliminate all chemicalized or artificially produced and treated foods and beverages.

5)Avoid all foods cooked on electric stove or microwave.

6) Minimize oil for 1-2 months; use only sesame or olive oil sparingly.

7) Avoid raw salads for 1 mo or until condition improves; eat boiled salads where you lightly boil or steam vegetables in layers and eat with a little shoyu and whole grain noodles if you want.

8) Avoid all ice-cold foods and drinks on ice.

9) In general the cooking for a yin condition may be slightly stronger than usual and use a little more sea salt, miso, or shoyu in cooking.

10) Eat whole grains in whole form as the main portion of the diet (50-60% of daily consumption). The first day prepare pressure-cooked shortgrained brown rice. The next day prepare brown rice pressure cooked with 30% millet. The third day prepare brown rice with 30% barley. The fourth day, prepare brown rice with 30% adzuki beans or lentils. The fifth day, prepare brown rice again. Boiling may be alternated or substituted for pressure-cooking (put a small piece of kombu in water when you cook it for seasoning). Morning porridge can be made by taking leftover rice and adding a little more water to soften, simmering for a few minutes and then adding 1 tsp. of miso per cup of grain at end of cooking. Oats should be avoided for first month, but you can use different grains like wheat berries, rye, and corn. Both udon and soba noodles or other whole grain noodles and pasta may be eaten 2-3 times per week (with miso).

11) Eat 1-2 servings of soup each day, mostly miso with wakame, onions, carrots, daikon, shitake. Grain soups also okay. Butternut squash soup a good choice. Make your own vegetable broth for cooking soups (onion, carrot, celery, root greens).

12) 30% of diet should be vegetables: leafy greens such as collards, kale, turnip greens; sweet round veggies such as squash, onions and cabbage and root veggies such as carrots, daikon, burdock, parsnips. You can add dried tofu, tofu, tempeh, mochi or seitan with vegetables 2 times/week.

13) 5% beans: adzuki, lentils, chickpeas, black soy beans cooked with kombu and small amount of onion and carrot.

14) Pickles made at home, i.e., daikon, cabbage, carrots (You can get a little pickle press from Japanese markets or in Little Tokyo)

15) White fish may be eaten once a week, if craved, steamed, boiled or poached, garnished with fresh grated daikon or ginger to aid in digestion.

16) Drink bancha twig tea as the main beverage. Do not drink coffee. Use good spring water. One to 2 cups of fresh carrot or other vegetable juice may be taken once a week.

17) Avoid overeating or overdrinking. Avoid late-night snacks or eating within 3 hours of sleeping.

No problem, right?

Yesterday and today, I made a lovely broth to drink by boiling cabbage, butternut squash, carrot and onion. I strained it and drank it like clear tea. I'm also taking licorice tea for the bronchitis and lobelia capsules (Indian tobacco) to reduce the inflammation of the branches of my poor bronchial tree.

I'll keep you posted on how we do. Working up to the grain requirement is going to be tough. One thing I did discover is that goat's milk products are alkalinizing (yang), whereas cow's milk is acid (yin). Needless to say, I discovered shredded goat's mozzarella and butter at the health food store and since I don't have great tastebuds, they are working out famously. In major moderation, of course. It helps to have transitional items onhand. Once we get healthy, they may taste a bit goaty. Brandon thought the butter was indistinguishable, though.

I've been able to slip in some products without Miles noticing, but he has busted me on a few things- like goat yogurt and creamy cheese from Trader Joe's.

I also found some very yummy tofu and carob nutty cube thingies at our hfs which are helping to curb our collective sugar cravings. I may try making some of my own.

I'd love to know if any of you eat macro or a raw food diet and what led you to it.

Starting Monday off with a bang, aren't I?

Postscript: My friend asked me to note (of course!) that this special "healing" diet is not what macrobiotics looks like once the body becomes healthy. It serves to clean out the system and reset the acid/alkaline balance in beginners. In her words, "the basic tenet for macrobiotic diet is to be able to eat whatever you want once you learn how to maintain a balance between yin and yang foods".

Creative Spirit

Sweet, spirited, Lauren of VisionWise is giving away this necklace this week, called Creative Spirit. I have two of Lauren's necklaces and also commissioned her to make a very special hemp and stone bracelet for a new Daddy in the clan recently, and I have been so happily thrilled with her work. She is a very special fire mama who puts amazing energy into her *works*. Stop in and enter!

I spent the entire evening clearing out my art studio and adding more to the donation pile-this time many, many skeins of unloved yarn. I've freed up my bins and organized them, which makes my little, obsessive-compulsive brain do a very happy dance.

My desktop could still use a bit of help, but it didn't stop me from working on a postcard for a student pen pal project I volunteered for. So nice to create for kids.

And when creativity is flowing, it seems to be flowing everywhere in this house. I love Miles obsession with globes. He has long loved drawing the planets, but lately he's been putting them all on stands! Dig the volcanic explosion happening down south.

Additionally, I'm intrigued this week by The Artistic Mother, by Shona Cole and Found City, by Keri Smith. Must make a found city with Miles!

Shona's recent article at Wishstudio, titled Art Makes Us Better Moms deserves a read.

Easter Egg Diorama Tutorial

Amy of AllButtondUp requested instructions for this project, so here goes! These were so simple to make and Miles LOVED making them. One could get very fancy with the inside decorations, but we kept it simple in the interest of time and money. Let's see if I can keep this tutorial simple, which is the real challenge for me.

Step One: Mix 2 parts white glue and 1 part water in a paper plate and dip strips of paper (we used newspaper) in it then stick to a blown-up balloon in thin layers. We let each layer dry before layering on the next. We did two layers of newspaper and got up nice and close to the little balloon tie.

When it came time to layer on the colorful tissue paper, we decided to hang them up because the tissue paper was so thin, it kept sticking to the ramekins we'd had them resting in before. We took them down to layer on, then hung them up by ribbon from the light fixture to dry. We only did two layers of tissue because Miles was "ready to finish these things". 

Next, I drew a hole on the dried shell and then started to cut it with a steak knife and once I had about an inch, I switched to scissors. A craft knife would make me sound much more on top of my game here, but I'm choosing honesty. It was what was closest.

 

The balloon popped and made a lovely hissing sound as it pulled itself away from the walls of the glued inside, and I tugged on the ribbon a bit and out it came, leaving a hole at the top that I later glued a bit of tissue over.

After the holes were cut, we crumpled smallish bits of tissue and glued them around the opening to hide the steak-knifed, rough bits and to pretty it all up with some detail. I love how it sort of looks like little blossoms. It was during this step that I realized I could have begun the decoupaging with colored tissue and would not be seeing newsprint inside my work of art! But you choose...

Here is M's.

And here are our finished dioramas, you can see that Miles packed his with bubble gum eggs! as well as his Peep:

I took a bit of time to talk about eggs and rabbits and their significance during this time of year. I'm pretty sure Miles could recount the stories, but I also know he was obsessively jonesing for some Peeps while trying to be polite.

Thank you for indulging me here today with our little craft! I hope you enjoyed it.

Still A Bit Quiet Over Here

Outside of the drudgery gleeful task of gathering the tax information every night this week, Miles and I have been creating little treasures and making things for Ivy's special day on Saturday. Creativity has a softness to it these few days, of trance-like knot-tying and Astrud Gilberto on the hi-fi.

 

Brandon made some hallelujah-good salmon and pineapple fried rice for dinner tonite, which I shall not soon forget. Everyone devoured it, even Ivy! I'm feeling veeery Springish (said with elfish delight) since the time changed. We went outdoors after the holy meal and drummed the big, orange sun down-a Campbell tradition begun with friends back in the mountain days. 

 

Soft, slow, easy. The days breeze through, painted like an orchid...and I'm rendered {almost} speechless with contentedness.

Everyone's An Artist

 

Or so it would seem around here lately. Even Ivy has taken to picking up dropped markers under M's easel and sweeping the ground, pretending to make a picture. Brandon is recording music again (after being booted out of his studio to make room for the expanding needs of growing wees), in our recently converted utility storage room off of the garage and the whole house is humming with, "You know what else I want to do this year..." and "I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO MAKE WITH THIIIS!" and "Where can I find fabric for..."

It's a buzz of creative energy, one of many reasons I love this family gig. A continuum of inspiration, I tell you. Brandon and I are taking Marisa's and Sean's Together e-course for fun and to keep us dialoguing about how to honor each others space and livelihoods. When I took Marisa's awesome Fishbowl series last summer, it was intriguing to him- so this allows him to join in on the e-fun. Hubbinses should not be left out! There may be a few spots left...

I'm feeling like I'm finished for the time with anticipating 2010 pitfalls and have given that topic enough of my energy. I feel free to create an incredible year, lots of work, and a full family life.

New Abundance Buffalo tiny originals have been added to the shop, and are going fast! There will be a new tiny series coming forth very soon, as well...

Happy New Year!

Busy Little Mee

Bee on a loquat tree.

Ahhh, Christmas. I love you and your sounds, your flavors, your sentiments. But I must also confess how relieved I am to clear your symbols from my home as soon as humanly possible when you have seen your happy day come and go.

There have been moments this weekend that have felt downright Springish! It isn't helping me keep my promise to myself to lie a bit low and take a rest. I have taken two baths and read 40 pages of a book, however. That's resting, right?

I'm giddy about the new year. Giddy! I'm like, bursting at the seams, there are so many fun things happening. The January, as I've come to call it, is so full of surprises I can hardly wait to share them. I've been sworn to keeping my lip buttoned by a very serious woman on one count and I dare not breathe a letter of it here until I have permission. Next week, I think.

In spite of the ants in my pants, I am trying to sit right in this present moment and enjoy it. I shall pass the time by sharing a few snappies from our holiday at chateau campbell:

Ivy waits for what she doesn't yet know.

No white Christmas? Make air angels! Just a little excited and rather high on peppermint bark just before the opening of gifts began.

Then a Russian in John Lennon specs arrived with his balding co-conspirator and demanded spirits.

Slinky belts were adorned with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

Piano played with friends in totally unplanned seasonal color coordination.

In the end, it was a wonderfilled weekend. And now I'm ready to shed, jump, run, dive and howl my way into the new year. 2010 just has such a lovely ring to it...

Light Bringers + Winner

My friend Sarah Jane says that trees who grow in a circle all grow from each other's roots. This is how I think of my husband and kids, we form a circle and we are all connected at our roots, yet branch out in our own directions skyward,

My guys are walking toward the Circle of Gratitude for Mary Ann and Joe's Vow Renewal Ceremony this weekend. Check out all of the cool orbs around Miles Brandon! I'm always crediting my son for bringing the faery folk with him and it was, instead, my DH that had them clinging to his heart this time. I love the layered octagonal shapes. Ever the scientific man, he's like,..."Those are just lens flares!" and I'm all, "No they're not! They're fairies!"

Grown ups.

 

It was a beautiful ceremony in the southern California mountains with lots of yummy people, indescribably good food, clean air and LOVE all around.

I am sick this week with a nasty wasty cold: the ear business, sinus crap, sneezing, dang it. Miles is sick, too, and we're trying not to give the baby cooties.

***And the winner of the card giveaway is Pati Maez! Congratulations, goddess.***

I'll be checking in and offering a free shipping week in the shop in the next day or so. *Hack*Sneeze!Cack! Go here and have a laugh, while I'm recovering!

This Beautiful Week

My piece for CORE which is seen here missing a couple of elements, such as it's deer antler button closure and wooden cap. Her capelet is also unpressed. She was prettied up for her debut, I assure you.

This piece evolved from a very different idea into one which symbolizes so much to me. She speaks about integrating all of the parts: Innocent, wise, vulnerable, fragile, ill, reborn, enchanted, rescuer, shadow, wild; parts that we split off of and yearn for until we can piece ourselves back together. I'm sure you can guess which fairy tale I borrowed from to make my point.

Here she is in her glory. The Goddess McCabe Russell took this photo and I'm so grateful because I took only two pictures of the piece and they're both super dark. What you can't see in either of these photos is the fox tail that adorns her back bottom side. Perhaps someone got a good pic of her showing it.

CORE was an unbelievably fun night, filled with amazing music, familiar faces and art. I'm so proud to have been a part of it. The women who came to this venue were divine on so many levels and I've learned so much from them.

These are snaps from the show. I can't recall the titles of each one, so I'll just have to list the artists only! I wish I'd gotten more photos. Shame my hands were full of people and wine all night!

 

Christine Mason Miller.

Outi Harma.

Marisa Haedike.

Liz Kalloch.

Photo of Miles and Erin by the illuminating Stacy de la Rosa. Brandon braved the traffic with both little ones and came all the way to Los Angeles so Miles could see the display and meet some of the artists. I love my husband. He is so courageous and willing.

Sarah Ahearn.

Kelly Barton.

I have to thank Anne Carmack ONE MORE TIME for her vision, her energy, her grace and her unfaltering sense of glee at organizing this show. If you were able to come, thank you for your support! It was a lovefest, man.

And I can't mention the week without raising my tea mug to the finest Alpha Goddess to walk the earth, my Girly Blue. You my love, are what dog history is made of. How I miss you and yearn to kiss you and sniff you nose to nose. I'm remembering all you've taught me, recalling your beautiful, gentle strength. We love seeing you in our dreams, so please visit often. Peace to your ever joyful heart, sweet hound.

It's Only For Now

Thank you all for your comments about Blue and our loss yesterday. Such heartfelt messages have kept us warm through the night. Bless!

It's odd how this whole thing has hit me. I hadn't known what to expect when Blue was diagnosed and I had almost two months to prepare for her leaving us. The oncologist gave her one to four months, the day after we returned from Squam. Time is so deceitful when you're waiting for your loved one to die. What is a month? A tiny blip on the screen.

I've felt guilty some. When I look at the many photos of her I've snapped in the past few weeks, but especially those from yesterday, I try to read her face to see what she may have been saying that I didn't catch. She stares back at me, laughing in some of them, pained in others. How could she be so full of grace and dealing with the unholy takeover of her body at the same time?

Tonite, during snuggle, Miles told me he was ready for her to come back and sobbed and said that she was never coming back. I'm thankful he can discern his feelings. We talked about where or what she might be, as he's always had this spirity way of asserting his ideas of reincarnation, something we've never discussed with him. He thought she might be in another galaxy, a scrub jay, a rainbow, a falling leaf, kissing gophers. As he mentioned these possibilities, his mood seemed to lighten. Mine did, too.

When I asked him about where he got the notion that when beings cross over they come back as something else, he said, "This is what I know". It is EXACTLY what he said when I asked him the same question about a year ago. And what I find peculiar is that he seldom repeats himself verbatim. There's always a fresh twist. Except with this.

 

It's Only For Now You Know, Hidden Eloise.

Vegging out on Etsy tonite (my kind of painkiller), I came across this item from my favorites and stuck it right in my cart. I love Hidden Eloise and have bought from her before. She's a delightful little spirit and I love the emotion of the characters in her paintings. I also bought one from Amy Blackwell, who's work I can't get enough of. I'll share it when it comes in. 

November is an easy month to be grateful in. The heart seems to settle in contently for a short time just before the Christmas rush, doesn't it?

I'm so grateful for the way Blue loved me. I'm so grateful to know that I am not alone.

Sweetest Dreams

Tonite I lay snuggling Miles in his bed after storytime and he said,

"Snuggle me," in a way  that suggested that my nose wasn't touching his quite enough.

My eyes were closed and I said sleepily, "I'm so tired, I think I'm fading out."

His sweet reply, "Well it is snuggling when you fall asleep next to someone you're loving on."

After all.

 

Blest

We must laugh and we must sing,

We are blest by everything,

Everything we look upon is blest.

-Yeats

Wild Thing

My little Wild Thing is 4 today. We are going out to search for lemon cake with lemon frosting with caramel poured over the top, at his request. He has also suggested we eat lunch at his favorite creamery, followed by dinner at his favorite Mexican food restaurant- where deep fried bananas and ice cream will be his dessert of choice. He has a plan. He always has.