Pink Coyote

A Week for the Books

This is the week of all weeks. I'm pleasantly stunned by all that is being released around here and in the ripples that surround me.

This Friday, December 16th, is the day I'll be sharing the beautiful video made by twelve women and I to share with you as an offering for the Winter Solstice. The Mother of All Releasings Ceremony feels so big. There are so many women, tribes, and families who are stepping forward, lighting a fire and tossing in the un-needed, most of which is hinged on FEAR. This week I'll be baring my soul, making my request of the Universe, asking all women to open up and LET GO. If you are hosting a Solstice party or gathering this weekend, the video will put some swirl in your skirt and bring some sacred to your space in preparation.

I will also be giving away two passes to Winter SouLodge on Friday. You heard me right. Class begins January 16th. Tee hee.

This Thursday, I'll be attending the official launch party, with an enormous collection of my friends and community, to celebrate the release of Christine Mason Miller's book Desire to Inspire: Using Creative Passion to Transform the World. THE WORLD. Putting our creativity to work and living our vision has the power to CHANGE THE WORLD. Yes, it does. I'm so proud to have shared writings and a project in this book.

 

Christine and I have been friends for eleven or more years, when she was manufacturing a greeting card line (Swirly) and I was manufacturing sleepwear (Napcake). We collaborated on pajama designs then and I knew I would want to work with her for as long as she'd have me on her team. At the time, my mission was to create a beautiful permission to rest and Christine totally got it-we were taking big leaps of creative faith at the same time. Jennifer Louden, another super-shero from back in the day, has interviewed Christine at her blog, and reading it reminded me how far it's possible to come in such a short time. From artist to visionary doesn't take long when you line your head up with your heart.

Also on Thursday, the new Squam Art Workshops website is going live. Oh, yes. That is all I can say.

I've created a foundation course for SouLodge, which will be available as a PDF e-Lodge this weekend. Wheeeee and awrooooooo! I've been feeling called to do this since the Summer session ended, and because we covered so many wondrous basics, that I thought it would be really helpful to those just coming in, and answer many questions that come up around what's helpful to know while waiting for a session to begin, or to work the lessons in solitary before coming into the community fully present and accountable. For all of you who have asked for this, thank you. You push me to keep my muzzle to the grindstone, and birth what is ready to be received.

I'm also taking a really huge leap of faith. I will tell you about it when the time is right, but please hold a light for me as I release something I didn't think I was going to, and embrace something I thought I was going to let go of. I am clearing the way for something I once thought impossible. Crazy risky. But crazy good.

I have so much passion for this community, this sacred women's circle. I have a vision in my mind each time I come to this space: I see women with babies on their backs, bread being kneaded, water being carried, the sun drawn down, poetry sang to the rising moon, the fire in the center of it all, skirts swirling, women trusting, letting fly with the spiral dance...this vision comes to me every time I come to write here, and I feel flooded with gratitude every.single.time.

photo by Christine Mason Miller

 

Operation Tiny House: An Inside Job

The B-53 beckons with it's 777 square feet of petite beauty.

I'm pretty sure that my post entitled Little House has been the most read of everything I've ever put up in six years here. Before Jay Schaffer wrote a proper book on the subject, his tiny house offerings were little bitty hand-stapled pamphlets, which I ordered all of, after seeing a post up at Keri Smith's blog. It was so long ago I can't even remember when it was.

It's at least how long I've been itching to jump in my car, hook up my vintage Beasty trailer and beat a trail out of whatever two bathroom spread I was living in. The time has come to start walking my talk. As we search each week for homes, my sights keep focusing into smaller and smaller spaces. Ironically, it's expanding me.

A friend of mine is selling her small house in Austin, if you are one such Texan who doesn't need your home to be as supersized as your state. How in the heck did living spaces become so large?? And the expectation to fill it up with stuff has hit what seems like an all-time high.

Attending Squam Art Workshops really broke this issue open again for me last week. Any last reservations I had about giving up luxurious space were set free on the lakeshore breeze, and the path between a wee house in nature and the mystical powers of the Universe was cleared.

The RDC cabins are little and warm (once the fire's been lit) and when I'm there I yearn not to leave because it's a place where there is so little to tend to and so much creativity to be explored, especially outside those cabin doors. It was on the dock, under the illuminated ceiling reflected on the lake that I discovered I was ready to say it out loud. I didn't really know I was saying it, but I was. I did. Nothing else made sense.

I am open to receive a clean, smallish dwelling in Ojai with land enough for my tipi, the trampoline, three dogs, two cats, two fish and oh yes, one seedling daughter and a sapling son.

Now, how in the hell am I going to get two children in one room to share a bunkbed, you ask? Give up my dishwasher, my custom walk-in closet? I don't know yet how it's going to work or feel, but I can say that it's going to happen, and that we're going to have to push through it to rebirth a new way of thinking about HOME.

I got a letter last night from the firetender at the sweat lodge I attended a couple of weeks ago. In it he explained that the work we most have to do for the Earth is on the inside of us. In my own words, it's about shifting our perspectives as the Hanged Man would teach, healing our old wounds, dancing with our shadows until we can make a conscious agreement with them about how to let them express.

One of my shadow expressions is fear of confinement, that there will not be enough: enough of me, enough time, enough money, enough space. I think that these concerns present as obstacles on my path to being at peace with what is. Fear keeps us from connecting with our true needs, and so an entire lifetime can be spent living in the illusory future, hoping and waiting for that blessing of experiencing real abundance. Building bigger and better hasn't always proved to be better.

Radical downsizing isn't going to create vast amounts of extra time because I'm cleaning less. It's not going to be instant peace-I expect a period of agitated adjustment from the little roommates. But seeing as how I've been manifesting this change for about two years, it will be an interesting test to put myself and my family to. A challenge to rework my life in a way that is in accordance with my values.

It's humbling, too. Guests will have to sleep in the the Beasty or in the tipi on the ground. Oddly enough, this is what I have asked for. To let ego step down and take a rest from trying to protect me from not having enough, appearing enough, offering enough. My focus will hopefully shift to simply being, and doing what I do, instead of trying to be enough and doing what depletes me. Existing in fear of lack of anything sends a confusing message to the Great Mystery, which seems to respond when we clear out the fear boulders and trust the road in front of us with our whole hearts.

I think the firetender was right. The real work is on the inside.

 

 

Lessons In Need

One of the messages that came up for me many times as I prepared for and journeyed to Squam was one of traveling light.

I packed huge boxes of supplies and sacred tools which was far too many, I loaded up on layers of clothing, not knowing how that tricksy New England would feel on my California skin-and true to form it was hot at times and absolutely freezing at others. I didn't want to wear the same jeans under my hempy skirts with my ratty boots that I didn't care if paint fell on, but also wanted to have some spiffy items because ragamuffin is a look that kind of follows me around. Some things are hard to change. Overpacking is somewhat of a disease. My fantasy was that I would ship everything out beforehand, pray the boxes arrived and then just take my little carry-on and save the $50 in baggage check. In the end, I still ended up checking a roller bag.

Another artist and I had a dock chat about all of the stuff we humans carry on our backs from place to place, and it's always been a subject that feels important to keep digging into. I've gone from living in under 900 square feet with a partner, three dogs and two cats to trying to fill up 2200 square feet and never making it to the third floor most days. I've cleaned two and a half bathrooms for more years than I wish to count. And sometimes it feels like a blessing to have squatted on acreage with a trampoline and open space to roam. Other times it feels like too many precious hours are spent tending the grounds and organizing walk-in closets.

My lakeside mate told me of her experience post-Katrina, about seeing an entire town's personal belongings hanging from the trees and filling the streets after water levels floated homes up off of their foundations and left their drawers out in the branches. My heart hurt to think of what we hold onto that will be here long after we are gone, things that will not go back to the Earth anytime soon. So many of us value the fate of the planet, and yet we refuse to surrender what gives us the fleeting and illusory comfort of home. Letting go is my work in this lifetime, on all levels imaginable.

What are we really building?

As we search for a dwelling in Ojai, I'm looking at what another friend/fairy godmother calls *true need*. Do my children really need their own bedrooms and privacy, or would it bond them to share close quarters? Do I need to schlep every shovel, rake and hoe or can I use my hands, hire a gardener? Where do I want to create time and how can I do that by choosing the space that is enough, but not overly maintenence heavy? Do we need three boxes of Christmas decorations, or do I want to vacation away from home during the holidays where the season can be celebrated in communion with my children instead of consumption and waste? What sort of world view do I want them to experience?

I'm even looking at the acrylic paints I use. Those won't be breaking down soon. The wood panels I create on- can I stretch hemp fabric over some branches or scrap wood and make that work? 'Cause I'm really considering it. How will my art change to come into alignment with what is really important to me? I think of Mama Earth and the green woods I just left. How little I needed while I was there feels a little bit Walden and a lot doable.

All these questions and more, as I arrive back with a suitcase that still sits unpacked, empty plastic bottles to recycle, because it's too hard to find a fill-up joint for my kleen kanteen while on the road.

How will the Earth look one hundred years from now because of me and my family? What do we want to make sure we leave behind? What would we like to be assured that we won't leave behind?

Squam, travel, planning a move-they all tie into an opportunity to make the kind of changes I'm yearning for.

He doesn't require much.

Squam Snapshot

I'm home...ahhhhh. And determined to try my very dangdest to allow this one to be *gentle*.

There'll be PLENTY more to say about what was the most transformative SAW of all for me-as the week goes on, I'll spill over out of my cup some of what filled me up about this magical gathering. Plentiful art, heartful breakthroughs, new language, dancing on the frontiers of ideas...I'm full. Full up. Pardon my fragmented run-ons, as it all swirls.

If you attended Squam this Fall, and need to know how to access the SAW Animal Totem Workshop, email me! I'll get you all set up.

Here are a few gushy teasers I can't hold back, however, and must be paraded through town now. I'm going to shamelessly name drop, because Squam is so about a whole bunch of awesome people in one beautiful wood, and the interconnectedness of ALL of us.

Having happy birthday sung to me by over a hundred hot artists as I walked up to the Longhouse for group photo.

Speedboating out to Rattlesnake Island with Maya Hackett of urbanorganica, my comrade in shedding of old skins and massive *whoa mama* rebirth.

The staff are the very best and most helpful people in the world. I want to bring them all home with me because I fear I may never see some of them again.

Lying on the docks and jumping in the frigid lake with Flora Bowley. I had no idea I was going to fall so deeply in love with this woman. She altered my cellular makeup.

Learning so much about The Care and Keeping of Artists from my roommate extraordinaire, Jen Lee. I need to tattoo the entire content of the book up and down my arms.

Not cooking or cleaning. I never take that one for granted for a minute.

Laughing my ASS off with my second-time roommate, Maya Donenfeld. If I told you about our shenanigans, I'd have to kill you. She's wild under that burlap exterior, in the most honest and funny way. Plus, she's one of the most nurturing and caring women I've ever had the pleasure of being separated from at birth.

The fires. Something about the woodfires and the lake ice in the old iceboxes makes me feel like I'm at camp in the twenties. Everything my eye sees is picture-perfect and timeless.

Eating, dancing, conversing and simply being near Misty Mawn. It's like being in the company of an angel. She's an archetype all her own.

The Fox that ran through the wood right next to the building I taught in. It had a wee critter in it's mouth and was on a serious mission to dine. I wanted to grab my camera, but it was one of those moments that I would have missed had I tried to immortalize it. She was grey and beautiful and gave me much food* for thought for the remainder of the weekend. Partly because of this.

Generosity! I received so many unexpected surprises, some birthday related and some not.  I love the cycle of giving and receiving. It feels so good to send abundance around the circle, doesn't it?

I'm going to have to talk about my students later. Because they are a blessing that need their very own post. The women. The women!! I'm always blown completely away by what takes place in these workshops. Metamorphosis. Honoring. Rites of passage. Stepping out of fear and into power. I LIVE for this.

Elke said:  "I wanted to thank you again for the amazing experience of being in your presence, under your guidance and in your support.  You are such a grounded, wise, and inspiring woman.  And an excellent teacher to boot!!  You glide between inspiring us, to challenging us, to supporting us, to kicking us in the pants!  It was perfect".

So much to share. Such very big movement and gentle waves to ride it on. 

My Beloved Squam

This is where I'm headed tonight on a big ol' jet airliner: to meet so many friends, new students and faces, to jump in the freezing lake and continue this post-sweat lodge week of bathing in renewal and celebration. I'll be having my 40th birthday while I'm gone and lighting a fire to remember it by. This is my fourth time to the camp, and surely not my last. Fours, forty...the completion of something is afoot.

If you'll be there, please be sure to come up-don't be shy-so we can connect. If you're sitting this one out, know that next year is shaping up to be a creative humdinger and that if you're looking for a breakthrough, SAW is the hot ticket to growing past boundaries and joining an amazing community of souls who are a lot like you.

See you on the other side of my beloved Squam Lakes...

Council

Desktop helpers.

Summer finds me less at my computer, outside more. Less at the stove, more at the fruit stand. Less in my mind, more in my heart, my feet. This is the first week since coming home from Squam that I feel grounded. Teaching brings me such a high that I found myself floating and unable to let go of my experiences there and come seamlessly back to work here.

I asked myself before I came to writing a) what it is that I am processing, and b) who is helping me. If I know what I need, then I can ask for what I want, right?

It has been a very long time that I have felt like I do my inner work alone, probably ever since I took my first journey and aligned with my first totem animal, who would lead me into the Under World to sift among the messages my unconscious landscape had to show me. My first totem was Spider, black widow, to be exact. And she spun her silky thread around my wrist and took me through a portal that I recognized as a place I played at as a child, a grassy hill full of squirrel holes and treasures such as the first owl pellet I would pick apart and find tiny mouse bones and bits of fluff in.

The creatures have always been here for me, teaching me, guiding me, sharing their secrets of the natural world, blessing me with a quick glance at them as they cross the road in front of me, calling me inward to lead me to the places I needed to go to find peace. So, perhaps they've been helping me since long before that first journey in.

One thing that we are all connected by is that we live on Earth, here with her creatures-communing and sharing space in a way that we can all relate, regardless of where we come from, or what our spiritual beliefs are. Some animals ground us on the planet, while others take us up into the Upper World to seek messages from the heavens and energies outside of us. They have so much to show and teach us, simply by how they have adapted, survived and thrive here.

What I want to share of myself most is this process I have come to love, trust, and also hardwire within me. I have yet to suss out all of the details of an effective way to do this in my virtual community, but I'm working steadily on it. The effect of sitting in a circle in person is difficult to re-create online. I want to connect with my circle's processes, in the way that I have when I've worked on custom medicine bundles and artwork, to bring the healing and the words in a way that shares tools, points you toward your own unique tools and totems, to assign creative projects in which you use your intuition to guide you (as I do in my workshops), and give you the support you need to discover the insights you seek, to share rituals, ceremony, and ways to care for your tools.

I want to get an idea about the interest in this, as I go about discovering the best way to create the circle. Will you share with me if you'd like to do something such as this? To answer my first questions, this is what I'm processing, and it is your help I need to get to where I'm going.

Squam Part 3: BeaRaccoon

I'm still transforming and integrating back into home, as a friend put it, I've just walked  over a threshold into a very vital place and it's taking me some time to reassemble my home life/roles in a new way. Not unlike those dismemberment journeys I'm so fond of! I love the very concept of retreating in order to step through another door, to have that last little experience that issues permission to cross into the next adventure. So for now, I can only offer some personal anecdotes of what it was like on my end as I catch up with what's downloaded.

I wasn't planning on making a mask of my own when I packed my supplies for one of the classes I taught at SAW last week, Muse As Mask. I figured I'd be busy helping everyone with their masks. Made sense.

However, as the circle began I discovered that what I was asking each of my beautiful students to do was to deeply trust her self-guidance, even the bits that felt like mistakes on the piece. To check out of her left-brain analytics and quietly peruse with her intuition leading the way. And so it turned out that I sang them a Native American song and pretty much was no longer needed. *grin*

I cut my mask out of heavy blue cotton duck and then promptly sewed a piece of bright yellow felt over it. My third chakra spoke right up and I felt that I was working with the energies of my power center. Certainly just teaching this group was a test of how I could do what I set out to, and so I felt a Bear coming into being as I stitched, glued and assembled unconsciously alongside these women. I've painted, written and talked about Bear a number of times here-and she felt like a strong, natural guide for me to sidle up to and also embody. She is brave, sure of herself, plods along at an easy pace, and also very protective. I became aware of how protective I felt of my students and of the space we were working in.

Then I pulled a lamp over on myself, burned my hand at the fireplace and tripped over a cord.

My mask started to take on another face- still an ominivorous, curious creature with a penchant for scavenging through discarded treasures, but one who is known for...his mask. Was it Faulkner who said something akin to having to read what he's written about something in order to know what he thinks of it?

In this application, Raccoon uses the positive aspects of his Mask to become something he is not, or is not yet. He knows when to share information with others and when to hold it close. His mystery becomes magic when used thoughtfully and with good intentions. A little Merlin, he is an expert at disguise and secrecy. Raccoon is a powerful animal when change is sought. He can thrive in any environment, making his dreams attainable if he will but name and pursue them. Working under the cover of night, the nocturnal wizard finds tools for transformation in unexpected places. Shamanic journey, active imagination and work with the dreamtime can produce magical results when practiced diligently, and with care and reverence for the medicine. Raccoon's tricky nature can commit to this work, by making personal growth a fun and thrilling puzzle to be solved. As his dexterous fingers pick the locks of the soul's desires, wisdom and booty are uncovered with glee. At his best, Raccoon does not hide who he really is. Rather, he sets himself up for success, and follows through without revealing his methods unless it serves him. Raccoon people can avoid becoming overly secretive, isolated and surly in old age by being social and having fun with their friends. Deep change is inspired by what Raccoon discovers when he is out of his comfort zone, exploring and seeking treasure.

It would seem as though a tricky messenger wanted to let me know that just because I was teaching, I did not have to be perfect. In fact, I try so very hard not to try to be perfect, I felt comfortable in the discomfort of my bumblings (!) and actually, was able to become a bit more dextrous just by doing *what I do*. Silly me for thinking even for a minute that I needed to show up as anything other than a student of life myself. Together with my students, Raccoon and Bear reminded me that I can be in my power and show up as a strong guide and explorer just as I am. I am already outfitted for this job. This is the beauty of wearing our Muse, our inspirations, on our shirtsleeves.

In a nutshell, we can let ourselves off the hook. Once and for all.

Beautiful Fuel: SAW Part 2

Deep breath. Tea and snack at my side. Many thoughts surfacing about how I can communicate the essence of my experience with you. I'm going to go slowly, okay? I really want to tell you so much...

Attending any retreat is risky. It asks us to stretch ourselves a little, gently, and it also brings up anxiety around our expectations. How will we be perceived? Will we be able to do what we set out to? What in the wild world will blindside us on our journeys there, such as flat tires, car rental snafus, getting lost, forgetting important items, separation anxiety? Just the beginning. How will we grow in our strength and confidence as we take these risks? How will we disappoint ourselves or let ourselves off the hook?

I've attended Squam Art Workshops two times before, once offsite with my family, and in 2009 onsite with my family. Both times, it was as a student. This was my first time alone, and...I was teaching. The week prior I was riddled with anxiety, but as soon as I pulled up through the "tunnel of trees", (as Miles referred to it when he was just about to be three), I felt the cramp and then the release that comes with initiation. I cried as I drove and it was cleansing. By the time I arrived on the land, that sacred land (!) I was fresh and ready to share my gifts, the very best of what I had to share right then.

I presented the idea that our Muse dwells deep within us and that we have to clear the way to access her reserves that eagerly await us, especially so if we don't already have a practice of doing this. One of my students emailed to say this:

I so enjoyed your mask class, that I was wishing I'd taken your medicine shawl class on the last morning.  I was intrigued to hear just a little bit about your Native American beliefs and culture, I'd like to learn more, such a different way of thinking and regarding our earth, our souls, our journey.  The best part of the class for me was the beginning time when we were sitting by the fire, you were "talking us out of our left brains", and into our right brains, talking about our animals, our energy centers - a real mental transformation, especially for someone like me who doesn't typically "color outside the lines"!  I think a little bit of magic was happening! -Karen

I felt an immediate sense of the women who blessed me with their trust as they showed up so open and ready to dig into their creativity in a way that they hadn't yet before. I don't quite know how to tell you what it was like to be in a rustic room, fire roaring, wind howling through the cracks of our workshop doors, and be surrounded by such divine willingness to risk comfort and limits in order to push into that fertile den of our spirits. While I want to be accountable for the space I held and the content I created, I want to assure you that something else was at work. It's my belief that something else always is at work.

Beverly followed her Muse into our kitchen where she wet felted watery, elemental colors of wool roving using a piece of found plastic netting and dishsoap.

The work with the mask was not about creating an alternate persona to hide behind, but a way to give "face" to the parts of us that reside in our spirits. I discovered somewhere along this road that our souls have work to do, lessons to learn, ancient history to overcome. I have come to love this messy, human soul-work. Souls are full of purpose and drive, sometimes with a blend of fear or courage. But our spirits are where we know from.

The best way I can think to describe it is to tell you about a vision I had while I was flying back home: If it's true that we are born in the very beginning as pure light, from the chaos of creative energy, then it makes perfect sense that our life's work, our soul work will begin to unfold the moment we interact with the world and the egos that surround us, including our own. But then, events occur that bring us back in touch with the light.

As the second half of my own life begins, I find that I want more access to that light. I found that the women in my classes had been through a lot. They shared. Some of us even wept. No matter what their ages, I heard again and again that they wanted access to, and were returning to that light for fuel, for confidence, for sanctuary, for messages about how to proceed. I imagine it like a well, and as we get older, we realize that it's always been there for us, from the very beginning, only now, we can get to it and draw up nourishment and luminous expression from it.

Tifanie topstitches and embroiders by the fire.

I'm still integrating many of the gifts that presented at this workshop. (One of which was a hearty donation of sewing machines from Singer, which made it possible for us to have an abundance of tools onhand to create with.)

I still have much more to share. This is a bit of a show and tell of what came up for me as I was entering this new realm of imparting what I know. It's a start.

I'm still getting grounded from the experience, but I feel safe here saying that it was very powerful. Sometimes, at large retreats I can sense a hiding out, and a protection among participants, but this was not my experience at all. And I heard similar murmurings all over camp during my time there.

The vastness of the heart-openings I witnessed infused me with a mysterious and profound trust in the feminine process, something I'd imagined could not expand any more. As I watched the hands of these wild women shapeshift into the hands of their grandmothers and ancestors, fueled by something greater than we could have foreseen, I became filled with a kind of security in our abilities to grow and expand in ceremony, in circle, and in creativity...together.

First Moments at Squam

I'm home! And what an unbelievable time at SAW this year.

I'll be posting in great detail this week about what came up, what the workshops were like, what JUNE was like (!) because there are some differences between the Spring and Fall sessions. I have some announcements about other classes I'm teaching here on the west coast, and I'll share those really soon as well. Okay, here's a teaser. But I'll tell more. Soon. I just need to catch my breath and snuggle some babies up.

The feeling I came back with is one of such deep gratitude. Of course there'll be a list about that coming, too.

Enjoy this photo tease, in the interim. The snapshots are from my first blissful couple of hours there.

I pulled up to my cabin and fell immediately in love.

Then I walked inside and fell in love with our screened in porch.

Then I came home from setting up my classroom and fell in love with my roommate.

It's so good to be back!

A Little Organization Goes a Long Way

I spent the better part of the weekend getting the last of my personals together for Squam and organizing my studio. I have to say I'm feeling a bit stressed by my home working environment and that the studio space in town that awaits me in a few weeks will be so welcome. In the meantime, I cleared out some things that I never use, packed up some boxes for the Goodwill and tried to make it as comfy as I can in here for my arrival home. I won't be doing much posting while I'm gone (except maybe a bit of a photo journal of those beautiful woods), and I'll be shipping orders upon my return. I thought a tidy space would nicen things up a bit.

Here's a peek into the closet, which I spent the most time on:

I packed up a painting, which is always like a meditation for me:

Remembered the important details:

And I'm off... I'll see you back here with reports from Squam 2011! If you'll be in the area, please come and check out the amazing Saturday night Art Faire and say hello!

Whale Medicine

Did I mention that when I go to Squam next week, I get to room with Maya? I'm um....SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS. Er, I've had a girl crush on her for a couple of years (she and her barn) and so this is kind of like a dream come true for me. I'm taking wine and Fearless Chocolate because our cabin (which is called Shelter, by the way) is going to exude fearlessness. And because I want to impress her with my knowledge of such things.

I've been thinking a lot about my own creative offerings here lately. It's important to me that I try as hard as I can to keep my work as original as possible. It means I have to glance into a reference book when I'm making a medicine bundle, but that I slam it shut after a few minutes so that I can try to create something that is really about my experience in communication with these elements and not about what has already been written about them. It can be very tough, especially if I'm worn out and busy-headed. My creative process is something I intend to sit down to with sacredness in mind-I want to honor the time and the process and not regurgitate what the experts already know best.

Today Ivy jabbed a bobby pin in her ear about twenty minutes after I sat down, stones and herbs in hand, and so I basically threw everything into the air and ran to beat her Dad into the bathroom. This is only one of the kind of distractions I face many times per day. Every mama I know has the same story, so, no pity please.

My question is how do we keep our visions and projects really authentic?

I was working on a Whale bundle tonight and I read in Animal Speak that “Creativity for creativity's sake is not what Whale teaches. It awakens great depths of inspiration...”

Right away what struck me is that I don't do very much playing/playing around when I sit down to get creative. I like to make a mess, but I'm very focused, even when I paint. If I'm not in somewhat of a trance state, I don't feel like I'm pulling up those reserves, which are so full of ancient information and archetypal goodness. Yet, it's very easy with an ocean of distractions surrounding me to get stuck and sit here creatively constipated and stalling, while I try to get back on track.

When I'm witching it up in the kitchen, it's a whole different ballgame. I can chew up a spiky root and spit it into a glass of vodka like a Yankee pitcher- it's intensely fun and I can integrate play with it. But there is something about painting and making bundles that makes me all serious-like. I think my chin scrunches up even. I can't multitask very well during those times.

I don't have a spelled-out answer for how to keep your work truly authentic, serving your deepest human intent. I don't know if I could ever name that intuitive process that you likely have felt, too, the ones where you feel your soul infusing the piece of art, music, food, etc. These often become our "favorite" pieces, right?

Nevermind that I'm going to teach this very thing at Squam next week. How to tap the intuition, how to get to the bottom of the ocean where the Oracle Muse lives to share her stories with you so you can bring them to life. I trust that as a class, we will find our wild way together... and alone.

Whale is about going deeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I can hear her sounds bouncing off of the ocean floor as she communicates those sacred messages up. I hope you enjoy her- I felt really honored to be working with her. She is so lovingly intolerant of fear and stuckness! Flowing big and bold with the currents...

WHALE: Stepping Into Vibrant Potential

This bundle is about allowing your true colors to come forth and be expressed. It promotes vitality, longevity, and fruition of creative vision. It is about tuning into YOUR authentic offerings that are unique to YOU, and trusting that deepest voice that speaks only truth. It is about discovering the courage to share that song with the world.

Colorful Bornite is an iridescent mineral that captivates attention with it's reflective magentas and chromatic blues. Stone expert Melody says, “This mineral can bring freshness and newness to one's life. It stimulates the inner spirit to seek further heights and substantiates ones ability to enjoy happiness in the moment". It is a very positive and supportive stone which is experienced energetically as a loop that circles around transforming negativity into what she calls “pure beneficial energy”. When I read this, I immediately thought of the sonic waves whales send out, and how that mimicks the ripple effect we experience traveling outward when we're doing the work that serves our divine human intent. This stone speaks of heart and harmony, which is akin to the contract we make when we commit to our creativity and the soul-nourishment it provides. It is also known to stimulate adrenaline, which is a rush often felt when on the right path. Bornite provides energy to move towards vitality in life.

Kelp is included for it's protective qualities on the immune system and it's ancient healing properties. Kelp contains iodine, necessary to good health, but often forgotten from the diet. Kelp feeds many species of undersea and seaside communities, providing essential nutrients to the body and protection from free radicals, including those caused by nuclear radiation. When our creativity is under attack from the doing and thinking-too-much mentality so common in patriarchal societies, it is not unlike fallout. Reaching our full potential can feel impossible. Kelp is a swaying reminder, deep in the waters of the Earth's womb that growth is not only possible, it can also be all the nourishment we need.

Pansy is here to bring cheerfulness, love and beauty to the magic of this bundle. It is commonly associated with “loving thoughts”, required when embracing the potential that lies ahead. It is ever important not to turn on the Self when discouraged, and Pansy is here as a heartsease, (one of it's common botanical names), to offer comfort and protection when facing obstacles. Pansies re-seed themselves, thus they are prolific. They seldom have problems with disease and insects, which tells us that they are hardy and tolerant, despite their delicate appearances. Beautiful Pansy is used medicinally to treat afflictions of the skin, and as soon as I read this I thought about how sometimes we're “itching” to share ourselves and feel fully expressed, yet we lack the trust in our own voice to speak it out and take those risks. Pansy is also used to induce labor, which, when used as a tonic, strengthens those notions already within us.

Whale is the Mother within the Great Mother. She is a magnificent and feminine songstress of the sea, using her ultimate gift of sensitivity to sound to communicate and “sing” to, and with, her tribal pod. She does not hold back, breaching out of the water and showing her shiny skin to the Sun, rejoicing in the vibrancy of life by sharing that which she has discovered down in the deep blue. Whale does not re-enact what others are doing. She is brave in tapping her own vast intuitive resources for inspiration. Whale is a creature of great depth, reflecting that we each have the power to swim down into the unconscious for strength and life-enriching nutrients that are seasoned with what is most true for the individual. She teaches us how to TRUST our own voice and not look to others for too much direction. Whales communicate with sonar, and can perceive themselves and those around them authentically and without projection. Whale does not get caught up in that which does not serve her deepest intent. She has perfected the art of knowing what her gifts are and is unafraid to breathe them up into life for the Earth and Sky to receive.

 

Packing for Squam & SALE

I've spent the vast part of this weekend packing boxes and trying to get organized to teach at Squam Art Workshops next week. It's hard not to be really excited-I haven't been in those woods since Fall of 2009...those magical woods of birch, white pine and maple. And I've never been in June! A completely different season to explore the Northeast awaits.

I'm teaching a mask-making class the first two days, and then on Saturday, I'm leading a half day workshop in beginning journeywork and aligning with animal totems in Medicine Shawl. What excites me about this is that some of my close and trusted allies get to come with me.

Coyote is always by my side in some form or another, and since I'm having to travel as light as possible, I'm bringing a bag that was gifted to me by my dad years ago at a powwow. Leaving my medicine behind seldom happens anymore. I find a way to justify bringing a myriad of *help* wherever I travel. In a very large box, on top of all of my classroom supplies, sits a few of my favorite things, ready for their journey cross-country.

I'm celebrating being packed and ready to go a week ahead of time by having a sale in my shop! Use coupon code 15COYOTE at the Etsy checkout to receive 15% off of your total order.

This coupon applies to everything in my store, including the Deck of 30 Postcards that keeps blowing out. I've just listed some more, thank you so much for insisting I do this-it really does feel nice to see them packaged this way. As I was assembling sets of them to take to Squam, it occured to me that if you use them as a divining deck, there is plenty of room to make notes on the backs of them, and add to their meanings as you integrate them into YOUR intuitive process.

Photo by color-wild Aimee of Artsyville. Find her in this amazing new book!

I Virtually Love You

Blurry and imperfect, me and Nina Beana in Portsmouth New Hampshire for ETA last Fall.

It's been a while since I've ranted frothily here, so in the spirit of intimacy, I'm going to give it a go.

I have crushed on many bloggers and artists since my capacity to virtually love increased one millionfold six years ago. And the subject has come up among peers again and again, the notion that how someone appears online is never who they really are. I don't want to spoil anyone's lofty vision of anyone else, because I believe there is a purpose in idolotry to a certain extent. It helps us strive to claim that power within us that they seem to personify and reflect back at us.

[Insert random thought] If it wasn't late at night, I would go snapping photos of how imperfect my own life is to demonstrate. Baseboards undusted for ....er... months? Laundry heaped up. Gunk on fridge shelves. A checkbook with gaps between entries for things I know I've forgotten and need to check online banking to decode. Piles. More piles. Half finished supplies orders. Children's toys all over the floor of my studio. My studio space is appearing extremely un-sacred in this moment. Nine large post-its of to-do's. In a world where so many of us value that one has one's proverbial shit together, I am earning about a C minus. But still, I feel valued, adored even, in this space. Which perhaps goes to show that the gunk doesn't matter as much as the heart, but still. I know because I'm guilty of it, too: we project perfection. But I digress yet again.

Here's my beef, and it has nothing to do with comparing our weaknesses to what we perceive a virtual acquaintance's strengths to be. What is disheartening is that I've experienced with several real life friends a false sense of intimacy with me because they follow my blog or tune into my feeds at social network sites. Even my own mother is guilty of it. (Hi, Mom.) Twice in a month I've lost touch with a couple of friends that do not have the online presence that I do. When I've shared with them that I feel disconnected, both of them explained that they have felt connected to me because they read my blog or posts, etc.

This leaves me sad. The reason is because a virtual experience is no substitute for really knowing someone or checking in with them to connect, at least voice to voice, if not face to face. While life is full of busy challenges that I can more than relate to, I just want to point out-not that I want more from these folks-but that it isn't the same. Appreciating the work Misty Mawn does (one of my artistic heroes) is not the same as telling her so in a personal email (at very least). Seeing my grieving friend pour out her heart on her blog about loss is not the same as calling her and asking if she wants to cry in my ear. Admiring my cousin's new baby on Facebook is not the same as making time to meet her or hear her cooing on the other end of the phone line.

I'm asking myself to take a deeper look at how much I rely on technology to keep me connected. I'm happy to report that I have dates to camp with an amazing close group of warrioresses at the end of the month, catch a show with a friend I have a mostly virtual relationship with, help another one pack to move to her dream home, and sit in sacred ceremony with a handful of local medicine people mid-month. If not for these "dates" on the calendar, I think I'd be feeling very out of balance.

Blessed we are to have this space to connect to each other online, but I am also responding to a wild, deeeep yearning within to get my arms around those I hold dear, kiss their babies, take them food, send them on their journeys, see them loving their partners, and touch their art in person.

Because I'll be at June and September SAW and October SERENDIPITY, I will be face-to-face with many of you. And that's how I like to connect best. I like to hug and cuddle, what can I say? Blessed, blessed, blessed. We are so blessed.

The Mystic Vixen formerly and affectionately known as Blue Poppy,
Elizabeth Macrellish, and I, Squam Art Workshops Vendor Night, 2009.

Springtime Goodness

There are still a few spots open in my Friday Muse as Mask class at Squam AND the Medicine Shawl class. Jump on board and return from the northeast forever inspired.

Loving this Cherry Blossom Essence offering from my friend MaryBeth and Three Sister's Alchemy. It's the perfect, Keep Me Present and Grateful in This Moment elixir. Thank you, Goddesses, for your magic and your positive energies.

Absolutely flipping over the relaxing power of chocolate. Yes, I did say relaxing. Lisa Reinhardt, of Wei of Chocolate, sent me a tube of passionflower and bird of paradise-infused organic RELAXED chocolate and the kids and I are HOOKED. I'm also over the moon about JOYFUL. Thank you, Lisa, for your generosity and for creating chocolate that heals, when I seriously thought chocolate couldn't get any better.

When women honor their ability to make magic, my heart soars. It seems Springtime is bursting open all around with mystical, intuitive healers popping up like fresh daisies.

 

Vlog Sacred Tools: Medicine Pouch

Here's another informal backyard vlog on using sacred medicine tools. This time I take you on a quick tour through stuffing my pouch to get ready for an overnight trip. Can you tell I'm in a bit of a hurry to get packed and on the road? I still haven't sorted out how to set up the camera for the best view and so I'll try to work the kinks out there before I make the next one.

I also share a bit of the drum for a teaser of what the trance beat is like when one takes a traditional shamanic journey, as promised. The drum sounds a bit flat on the video, but it actually has a nice deep resonance. If you feel called to find a drum for yourself, be sure to play lots of them. There will be a sound and size that feels just perfect for you.

To learn more about shamanic journeywork, try Michael Harner's Way of the Shaman or Sandra Ingerman's Soul Retrieval. Both detail the purpose of taking shamanic journeys, as well as how they are conducted in a sacred manner. If you'll be attending Call of the Wild, my mixed-media workshop at Squam Art Workshops in September, you'll get a little taste of what the journey is like for yourself.

To learn more about animal totems and begin the path toward integrating the wild creatures into your spirit practice, check out Ted Andrews' Animal Speak or Animal Wise. There are a lot of great card decks that explore animal symbolism, as well, and a quick search at Amazon or your local metaphysical shop will produce colorful options for divining animal wisdom. If you have a great resource for animals, please share it in the comments. Sometimes I find old books at the library on a particular species and that gives a nice depth. We can learn so much from creatures just by observing them, as many of you already do.

I don't think you could see the beautiful purple earrings I'm wearing, but I'm wild about them. They were crafted by Celisa Nalls of MySoulCanDance and when I opened the package, I could feel joy leaping out at me. The adornments we wear, or talismans we're drawn to help tap us into our intuitive nature, too. The creations we make with our hands vibrate with the energy that we bring to the worktable, and that creates a ripple of light that never ends. It's such a blessing to have access to so many gifted and inspirited artisans.

The sacred Lakota corn was given to me by Lauren Luquin of Visionwise. One of the best things about meeting others on this path is that we get to share tools and honor one another with gifts to add to the ever-expanding toolkit for healing ourselves and the Earth.

On my travels to the coast this weekend, I might leave behind any one of the items in my pouch as an offering to the earth. It is traditional practice to leave tobacco as an offering or a tiny crystal, such as the amethyst one I tucked in there. The lavender buds or the corn would also be a nice way to thank the Earth and Spirit for the gifts and healing they bring.

Please consider the comments section a forum for questions and sharing of stories. We all benefit from hearing others sing with their authentic voices.

Thank you for honoring the medicine and howling up this beautiful Wolf Moon we're seeing!

When the Dogs Find You

 

Sacred Balance. Mixed-media on 1/2" maple plywood, 22" x 22".

This painting has just been completed and will be listed tonight in my etsy shop, along with one other. It has been a very interesting experience, as usual. What I find most fascinating about this whole spirited process of creation is that in a sense, I do what I feel soul directed to do. Then I sit with the image and try to see what it wants to convey, and recall moments while I was creating it. Then I go on a little mission to see what I can find out about the things that want to be seen the most, in this case the Mexican Wolves, the structure, the way the figures appear in relation to each other. What are they teaching me? Or sometimes it comes to show me that they are documenting something- a motif which I am currently living, but which is universal.

When the message jumps out, as it always does, and I intuitively know that I've heard it correctly, I feel so excited. I usually shout, "Of course!" or "Yes!" and if someone is around at the time, they may look at me like I'm off my nut, which I'm happy to be in that moment.

Just as I was dreamily sorting out the last of the visual elements, I made a little video in which I explain a little bit about my artmaking process. Since I'm teaching a mixed-media painting class at SAW in September, I thought it would be helpful to share a little bit of my voice and process with you. I liked making it, though laugh with me in the beginning when I realize there is a hideous pink earplug lying in the shot and quickly remove it. :)

 

Open Season: Squam Art Wonderfest

Photo: Thea Coughlin

Oh, dearest Squam Art Workshops, how I love thee. Let me count the ways:

In 2008:

You were a place for me to show up and meet others like me.

You were a safe place for me to dream freely among my kind.

I felt a communal motivation behind me, in front of me, all around me! to name what I most wanted to express, and then DO IT.

I made friendships and face-to-face connections with creative women that I'd been blogstalking for years.

I met new friends who work with mediums so different from my own, but whom I've called upon since for insight and inspiration.

I got a sweet taste of what it would be like to show my work, which I knew I wanted more of.

I pioneered the effort to include Miles and Brandon, which made following creative dreams a priority in our family and bound the medicine.

I took a class from someone I'd been admiring the work and style of for years, a wise one whose spirit I adore.

I ate amazing food, danced on the docks, celebrated with my family, and listened to the quiet artistic stirrings within, who were having a powwow with a wee little Ivy-bud in there.

I birthed my business and Etsy store eight months later, with a two month old in a sleepy wrap and every bit of faith and encouragement from my community that a girl could ever wish for.

In 2009:

I stayed onsite with my family, with every Campbell in tow, including six month old, Ivy Lu. That account can be found here.

I watched my son absorb and imprint the creative energy which was spilling out all over every trail and dining room chair, every roaring fireplace and sketchbook. I realized again, how much art, life, and family are ONE.

I took a class from amazing Lisa and pushed myself to crank out a mixed-media piece with her secret awesome time-saving transfer technique, and picked her brain about supplies and ways to show work.

I made a book in a day with Christine and Marisa, which left me inspired to make prototypes of all of the books I'd like to publish.

On the way out of town, I dropped a card off at the local gallery, who would contact me the week I returned to invite me to do three shows the following year.

I sold every painting I took with me at Saturday's vendor night, and prints and postcards, too.

I met and communed with artists that I'd later be in seven group shows with, and handfuls of other projects including two books and a magazine article in Somerset Life.

I made a deep connection with the woman who will be doing photographic magic on a book project I'm working on.

I met two women who would later hire me to teach mixed-media process and spirit-led painting at their retreats.

In a nutshell, SAW gave me what I enjoy most about being an artist today: treasured community, willingness to risk being seen, courage to stretch myself, and tools which fortify my confidence as an artist.

*****************************************************

Registration opens up 1/11/11, apt, I think, with so many ones shouting out about new beginnings and possibility.

I couldn't be more thrilled to bring my enthusiasm and my classes to SAW this year.

Meet me in a warm, room in the woods to break the rules of art, to forget what you know, to leave your critics behind, to explore your muse, to indulge in a variety of media and create intuitive compositions that thrill your senses and your spirit. Meet me in the dining room and share an ice cream cone. Meet me to light a fire under your courage, but most of all, come to meet yourself and your obstacles... and begin the process of overthrowing them.

 

 

I Made This + SQUAM News

I've decided in a rather no frills way to share what I'm making here, under the glamourous title, "I Made This". Perhaps, that way, I'll remember to share the things I craft with my hands that are not paintings. Like the quilt idea I've robbed from Anthropologie and am making my own king sizer version.

I've just made a batch of New Year Medicine Bundles, since the others were snapped up before I could even offer a feature on them!, and they'll be listed tonight in the shop.

I have not included feathers on these,  because upon investigation of Migratory Bird Laws, I've discovered that it is illegal in many states for even a Bluejay feather or Flicker feathers to be sold. Most birds are protected, I just tend to think of predator birds and raptors as the big no-no's.

Offerings this time will be mostly four-leggeds, and I've got to check the status of Bobcat, Badger and Coyote claws, which make appearances in those bundles. I've discovered that some states do not allow the sale of these animal parts and so they will have to be ammended if in fact I cannot list them. Bit of work to do today, essentially.

In other news, I've made my way back to Facebook. It seems to be working for me, as I've turned off every possible notification that can come to my inbox or phone. Which means I have to go there intentionally to experience it. Wish me luck. I never turned off my Twitter account, because I never go there. I auto post these blogs there and that is the extent of my casual affair with Twitter. Totally not based in love at all.

In other really, really good news, Squam Art Workshop listings are up and registration begins on January 11th, EIGHT DAYS FROM NOW! I will be teaching at both June and September sessions, which fills me with excitement and joy! I'm burying this announcement here because I want to write up in full what I'll be sharing there, in my own, more extensive words, and I want to tell those of you unfamiliar with SAW about what it was like for me to attend in '08 and '09-it was a life altering shift that catapulted me to gettin' it done. So, big post dedicated entirely to that coming very soon!

Framed Prints & Originals, and Oh So Much More

Framed prints have been added to the shop, as well as 4 original paintings. I can frame any of my prints for you, you know.

(Raises eyebrows)

I'll have some wintry, holidayish greeting card packs posting this weekend, as well.

I'm also offering my signature giftwrapping as an add-on to any of your orders for the holidays. The holidays.

The Holidays!

I can't believe they're around the corner. I'm working on my Eleventh Hour Wishlist, which is one of my favorite things to do this time of year. Here are some other fun things happening round the 'sphere:

*Boho wrote about our amazing photo session.

*Em Falconbridge is having a felting workshop online-it looks REAL DELISH, so hurry!

*I'm really proud to share that my partner in crime's cd is available for download at iTunes or cdbaby. It's instrumental and all-occasion, very lively and festive.

*I'm contributing to two books, one to be published in May and the other at the end of 2011, with luck. I'm over the moon about books. They're like little dreams-come-true for so many.

 

 

Sing Up the Stars, mixed-media on 6 x 8 maple panel.

Thank you all for your thoughts on my leaving Facebook behind. I've had some cold feet today, but I know that I need a different kind of self-care this season. In order for me to live my best life, I have to make drastic cuts sometimes. If I can use the recreational drug called Facebook in moderation at some point, I may be back. I'm going to see what it feels like to leave it behind.

I'm seeking a kind of reliable vitality in my life right now-some sure things that I can count on to energize me. Right now I'm seeing far too much screen. My desk chair is horribly uncomfortable, too, and I'm thinking it may be the only reason I've moderated my computer time! I think I'm going to have to keep this wretched thing.

I truly do love and care about each of you who take the time to come here and witness my shenanigans and cheer me on. Thank you for all that you do, but especially....thank you for being you.

 

 

Return of the Goddess

If you are anywhere near the state of New Hampshire, please stop in and celebrate the return of Spring and the work of eleven goddesses and one Pan (for good measure)!

This beautiful collection has been curated by Elizabeth MacCrellish (of Squam Art Workshops) in honor of the love and light that inspires her own journey. I'm so grateful for this show and for Elizabeth :)

Happy Mother's Day! To all that you nurture and create...

Spring Offerings

It seems that this corner of bloggieland is aflame with energy of new Spring ideas that are sure to wake up the wintry consciousness! I'm so excited to see my sisters declaring their work and rolling up their sleeves to make a difference in their own lives, as well as others.

Here are some exciting offerings:

Christina Sbarro, of My Topography is using Kickstarter to fund her creation called A Field Guide to Now. I can't wait to see what she can do with this project! Watch her beautiful video and I dare you not to burn up with curiosity about what she can teach you.

Registration will soon be closing on Kate Swoboda's e-course, Your Courageous Life. I had the pleasure of speaking with Kate for an interview last week, and she has some very practical tools in store for those ready to step it up a notch and start taking some risks in 2010.

Karen Maezen Miller is having a scrumptious giveaway of two copies of her new book, Hand Wash Cold. She also has a gorgeous, soft, thoughtful video posted that has inspired me to start some laundry tonight.

Time is closing in on Squam Art Workshop's Spring Session, complete with Ravelry dames, for those who love handcrafting and textiles.

The  time is now to jump into wishstudio's Virtual Art Retreat, which is PACKED with classes, goodies and discounts on art supplies. Mindy Tsonas, the innovator behind wishstudio is just about to blow the doors off of the e-course format and I bow to the goddess of virtuality each time I visit her!

And this little fantasyland is my new favorite place to play! Stop in and dream with us at Imaginary Commune...

Go! Build your toolkit!

Squam Squam Squam

Photo by Thea Coughlin.

You've heard it a million times, right? From all of us Squam bombs out here in blogland? It's becoming like a religious pilgrimage, isn't it?

One of the many aspects I love about SAW is how a good retreat booked far in advance can really set the tone for my year and help me to keep my pace steady as I grow creatively. I feel like it gives me something to reach my branches toward, and to take the steps I need to get to where I'm going before I arrive on the rocky steps of the Temple of the Creative Forest.

Rockywold Deephaven Camps, where SAW is held, was founded by two women, who I believe must have intuitively sensed the feminine, creative quality of the camps. Men who come to SAW at RDC seem very in touch with the creative vitality within them. Women who attend seem to be answering the natural, inner call to connect to that creative life-force inside. Children (okay, Miles is the only example I really have!) go positively into an artistic trance once they pick up on what is going on.

The camp is even shaped quite like a womb, the perfect place to plant the seeds of your creative intention and watch them take off into the sky on unfurled wings.

When I attended two years ago, I only knew that I was called to go, I had no idea what I'd be doing in the next couple of years. Ivy was cocooning in my belly and I was intent on not making any big plans or designing expectations I wouldn't be able to meet. What I did do was connect. I communed with new and old friends in my pregnant state and allowed myself to be without a purpose other than being present there. I trusted that the meaning of it would come to me when it was supposed to.

It was January a year ago when it hit me. I picked up the paintbrush, dusty with art school years behind me, and in a burst of fertile flames I began painting with no idea about what I would do next.

What came through felt like, and still does, a culmination of everything I love the most. The concepts of symbols I'd been studying, the circles I'd been sitting in, the animals running across my paths and through my dreams, color chips that had been taped into journals...it suddenly all made sense and all I could do was MAKE. I was freed from thinking about it!

A little aperture was giving way to a great opening, I'd become willing to embrace the unknown and allow my creative stirrings and the muse meet each other.

I realized during that winter transition how Squam Art Workshops had impacted me. It's creative energy gently held me that first Fall, never forcing the birth, just cradling the energy. I hadn't planned on attending this past Fall, but when Ivy was just two months old, I felt the urgent need to be there, and so the pioneering efforts to make the trek with the whole family were laid.

After the new sessions were announced last week, a unique opportunity arose for me to teach at The Pixie Session in August. Like so many times since I took myself to that maple and white pine wood, I have been summoned to show up and share something of myself.

I'll be teaching a mixed-media painting class which incorporates the use of animal totems, as well as a kids-and-parents class where we'll make forest floor finds/fiber arts folk full of symbols to carry back home with you and draw upon when you need it. I'm so excited to do this with families that my heart is about to burst!

My hope is that you will be able to experience what Squam has provided me with:  a well of creative energy and connected communal peeps to feed your soul with all year long, building the foundation and support for your artistic life.

In whatever glorious form it may take.

New Squam Art Workshop Offerings

Check out the FIVE...you read that correctly, FIVE different retreats offered through SAW this year. Elizabeth has been working her tailfeathers off to bring you an awesome array of opportunities to create the retreat of a lifetime at art camp.

Two years ago I attended the very first one and I stayed off site with Miles and Brandon with this lovely family and we drove in each day for class and lunch. Last year, with Elizabeth's help, the whole brood stayed in a cabin in the camp (with the big kids) and had the time of our lives.

I won't be able to emphasize (in one quick the-children-are-fed-and-docile blogging moment) how much Squam Art Workshops and all of our experiences associated with it have changed our lives. 

But I am extremely proud to announce that The Pixie Session is now available to all of you mischievous creative artmamas and artdaddies and wee faery folk. The 4 day retreat has been designed to take full advantage of the camp's amenities for children and families and there are even classes to take with your little ones.

I hope to see you there!

Off the Hook

MA BELL. "Got the ill communication. Ma Bell, I got the ill communication". I can't look at the signs on these little dwellings without going there.

Not much to say today, bit of brain boggle mixed with adult-onset ADD. Fortunately, I'm off the hook because you can hear me prattling on about being an artist here. Thank you, Susan! Susan is the girlpower behind Artstream Gallery which is currently hosting A Vision of Squam.

Be well, faithful readers. xo

Squam Family Robinson

The Campbells at SAW, by Thea Coughlin.

This is me. This is my family. We operate mostly as a package deal. Partly this is because I dislike being away from them for long periods of time and partly because when I agreed to marry my husband 13 years ago it was on the condition that we would pioneer our way through our life together, breaking new ground and forging through unknown territories.

We've been called "hard-core" by many of our friends because we are known for pushing conventional limits as we create the sort of experiences we want to share as a family. Like flying eight month old Miles to Maui and driving ourselves several hours into the rain forest to photograph him nudie on the black sand beaches of Hana. Encouraging him to feast on poi and fresh mangoes, climbing volcanic cliffs with him in a backpack, so we could live to tell the tale!

I don't know if traveling with both children makes us hard-core or not, though we do get a lot of comments about how brave we are to saddle them up for every ride we feel compelled to go on. Sometimes I feel that if I want to do something bad enough, I just have to make it work with them!

Taking the kids (and my husband, for that matter!) into retreat space felt really good to commit to, and it also felt risky. I wondered during the planning stage if it made good sense to bring them to Squam, where the cabins are cozy, but get a bit cold for our my west coast bones. Would they get sick? Would they unravel on me every half hour? Would it  stretch them beyond their capacity to enjoy themselves? What felt safe was not what won the debate. I am surely one to leap now and say "Oh, shit" later.

I melted down the night we arrived because we pulled in late- just after registration, located the dining hall, scarfed food in a rush and set out to find our invisible private cabin on the lake. About 20 minutes into that "adventure" Ivy took a monster poop and my anxiety level began to rise. I finally made Brandon get out on foot with a tiny flashlight and the RDC map to find the cabin. It was dark and cold upon entering, not to mention a bit stinky from fresh baby poo. It took me ten minutes of opening every door in the place to find the bathroom, because of course, I was about to peep myself.

Once we got settle in, forced open a bottle of wine, lit up the fire (that the attendants at the camp lovingly arrange wood for) and sank into twin rocking chairs, it was bliss. The loons were calling and the lake was swishing and it was pure magic.

I'll be posting my must-pack list later on, but this will give some initial insight into what pampered camping 3000 miles from home was like for us. This is sort of the quick and dirty reality, and not the flowery prose I hope to write about my children as I continue to process what the week meant for me.

These notes are meant to remind me of what I need to consider when we ALL attend next year, but it is dedicated to all of those who have commented that we did it gracefully. Behind the scenes was not as polished as it may have appeared in the amber glow of the heavenly dining hall! But I still consider it a huge success and we will be doing it again next Fall.

Rule #1. Even if it is your birthday, do not lollygag on the way to Squam with children in tow. Arrive as early as the handbook says you can and get settled in. This way, you won't miss the coveted bonfire and cry for twenty minutes about how its your birthday and you missed the bonfire.

Rule #2. Bring wine to help with missed bonfires and other mild disappointments. I brought an acrylic wine glass in my suitcase, yet forgot a corkscrew. An unexpected in-room amenity, an icepick, got us through. Once cozied in front of a giant fire (that coincidentally kept the bathroom nice and toasty with it's shared chimney wall), I was totally okay that I wasn't freezing my pahtoot off out in the wilderness.

Rule #3. Pack Rescue Remedy and your very best relationship skills. That means no blaming Brandon for mishaps. (sorry, honey.)

Rule #4. Know what triggers grumpiness in you and be sure to pack creature comforts to remedy that (such as an electric tea kettle, which I did not bring this time). I found that allowing myself to melt down from the initial excitement and overwhelm was a good clearing out that allowed me to relax for the rest of my time there.

Rule #5. If you plan to take classes, be sure to allow Daddies some time to go for a mountain bike ride (the camp rents them), kayaking, guitar playing time, or whatever he loves to do. Scheduling time for everyone to get filled up is a must, because at Squam, time has a way of slipping away very quickly. Dads can also take classes, too, if they want to enroll! Squam is an equal opportunity retreat.

Rule #6. Even if it means you have to get a funny tattoo on your wrist before you attend Squam, be certain to pack your sense of humor. Mistakes and setbacks are likely to happen with the kiddies. When I laughed through them, I thrived. When I pained through them, I suffered.

Rule #7. Be willing to sacrifice your plans if you have a child that has met his limit. Even if that means carrying him screaming out of the dining hall sideways and letting your breakfast go cold (thank you, kind woman who hurried to open the door for me). Being flexible has never been more important. Surrendering expectations that they will love every moment of it is unrealistic, even if your child loves nature, has plenty to do, is warm enough, etc. Sometimes kids can feel torn about being out of their routine and being on an exciting adventure-its stressful for them. Miles (just shy of 4 years old) had a few moments like this, but mostly, he was his charming, wise self. He totally imprinted the creative part of the experience-spending hours on detailed drawings and making his own artistic leaps. I did well when I cut him much slack.

Rule #8. Resist the temptation to put the kids down later than usual. All of the excitement, plus early breakfast times means well-rested babes are happier during the day. Especially those naughty things that don't take naps anymore! Vendor night was challenging for Dad and two overstimmed sleepies. I walked into pure chaos after we put our table away Saturday night. A better plan might have been to have my table buddy take over while I helped get them down and then I could have returned shortly thereafter.

Rule #9. Bring your favorite phrases that lighten things up in your family, such as "Oops", "No biggie", and "It's going to be okay". I'm a classic over reactor so I actually have to prepare to under react when things don't go as planned! It takes practice, for me, anyway. One day I started off for class and realized I needed to sit down and nurse Ivy before I left for 3 hours. Being late creates all kinds of anxiety for me. I had to remember that at Squam, self-care rules. What's good for you is generally what's good for everyone, in my experience. Everyone was very understanding and accommodating, and that really helped. 

Rule #10. Leave lots of open time for the unknown and for yourself. I'm glad I only booked two days of classes and not three-which tempts me every time, because there are so many great classes. We took Thursday to take family portraits and get ourselves acquainted with our surroundings. It was perfect. 

It was all blessed and perfect!

Ivy and Daddy at SAW, by Thea Coughlin.

SAW: Words Cannot

I did Squam Art Workshops a little bit differently than most this year-I attended with my whole brood. I return from this event feeling very filled up, with a year's worth of inspiration to carry me onward.  I'm grasping at words to try to tell you what it was like...

    bright   cool   heavenly water   

                  loon-sounds   wild howls              

amazing chow!  humming, buzzing dining*chatting*meeting*laughing*riotous  hall bursting with friends   and    new faces shining  up up

reconnections

                         gentle enthusiastic instructors creating safe workspace sharing color and stories

fearless founders, creators and supporters

meaningful moments

 boundaries and asking and apologies

cheeks of joy bouncing along the trail

warm hearths     mossy trails   brilliant and smiling photographers  

entertaining squirrels hurling acorns   red  leaves  f a l l i n g  d o w n

divine and helpful husbands  

a delirously inspired child who couldn't sleep for all the excitement!

creating walking singing whispering by fires smooching and hugging and snuggles

goodbye tears

yearning and pining

beginning, looking forward and standing very still

listening to the silent space in which anything, ANYTHING can happen...

More to come...

I Wish I'd Just Gone Fishing

But instead, I got the flu, which explains why I haven't been around lately. We had a yard sale on Saturday and I might have picked up cooties from someone- because by nightfall, I was sacked. Sunday night proved even more dramatic. I suppose I've been wide open for this to happen. I am glad it's occuring now and not next week.

Here is my lesson of taking care of myself coming up again, loud and clear. I have no choice but to sleep as much as possible, and drink nauseating quantities of tea, water and vitamin water.

Poor Ivy and Miles have the sniffles and sneezes, and I'm not producing much milk for Ivy at all. Besides Milk Thistle tea, I haven't tried anything else. I welcome any suggestions you have to remedy that. I have a terrible fear that my milk supply will dry up completely!

More letting go: letting go of the things that didn't make it in into the Squam box, letting go of laundry, letting go of my hope to record a few videos this week, letting go that there is no picture accompanying this entry.

Jen Louden announced National Freedom from Self Improvement Day at her blog and it couldn't have been more timely. Nothing is improving here but my chances of caring less about what isn't getting done!

*teacup clink*

A Vision of Squam opened today, and I'm so excited to have a piece featured in the show! I'm very proud to *be* in the company of so many gifted artists. Please stop by and show your love...

 

Blue-green Door, 6 x 6 acrylic & pencil on birch board.

I'm in utter disbelief that Fall is sneaking up. And utter joy, of course, as it is my season-when all doors of possibility seem to breezily blow open in my soul and let the light filter through.

I'm also realizing how quickly Squam Art Workshops is approaching, requiring plenty of prep work and shipping ahead of materials. (I will not schlep carseats, a giant, overweight suitcase, art supplies and two children through one more airport this year!) Only six more weeks to go!

We won't be taking as much time as we did last year to leisurely cruise the area, but we will again stay in Portsmouth, NH: home to the Enormous Tiny Art Show at Nahcotta Gallery, and almond joy pancakes at our very favorite, yummy diner.  Mmm... and orange french toast. Wheee!

Retreat is the best solution to any issue, in my opinion. Writer's block? Retreat! Uninspired? Disconnected? Retreat! I am absolutely all about it. It leaves me overflowing every time.

 

 

 

 

Miles loves sporting his Mati Rose Original tee shirt.  She has a cute entry up featuring a montage of babes wearing this shirt which we bought for M at the art sale that followed Squam Art Workshop in New Hampshire last Fall.  If you haven't heard of this magical, creative gathering, check it out!  Sessions are in June and September this year-treat yourself to some creative resources and downtime in the gorgeous NH forest on infamous Golden Pond.

My psc has been acting out lately, preventing me from making color copies and enlargements to create with-so after a bit of research, I chose a cheap HP all-in-one rather than the Canon that I think will do a better job of making prints of my work.  The HP will aid more in the process of creating, which is more of my focus at the moment.  It does use archival quality ink, so I may be surprised at the quality-I know so little about this sort of thing. If you are a printer expert, feel free to throw your $.02 my way!  Be sure to tell me if you use a model like this for printing your own artwork.

I may treat myself to the Canon later on down the line when it makes more sense-it accepts those lovely, thick, fine art papers that look so juicy when printed upon.  In the meantime, I need my copying and scanning capabilities!  I'm running out of time, here! 

I hit the jackpot at one of my favorite antique store haunts-a collection of 1950's cityscape postcards that I'm excited about collaging with under the paint.  The bright pastels are inspiring me as Spring draws near and they grey of winter is being chased away.  I am digging the way the yellow sun spills across our floor and warms the house.  Everything seems bathed in amber light.

It's been a rather lazy day-I haven't given one thought to alkalizing food (my new obsession), instead I've been eating comfort food (avocado and cheese sandwiches, bbq chips, buckwheat pancakes...)and lying around on my duff watching Sesame Street with Miles.  I did scrub the kitchen up and down this morning, which could be part of that frenzied nesting one does when babe is really wanting out.  It's a game of anybody's guess as to when this little elf is going to arrive!  Shall I start taking bets??